I need help and advice on what to do.
I am very worried and anxious, I am currently pregnant and in November I will get married to my boyfriend.
My boyfriend who I have known for almost 2 years, since we first met I noticed something isnt right. Where he always runs out of money, when he sends me money he will ask for part of it back.
A few months after we met, I found a post online about my boyfriend, where in 2016 he had a big problem because of his gambling.
I was probably naive and ignored the red signal, I hoped it was just the past, and he had changed.
Then when we lived together for 6 months, I saw everything.
He works usually for two weeks on ship then when he came home he was always busy with his mobile phone all day, and a few days later he ran out of money. I realised this immediately.
Again I was in denial and hoping he would change so I kept quiet, he didn't know that I knew he had a gambling problem.
It got to the point where we were completely out of money, and had to sleep at the station. I decided to have the courage to talk to him, but not blame him. He promised to me he will change.
Another year coming, I can see that he continue gambling, he keeps ran out of money.
He supports me financially too, but our finances are never stable because we always run out of money and he asked part of the money he gave to me back, I've tried to talk to him but when I talk about money he gets angry and I feel that I have no right to ask about his monetary because the money he uses for gambling is his own money.
I am very anxious and scared, I keep thinking all the time even now I’m pregnant he didn't change, I'm afraid his gambling problem will become a problem in our marriage.
What should I do? How can I talk to him about this problem without making him feel bad?
Hi Santamikayla,
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Thankyou for sharing your story with us today on the forum.
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It sounds like this is a really difficult situation for you. Have you got any support around you at the moment with this?
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Best Wishes
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George
Hello Santamikayla and Welcome.
I feel you may need some family support as you learn more about this devastating addiction.
My best advice is not to commit yourself to any problem gambler as you can only help him from a position of strength and knowledge.
He should be in full recovery and you do need to talk to him about it.
I'm not saying he is a bad person but addicts are not good news for stability unless he is willing to recover and realise how important his relationships are.
Its your decision but you need further advice and support. A gambling addiction is a dangerous addiction and you have to decide if you are willing to help him and never be complacent about addiction power for a lifetime.
I dont know your relationship. I would like to think you can help him but you must protect yourself financially and not let it be a blind love.
Best wishes
It must be hard for you. Im an addict when i had my baby son many years ago i used to go out on pay day and buy a months supply of nappies ,baby food cos i didnt trust myself. People around me prob thinking why is she doing 3 supermarket trips in 3 days but i was so implusive i had to do this. It was the only way to protect myself from myself. You have the upperhand by knowing and the only way this could work is taking control of the finances and setting down the rules. Your baby has to come first and my maternal instints over took my gambling and i put my child first but some cant do this without being forced. My advice would be dont get married You dont know how this will turn out. Honestly i would give him a chance to prove himself see if he puts you and the baby first if he doesnt then split even if its temporary yes it will be hard but u dont want to sit there in despair if he spends money u need for the baby unless he hands all his money to manage.Â
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