My partner has gambled money from work please help

His Wife, your post made me cry because I am so so sorry for what you are going through and I understand completely. You don’t deserve this and your children don’t deserve this. I wish I could help and take be pain away but I am going through similar circumstances myself and it doesn’t get easier or clearer I making decisions. The best advice I could give you is to get help yourself. I hope your husband is willing to get help too but even if not please get help for yourself so you have some mental support and comfort with someone who also understands. I have a counsellor from Breakeven it is free and he calls me every week. I also called the gamcare helpline when I found out my partner gambled £8000 of his work money. I cried and hyperventilated for 30 minutes but the lady was very patient and just helped me to breathe through it and even just having someone listen to me cry made me feel like I wasn’t alone. Please do this and take care of yourself. As for the money, does your husband still have possession of his grandmas money can he put this in your name? Or somewhere he can’t access? Are you in charge of the rest of his money and your children’s money for the future? Put these measures in place as soon as possible. Also one thing I want to do and haven’t done is to have my own secret money. As I have my partners money my fund info I share with him but he can’t access. I want to have Back up money for my safety and future if everything goes to pot in the future. Not nice to plan for and even worse to not have any money for it, but it is on my to do list. I know this might not help but I hope it at least brings comfort that I am sorry and feel your pain. Take care of yourself xxxxx

Hi anonymous he should get blocks on his phone and then you don't need to hide it, or change it for no internet. I've just finished counselling, I have mixed feelings. It's definitely made me feel calmer. With a cg the first massive hurdle is to stop. He feels he's done that. They are encouraged to look forward, looking back doesn't help them. If you are 100% financially secure, credit reports, his money, your anxiety should lessen. But you have to consider what you want. His debt is not yours. Is he going to GA or having counselling? You ask what happens if he gambles again? What will you do? Concentrate on you and your wellbeing. Unfortunately you cannot control whether he gambles or not, it's his choice. You have choices too.

Hi anony.

I just wanted to agree with merry go round.
I have tried everything in the past to stop gambling and in the end it's always my phone that's a complete let down for me. In the end I decided to buy a new phone Samsung s8. It has allowed me to install gamban software on it (which you can not install on iphone) you can but u can uninstall it which is completly pointless. For ВЈ10 1year subscription you can install it on 3 devices mobile laptop ect.. the most important thing tho it's working for me. I slipped up and walked into the bookies hence I am 3 days gf but av never bet on for for a month now with is great. You should really look into gamban I have only used it on 1 device as thts all I need it for so I still have a product key I am not sure if it will work for you or how we could get around it but I am happy to give it to you to install on his phone it would save you £10 A guess.

Take care x

Hi Merry Go round and how did it get to this, thank you for your messages. Thank you for the top about gamban I hadn’t heard of that? And is that something you cannot uninstall from an android device? I have an iPhone but he has an android phone so if you can’t uninstall it that would be perfect. Wouldn’t stop him selling things but would stop his midnight gambling and takeaway any option for him to gamble his salary in the middle of the night! Which would be reassuring for me. Merry go round, you make lots of sense and I know the logical answer but I don’t want to be without him, I don’t want a life without him. How can I choose something I don’t want and I’m not sure how much better off I would be. Obviously I would have more money but he is my whole life, besides the gambling he is the best person I know. So frustrating and confusing, I’ve started counselling again. Need some support, hope you are all ok xxx

Hi anony mous you don't have to be without him, you just have to change your reaction to him. You should find support for yourself. Gamanon is there all the time not just 12 weeks of counselling. There is a new blocking device/ option called gamstop. He would have to sign up himself, it blocks online for 5 years. In relationships there is healthy and unhealthy behaviour. Compulsive Gambling is unhealthy as it affects mental health, it's secretive and very damaging to all involved. There is no way without ongoing support from people who've experienced it will you survive. If you go to gamanon it's a wake up for him too because it shows you're going because of gambling. A partner who is self destructing needs help and encouragement to stop that behaviour. There is no judgement. Reality is you've chosen to be in a dysfunctional relationship therefore you need help to see what is healthy behaviour. I too have been where you are, I chose that unhealthy relationship. I have never walked away. But I have learnt that I have a problem too. You will not experience the support of people who understand like no other unless you find a meeting. My counsellor did not support attendance at gamanon or ga, but he isn't there to help me now. I know where I would rather be and on who I can trust.