So I have another problem long story short I just found out arfter hours of sifting frew paperwork that my wife has spent around £6.000 on gambling and lost at least £5.000 of it over the last 15 months I confronted her she said I was a Liar at first I showed her the prof of one months last months was £1300 she spent and lost about £500 of it bait in mind I don't work now cus looking arfter her and the kids and I have been wired like mad I even dropped to the exstention of rummaging frew skips to get stuff to sell we were so skint and then I find out it cus she's loosing hondreds on gambolling every months months months she's lost about 400 to 500 but at the begging it was just 100 first few months got more and more as its gone along how can I deal with this she writhing 30 mins of agreeing with me started a fight everything is my fault of corse and she said I have been stressing her out too much and she has fun that to cope so it's my fault and so on and so on but she said well it's a one time F**g she never normal spends that much but she does average spending 700 to 1000 a month looses more that she wins of corse that's how gamaballing works u always loose the game wins at end of the month it she ended the fight with she Wonts no more help from me at all and to leave her to it and stay out her way we are married and live together so silly thing to say but how do I go forward this was all clearly a response to being called out on the gamaballing she went insane cus I red the bank statement but explaind it's both of our account I have a right to know what's what and she's prity much been loosing two weeks wages a month I'm stuck with what to do or how to go forward with all this with everything I'm all ready dealing with with her and kids and now all this and she has been taking out loans without talking to me about it and my mum and dad have spend about £1000 on food and bits to help us out since I had to stop working and that's not fair on them that them or me to be lied to like that my life's a bloody mess I love her and worship the ground she walks on I really do but bugga me this is more work than I could have ever imagined
Hi,
Sorry to hear it. My husband is a compulsive gambler. This is second time round for our family and he hasn't placed a bet for about eighteen months, he doesn't want to go back to it. He goes to GA meeting twice per week, I have financial control, computers have protective software so he has no access at home to gambling websites.
First time round, though, it was exactly as you describe. He blamed me, said we needed the money because I was so extravagant, was furious that I'd seen the statements and he'd be off if I kept invading his privacy, accused me of interfering, didn't I realise that not everything was my business...all denial and lies and manipulation. And the gambling continued.
I backed off and believed his denials because it was easier and I didn't want to risk breaking up the family. But it was a huge mistake, if I had faced it then in the way that I faced it this time round, I could have saved the children and I from more grief. And of course it wasn't my actions that were threatening family unity but I felt to blame.
Actions speak louder than words. There's a real problem, so behave accordingly. Open a bank account in your sole name and expect family money to be paid into it, (manually enter passwords and don't share them). Don't trust her with money, she can't be trusted so rely on what you see on bank statements etc and not on what she says. Get credit reports in your names and hers, get debt advice for your liability from the CAB and/or StepChange. Go to GamAnon meetings and book yourself some GC counselling. Tell her you're doing this because she has a gambling problem. If she gambles, make it clear that it's her choice and she's responsible for it. If she picks a fight so as to storm off and gamble, tell her you know what she's doing. Don't accept the blame.
You didn't Cause the gambling, you can't Control the gambling and you can't Cure the gambling. Focus on your problem which is the effect that it's having on you, get help and support for you.
If she wants to overcome her addiction, she can take action to limit her access to gambling and she can also go to counselling and meetings. But you can't make her. What she does is down to her.
Look after you.
CW
Yes, she's addicted. The anger stems from the threat of having to stop feeding the addcition now you've discovered her secret.
The question will be whether she wants to change. If she does there are things she can do to restrict her access to gambling with virtually immediate effect starting with giving you control of her finances and you transferring her salary to an account she can't access as soon as it's in. If she won't do that as a starting point, be wary. If she's not ready to stop she won't and an active CG left unchecked can and does take everyone around down with them. Your choices may lie with how much of this behaviour if any you tolerate.
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