I feel very distressed. I am worried about my partner. He gambles day and night, sometimes he gambles for more than 24 hours in a row without sleep.
He does not admit that he has an addiction, in fact, he says that he is a professional gambler, but he does not stop losing money. He spends his entire salary in less than a week.
He owes me money, he pressures me to give him more and more money, making excuses saying that it's for cigarettes, or saying that he needs medication. I also have to pay for all the expenses and sometimes he doesn't pay the rent and I have to pay it myself. He has debts with other people too, but I don't know how much he owes since he doesn't want to tell me.
Every time I refuse to give him money he gets angry and says very hurtful things to me. He says he doesn't have a problem but he obviously does. Sometimes he blames me when he loses money.Â
We never do things together because all he does is gamble. I have insomnia because it bothers me a lot that he is next to me gambling all night.
I am thinking of leaving him before it is too late as he has made it very clear to me that he does not want to change. I love him and it is very difficult for me to make that decision. I am also afraid that, if he stays by himself, he will end up in the street.Â
Sometimes I wonder if it is worth to continue trying.Â
I'm sorry the sad truth is only he can help himself first step is admitting he has a problem. We all on here know we have a problem. Give him an ultimatum that he admits his problem and gets help or you leave. You have to look after yourself it's not fair on you. It's a tricky one but he sounds like he deep into his addiction , you can't just flick a switch and its gone . Be tough times ahead but it can be fixed with proper support. You need to look after yourself though sounds like your mental health is suffering. Good luck and come on here for any support yous need it's a good siteÂ
At some point you have to let him be responsible for his own actions. If you keep paying the rent or giving him money for other things, he’ll know that he can rely on you and therefore doesn’t need to take ownership of his own life.
People can change, I’m an example of that, but for me it was too late. I had to lose my family and more before I decided enough was enough. Unfortunately for you, he has to want to stop and put the work in to stopping. You can give him the ultimatum but be prepared to follow it through.
I was given so many chances, and at the time I tried to stop but I allowed myself to slip back to bad ways thinking it would be okay or I could fix the situation. One day I couldn’t and my wife had had enough.
She is happy now living her life and I’m happy for her.
You have to decide how you want to live your life. How he acts and any consequences are on him, not you. You are not at fault. Remember that.
Chris.
Hi
Thank you for sharing your pains and your frustrations with us.
In time I went to meetings for my self.
Only then it started to work for me.
The simple truth money was the fuel for my addiction.
Only once I handed over my finacnes did I have any chance of a healthy recovery.
Each day I was given a samll amount pocket money to buy food snacks or f**s.
Over time I found that having small amounts of money made it easier for me.
Gamanon helps you heal your self and find people you can talk to who can walk you through it.
Make finaces as secure as you can so tha only you can gain access to funds.
Sorry you are in pain ad feeling emotional vulnerable.
Dave L
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Hi Yoco
im sorry to read this, and as you can see I don’t often comment anymore. I’m the wife of a compulsive gambler, 24 years married. I’ve done most of the things you talk about, paid loans, paid him, ring debt companies etc. The difference is I didn’t work I was stay at home mum, isolated in fear. It was early in our marriage that I found out and he let me control money (so I thought). Any way he was lucky, good job paid for his gambling. He eventually stopped working through I’ll health because his mental health was severely affected.Â
Your situation is yours alone. This is all about you. That’s what we have to realise. How much are you willing to stop? Stop paying for him to gamble? We all get tied up in emotions and worry, what will happen, happen to them, the house, etc. What will happen to you? Your self?Â
We cannot stop a gambler. We can stop giving them money, paying their share.
You have to get help and support for yourself. There are many things for you to do to get strong. Talk to someone at gamcare. Talk to other organisations. I did gamcare counselling, Gamanon meetings, self help books.
i also financially severed myself from my husband so I was protected.
he chose to stop, he chose to give up money.
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For self preservation you need to think about yourself only. You cannot control his actions. He has to realise for himself.
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Addiction is strong and thanks to the internet you can do it anytime anywhere. He is now seriously affecting his life choices and he’s dragging you with him to hell. You have to let go.
Financial advice can be found with stepchange. Please get some emotional help and guidance for yourself.
Thank you all so much for your advice and for sharing your story with me. I am happy to hear that there are people who have managed to get out of this situation.
I know he's only going to change if he wants to and there's nothing I can do. I am going to try to follow your advice and prepare myself mentally to give him an ultimatum and be able to follow it through when I am ready. For now, I am going to try not to give him money or pay for his expenses so that he realizes that he needs to take ownership of his own life and I will think more about myself.
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