Our 24 year old son has been gamble- free for 140 days. We have been managing his wages and spending money since then. He has to ask us for petrol money/eating out/nights out with friends & girlfriend so we send him small amounts and he sends back receipts etc He has just declared he wants more control over his own money- not complete autonomy but a larger amount for spending so he doesn’t need to keep asking. I’m not sure- my husband is going to open a dialogue with him this week. Anyone got any experience with this situation or any advice they can give us on how to proceed. Thanks in advance 🙏
It's a tough one. The golden rule of quitting is to hand over finances to someone else. No money, no gambling. I didn't have that option and I've had to manage my money from day 1. 151 days later I'm still managing, even with the savings I now have. That is me though. I was super committed to beating this. I feel comfortable with money now.
There will come a time when you will have to allow the finances to return. Does this happen all at once, or bit by bit? I'm not really sure. Why don't you increase the amount slowly. Maybe just enough rope to hang oneself (as the saying goes). Try a test run for a few weeks/months. See if he can save a little with the money he gets. Keep some back should the wheels fall off. It's all about encouraging honesty and openness, but also allowing someone to reintegrate into normal life. Maybe with new found 'wealth' the desire to not gamble will be stronger. That certainly worked for me.
I feel a little trial and error may be on the cards here. Make sure he's locked down from online sites and/or bookies. Make sure his bank wont allow gambling transactions. Test the waters. Make sure he understands that he has to come clean if he does slip. Hiding it wont make it go away. 2 way trust is a must.
Hope this helps in some way.
Stay strong 👍
I agree with what has been said above. But just remember the reason why you are managing his money. I have been in your sons position, i was trying to get money back as i thought i was strong enough to resist temptation. However i found myself very quickly falling into old patterns. All i can say is if you notice any signs or patterns he does when gambling that start to appear again then he is probably struggling. Keep strong with the rules you set so he knows the boundaries from the start.
Currently having my own managed. Try 365 days then discuss, 140 days and he might slip back into it. He is young, can go 2 ways, he can beat it easier if the hard work is put in now. I wish I was 24 again.
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