Nearly 10 years my well ex partner has gambled, and he says he no longer does, but there are signs he is but then he does have money to drink so maybe he isn’t.
I’ve put up with a lot I shouldn’t have really tried to ‘help’ as much as I could unknowingly enabled as I was clueless to the lies addicts will say to get money. We have 2 kids, it’s for them I’ve realised that even if he’s not gambling anymore the behaviour is still there. He drinks a lot more, he used to not drink at all so I worry he’s replacing one problem with another. He shows no effort with the kids, he said it was because he struggled with not working and gambling but still he’s the same, the little time he’s with them as we don’t live together because he didn’t help with bills and caused disruption to first borne life. He will sit on his phone, or go to bed because he’s tired. I’ve said he has to make an effort and priorities them but he won’t, he doesnt ask after them. He makes it about us but I’ve told him I can understand you have mental health, they don’t they just see inconsistency and you ignoring them. I’ve said even if you’re not gambling you still have behaviour that’s not ok. He lied about me being in hospital in his last job when i was pregnant which I found out about because someone asked my mum if me and baby was ok, he didn’t see a big issue with this. He spent the night in cells after being in a physical fight with family members, got in a fight after a night out needing stitches. I just question how much of this is gambling related? I have to protect my kids from it, I have given so many chances for his sake as he’s missing out not them. Anyone else in a similar situation?
Hello ceg and welcome to our Forum.
It isn't easy to come on and share your story, something which you have been experiencing for a significant amount of time now. Well done.
It's difficult to give an answer of certainty here. You've mentioned a lot of characteristics that could be consistent with somebody who is struggling with their gambling such as the web of lies, the lashing out at those closest to him, the lack of effort on other priorities in his life etc. His increased alcohol consumption could also be a way to cope with other pressures in his life, as with his gambling previous to that. However, it may also not be the case and it’s important to understand what it is he may be trying to escape or avoid, as getting support with that and addressing it in the future could lead to an improvement in other aspects of his life.
It's also important that you feel supported too. We at GamCare recognise it’s not just the person who gambles/gambled that is affected but others around them too. In case you weren’t aware, we have a 24/7 helpline that you can use if you’d like to have a deeper discussion about your own wellbeing and whether you would benefit from any further support. We can be contacted on 0808 8020 133 or you can access our live chat for a conversation with one of our advisers.
We also have chatrooms dedicated to those who have been affected by somebody else’s gambling - https://www.gamcare.org.uk/news-and-blog/blog/supportive-space-for-affected-others-join-our-family-and-friends-chatroom/ .
Here is another article which may show some insight into more typical behaviours associated with gambling harm - https://www.gamcare.org.uk/understanding-your-gambling/signs-of-gambling-harm/
Thank you for your post and if you have any questions please feel free to reach out.
Many thanks,
Steven – Forum Admin
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
