So basically my husband has had gambling problems for over 9 years. Since about after summer last year was the last time we had a massive argument about it and I basically told him to sort himself out as I can't go on like this.
I think since then he has stopped because he applied for a mortgage and to my shock they actually offered him one. Which they couldn't have done if he had bad credit rating etc. We are now in the process of buying a property just solely in his name. We are borrowing a significant amount of money from my brother to help towards the deposit.
In the last few weeks where the weather has been extremely hot my husband decided to sleep in another room. Normally there's 4 of us sleeping in the one room. Us and our 2 kids. One sleeps in a cot and the other one a single bed. The room is quite big so it's not been an issue till now. I initially said fine for him to sleep in the other room on the days he does nightshifts. But since then he seems to sleep in there every day and hasn't been back to our room..not even when he had a week off from work or even one the days when the weather has been cooler. Now I wouldn't care so much but normally he comes to bed at 11.30pm but since being in that other room, he goes to bed around almost 1am each night. This is something he used to do when he was gambling as I think he was up doing his bets, planning etc. I have become beyond paranoid. We are so close to completing on the property and now I'm scared he is back to his old ways...
Hi Confused03
Thanks for posting and sorry to hear about this situation.
Trust is the big thing that is broken in these scenarios so these feelings of paranoia are to be expected for affected others, you are never alone and there's always support.
Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.
I hope that your partner opens up about whether he is gambling again and that if this is the case seeks some advice and support as well.
All the best
Kirk
Forum Admin
Hi Confused03
It is not unusual to be paranoid after the trauma that we’ve been through having compulsive gambers as our partners. I also become paranoid every now and then and sometimes i feel very guilty about it. However i also learned that open communication is so important. And the compulsive gambler should provide reassurance not just through words but through evidence. They should be sensitive to understand that we’ve been through something traumatic and for our peace of mind we need complete transparency. With my husband’s consent, i have access to his bank account (i receive notifications for all his transactions) and credit report. Initially there was feelings of hurt on his part that i still check his credit report regularly but i think now as he continue to attend GA, he understands that this ‘paranoia’ is actually coming from a good place.
My suggestion is have an open, honest conversation with your partner. There should be complete transparency, he needs to agree to give you access to his financial records. You should have seen the gamstop confirmation email. He needs to actually appreciate that you care. Unfortunately we should not take just their word for it. Some lenders are able to lend to people with records of gambling, just on higher interest rates i believe esp if mortgage advisors were consulted.
So to answer your question, yes you should be suspicious especially if you don’t have access to anything.
Best of luck from us in the forum
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