Hi everyone,
I'm joining this forum because my bf is a CG and I'm hoping to find some solutions here. He told me about his addiction earlier this year and asked me to take measures about it (install a software on his computer, take his credit card, closed bank accounts). Until now it was alright - at least I'd like to think he hasn't gambled until now (he doesn't have a job). But I had suspicions recently & found out that he gambled behind my back, and when I gave him a chance to explain himself he lied to me (which now I realise is typical from CGs).
My biggest issue other than the fact that he's gambling is the fact that he pushes me away right after he gambles (I never understood before why the sudden mood swings) and doesn't want to hang out. He already tried to commit suicide in the past (usually after gambling a lot of money) so I'm always scared gambling pushes him to the edge. He pretty much lives in his bedroom with his computer and video games and doesn't talk to me (we don't live together). In these moments he usually tells me he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me and that I should move on, but I know it's not the truth and I don't want to leave him.
I would like to know whether there's anything I can do in such a situation. I texted him to make him understand that I am here for him but that he has to take the decision to stop gambling first. How can I encourage him to open up to me when he hasn't talked to me for a week? Should i leave him alone and wait until he comes back to me? Thank you in advance for your help and advice!
As a (hopefully past) problem gambler myself, I can confirm that everything you have summed up in the bottom paragraph is true. You cannot save someone who does not want to be saved. You can be there for him, you can tell him you're there when he is ready to open up, but until he decides he wants to, no amount of pushing will help, in fact, it will probably just make him feel worse. I too was very similar in my ways, but luckily asked for help from family before it got way too far!
I hope this does help a little bit, if you need anything else drop me a reply!
Klien.
Hi Amy my husband is cg. I went to a gamanon meeting and the next week he came too. That may be a way to make him realise he has a problem. He must know as he gave you control of his money. Letting him know you're willing to help him is good, don't pay any debt though. Call the helpline if you can't get to a meeting. Good luck
Thank you both for your comments and advice. I will wait for him to come back to me and see how it goes from there and what steps (if any) he is willing to take. I might consider going to a GamAnon meeting/call the helpline if it happens again. He knows he has a problem but it's the 'seeking help' part which is harder, he probably thinks he can handle it by himself when he obviously can't.
Good luck Klien, you're on the good path 🙂
Hi
Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to help until he wants help and that point may never come. Read up on the addiction, get RL support from friends family and Gamanon and think very hard about what you want and deserve from a partner. All the time he's gambling he can't provide it.
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