Hello, I've been in a relationship with someone who I though was going to be my life partner. I love him so much and would have done anything for him. after year and a half we moved in together into a gorgeous flat which he bought. We have been fine but he constantly had the urges to gamble, he gambled whenever he got paid or received a bonus from work.
In the last couple of months he has been so unhappy and felt very depressed. In the last week alone he lost over £2000. I've adviced him to go to Ga like he did before and to see a specialist but he wasn't happy to agree to it. He wanted to be left alone because I didn't make him happy and he wants to be in control so he can chase money. I've been dealing with this for over two years and I can't imagine doing this for the rest of my life. I'm a supportive and loving person but how can I be with someone who doesn't want me or my help. On top of gambling he has other problems which make him unhappy and very depressed. He told me that he never wants marriage or children. I was always there to make sure he was fine but our last argument ended up in me moving out, its too much stress for me.
im so lost and so hurt. Confused more than anything. I want to be with him so much, we are so good on happy days. He now tells me that he wants us to get back together, he only wants a break to sort him self out but I don't believe in breaks. You either work on relationships and problems together or you end it.
My family are furious at him and so against him after this. I want him to get better and happy but I'm not sure if there is any hope? Can a man addicted to gambling completely stop?
🙁
Hi,
Sorry to hear it.
Living with active addiction is harmful all round and not to be recommended. You end up trying and failing to fix the unfixable (him) and it's a recipe for misery. He has to fix him. Think what you would expect from a life partner (honesty? equality as opposed to someone to babysit? respect? emotional commitment and availability?) and ask yourself if you're actually getting any of it. Or are you just getting someone to fix?
Living with an addict in recovery is manageable but precarious. Addiction can be arrested but never cured and one single use leads to disaster. Recovery needs ongoing maintenance, it's not a final destination. He would be available to you as a life partner in a way that he's probably not as an active addict - for as long as he decides to do everything it takes to stay in recovery.
Keep the focus on you and what you need.
CW
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