Hi,
I found found out at the end of last year my husband has been gambling and has a serious problem. I knew he enjoyed a bet with the football which I thought was fine but the reality was he had racked up around 30k of debt. I found out due to being suspicious around the amount of phone calls and letters he was receiving daily. Fast forward to now, we have halved the debt and he claims he will never gamble again.
I have zero faith in him and I feel like it’s pushing me into a horrible place. My anxiety/mood doesn’t feel great, I feel anxious and just on edge around what he is doing. I have a 8 year old daughter who I feel deserves the best of me and hasn’t had that for so long.
He has a lot of friends who are big into gambling, some who probably have got themselves into the same issues maybe and my gut isn’t very trusting right now.
I asked for access to all of his accounts and credit file last year, which I am still waiting for. He’s changed the password on his phone and I feel like there could be more to it than meets the eye.
How do you know when enough is enough? I want to live without this anxiety constantly ? will I ever trust him again?
Hi. Thanks for sharing, sure is a tricky one. I think you have done a great job supporting him half these debts, no doubt it took a lot of trust and hard work between you both. It is not easy living around gambling (or gambling thoughts whether past or present) as it can be incredibly draining.
For me; you have summed it up in your post above. Your 8 year old daughter is too much of a big deal in all this for you not to be at your best for her again. Your instinct is usually right if you have zero faith and live with an ex-gambler. In my opinion, the fact that u are still awaiting information about his credit file and the change in passwords, there is a lot he is hiding and the debt could be a whole lot worse. I’m 99.9% positive he has not told you the whole truth about his finances or his actual current gambling status. Don’t mean to be negative, but after years of trying to quit, I was him a year ago (294 days gamble free now). I had all these signs.
The fact he also has friends that are big into gambling makes it much harder for him to quit and properly let go of gambling thoughts. I mean; I’ve lost lots of friends along the way, a lot of good ones too due to my habits, but a lot of bad influencing ones too. And now; most of the time I’m with my wife and she is the only friend I need. Sometimes, less is more.
I can’t tell you what to do, but your instincts are correct, you should be worried! Maybe have a sit down with him tonight and get all cards on the table (no pun int) and get the whole truth. If he is struggling with gambling currently there is lots of support out there if he really wants it. Even financially; it’s there. But the lies might be too much for you… I don’t think you can trust him ever again.
Good Luck, let me know what your thoughts are, we all want the best for our members here with honest views.
@beat_gambling_today thank you for your reply. I appreciate you being honest as I feel like I battle between thinking one thing and other recently.
I have full control over our finances now but he does have a business bank account which I have no involvement in. I have no idea about cash flowing in or out of this bank.
When the subject is brought up it gets swiftly brushed off saying it will never happen again, which to be fair his mental health has been crazy for the past year and he seems in a much better place now.
I just can’t shake off the what if, I don’t think he will get any further credit due to the financial mess he got into but I also know the payday loans don’t look into this. He enjoys a lot of various sports which whenever they are on make me so anxious.
This whole situation it just crazy, I never totally understood how bad gambling could be until it hit me in the face ☹️
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am going through a similar situation atm. I just found out my husband has had a gambling addiction for half of our relationship and I knew nothing! I too had asked over the years for access to his credit file etc. This was never forthcoming and now I know why.
He had been obtaining pay day loans and bank loans for years. Even though he had a fantastic wage, it clearly wasn’t enough.
I don’t know if I can ever trust him again and I am focusing solely on our 3 year old. He deserves to be happy.
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