It’s done

Hello 

so I had to make a new account as I lost my details from last year. My old user name was leeslies if you want a better idea of things had a look back to sept last year on here  but it’s such a long story .. basically been together 20yrs he was betting all the way thru on and off .. you know the story “I promise will stop” … empty promises then it all starts again . We’ve got two lovely’s kids and last year after a big loss and more lies to cover himself I finished it . 
I then found out he had been on dating sites and cheated on me too! He had been seeing and sleeping with her for weeks … he acted like he didn’t care until he found out I was going on a date with someone ( I only did this because of what he had done I never looked at anyone else in 20yrs and I was devastated and at an all time low and tbh I thought I must be unlovable )  then he changed overnight begging me to give him a another chance and even forcing out a little cry ( he doesn’t do emotions at all) he promised me the world !! And I was stupid enough to believe it all yet again ! We started counselling and I thought it was going well but I found him on dating sites a week after this and also from his phone that he had msged the other woman the day after our first session and told her it wasn’t working!!!! I was physically sick when I found out the pain was unbearable. He sent me more letter and promises and we went back to counselling again! He told me he had stopping all the dating sites and women and betting. I also made him throw his phone over the river where we live! Bit harsh I know but I needed to believe he was serious… I feel so stupid now anyway just before Christmas I asked him if he wanted to move back in and I found out he had a sercet phone at his mums house !  But still I took him back!!! I wanted my kids to have a nice Xmas and the lil one missed his dad . New year felt like we turned a corner and he joined ga and send he would go to gambling counselling too. He also gave me his bank card . Anyway fast forward to now … I’ve just told him it’s over … I just feel like things are going down hill again more arguments no s*x life him generally just plodding along and not seeming happy ..he lasted a few months at ga sed he didn’t like the ppl in the group.. he stopped reading and researching about self help stuff mindfulness and meditation. He got his card back and his iPad back … and a new phone . He does let me see these when I want to but he will know how to delete stuff  …. I’ve had to nag him constantly to sort out going to another face to face group which he hasn’t .  He started a zoom meeting last week but again I pushed and pushed for this!! He doesn’t seem to want anything in place and that petrifies me ! He reckons he’s doing fine but won’t talk to me … I’m just sick of acting like his mum!!! I want someone to care for me and treat me like a partner and a soulmate . I feel like he’s none of these now . Please tell me I’m going to be ok x sorry it’s a long one … loads more too it but I’m worn out reliving it again x