Still happening... Completely depressed and frustrated

Where to start with this.....

Its been a one year and a half now of self-destruction. I know this over and over. I waste my full wage every single month, even waking up at 00:05 past midnight when my wages have just been deposited - Sometimes its been a few hours until they are all gone, sometimes slightly longer like 2 days. But the end result everything is gone, borrowing off my partner just so we can live and eat. I am in debt, not loads but enough- My wages are now going into the joint account in which we need for our mortgage, not entirely sure how i managed to get a joint mortgage this year with my credit history and poor money management, but thanks to my partner she is incredible with everything and very good with managing her own finances. 

But reality is now. Things have to change. I am starting to understand this gambling addiction will never just go away, compulsive gambling addict that I just need to control. Compulsive and addiction behaviour probably consumes most of my traits - Potentially autistic, socially awkward a lot of the time and get consumed and addicted by anything that I enjoy doing (going to the gym, working on a project, playing on a game) but unlucky for me is that gambling and risking money are part of the activities I take part in that is dangerous to every aspect in my life. 

I really wish i was addicted to something healthy and not to gamble and be self destructive. The anxiety of throwing away a full months pay is crippled it really is, i have woken up in the mornings with panic attacks because of it not really knowing how it got so bad. But it happened. I have to deal with it. It's not like i have been on a bender for 2 nights- spent a couple of hundred quid and stopped because my body was too intoxicated, with gambling that doesn't happen you just keep going and going and going until nothing is left. 

I really want to change, I'm almost envious of people who are living normal lives, who can control a little bet at the weekend. I don't want to bet at all. I hate it. 

Ryan