Second guessing everything !!!

@forevertryinggirlfriend

Thank you for sharing this and I'm very sorry to hear what you have experienced.

I can imagine it has been a very difficult time for you and it's important that you take care of yourself in the situation.

There is bereavement support available through CRUSE if you would like to contact them, you can find more information here Home - Cruse Bereavement Support.

If you have not done so already I would encourage you to contact us on our 24 hour helpline. You can call for  free on 0808 8020 133 or you can reach out to us on our Live Chat which is also 24/7. There are further support options we can discuss. This may help make this time less difficult for you.

All the best,

Fay

Forum Admin

Hello FTGF and Welcome

Is there anyone you can talk to like a friend of your mum for example? You will need support because after a deep breath you will have to start looking at this in a new tougher way

You can only help him from a position of knowledge and strength......even then he can only be helped if he is ready to recover

I'm not saying he is a bad person but he is an addict and his addiction is manipulating you

The reality is that you won't have any security living with a gambler so you can't let this be a blind love. I'm sure you do love him but that love will take you both down on the gambling hell ride unless he sorts himself out

You need a new brand of tougher love as your partner is a drug addict for gambling. He can not justify throwing that money away unless you have a money tree in the garden.....obviously we don't and I could not afford to throw a tenner away never mind the thousands I did.

Are you strong enough to come home again and find he's blown all the housekeeping money?

It needs sorting out and I'm sorry to see what you are going through

Have you told him your relationship is on the line because he has a decision to make. The fact is he gets help to beat the devil inside or he is going to lose you......does he care?

Nobody is judging you for something that is not your fault.  Your family may be right and you sound vulnerable until you get stronger. A break may do you some good but I do understand that you love him and may feel you are abandoning him

We are not relationship counsellors but you need to understand that a gambling addiction destroys people....its not a silly game and he needs to heal his mind from a mental illness

Even then you will need an eye on him for the rest of his life.....do you understand?

It can be done but are you both truly ready?

Best wishes and please call gamcare

You need to leave him. He is not going to change for you.

@joydivider 

thanks for replying , you make sensE

ive spoke to my mum but she too is grieving and having had this happen so many times has run out of patience for my partner and me in keeping him to be honest

hes aware I’ve said I’ll leave. Everytime I ask him to go- but then (get this) end up feeling guilty he has so where to go/roof over his head and let him back

the constant lies and guessing where he is - if he’s working late- or if this indeed is another bender and I wont see him for days is ruining my mental health. He says ‘he’s trying’ but he had counselling for maybe six sessions then said ‘he’d completed it’ ! Gradually stopped giving me financial control and then borrowing money from people

just yesterday he said it’s his money so he can do with it what he likes. I’ve worked hard with him to pay of ccjs and debt and he’s just continuing to do as he likes whilst it keeps me awake at night. 

I understand I think what you’re saying about the illness - and I have gone to educated myself but I feel duped as he says he’s trying but his bank statements suggest otherwise 

@gerard-g I think I know that deep down. Still hurts though , I’ve tried hard to support him and feels such a waste of a relationship

guess I’m struggling to give him up too having just lost my dad

I’m so sorry you are going through all of this. I am a wife of a gambler too. I don’t have any advice.

sam

Yes FTGF I hear you but how long can you go on feeling like this and feeling used.

Can you really live with someone who gambles all the money away?

I had this with a drinker.....she could be sweet kind and funny but she had a massive binge drinking problem.

I tried to be her saviour and help her but she couldn't stop.....I was faced with her lies her violence as indeed she was the devil with drink on her brain. I got taxi drivers storming into the flat demanding the stereo because she hadn't paid 3 days worth of fares on a travelling binge

She promised she would stop but couldn't.....she was ill with addiction so I understand that

However the relationship was doomed because I couldn't go on in random chaos. If she had been honest I would never have moved in with her....but she was addicted and confused.....she saw no way out of the alcohol addiction and thought boyfriends would put up with it once they had moved in.

Even when I left alcohol was all she really craved and her next boyfriend suffered in the same way

Your partner needs to understand he can't make you suffer for his addiction....I don't know who's name the accommodation is in but if fear of living on the streets won't stop him, he has a really serious problem

I'm sorry but ultimatum time is coming because it will make you really ill if nothing changes. I suggest a new closer relationship with your mother and time away to think

I worry that you are being bullied and manipulated.....you can't be a shrinking violet...tell him gambling is not acceptable.....a sniff of it and he's out! I don't know his reaction but it sounds as though gambling is more important to his ill mind

Best wishes from everyone on the forum