Should I pay off credit cards?

Hi Rainbow,

It's a very difficult situation but I have dealt with a similar circumstances (although sadly, no big win).

I managed to rack up a whole load of debt gambling. Due to an inheritance I actually had more than enough to clear the debts and could have made a "fresh start" too. I decided not to. I have about 90% of the debt on 0% interest cards which means that I can pay it off slowly and not pay interest for a couple of years. For me, whilst paying the debt off is painful every month, I wanted the reminder of what I had done. I think that a clean slate can lead to feelings of being "let off" and increase the temptation just to gamble a little more. If your partner is a CG then there can be no gambling at all, it isn't a case of just having a quick go, or just spending £10 - it's a slippery slope and one that he needs to avoid altogether.

Having said that, everyone is different and if the stress of having the debt is too much then you could (very carefully) arrange to clear the cards and close them immediately. You could then ensure that he gives you access to his credit rating so that if he applies for more credit you will be notified. There are definitely things that you can put in place to ensure that this is less likely to happen again. But CG's can be devious and he may try to get around whatever blocks you put in place.

I think ultimately, it depends on a number of factors;

- Is he paying interest on the debt at the moment. If so then there is a good argument that it is better to clear it and have him pay the equivalent amount that he would have paid off into savings each month.

- is he willing for you to have access to his accounts, credit rating etc. If not then it is likely that he isn't ready to stop entirely and I would suggest you're better to keep the money where it is.

- how will he view it if the debt is cleared? if a fresh start is going to lift a burden and allow him to move forwards and never look back or go back to gambling then it could work. My experience is that it's never that simple. Just clearing the debt isn't a quick fix for the underlying problem. He needs to want to stop and do everything in his power to make that happen.

Like I said earlier, for me - when pay day comes around, I immediately write off a chuck of money which will go to paying debts. That constant reminder is helping me stay on track. He could be the same.

Maybe the middle ground is that he proves his commitment for a few months - if he sticks to it and can prove he hasn't gambled (at all!!) then you could reconsider.

I hope that helps.

Hi rainbow84

It's great that you have joined the forum because here you can get support and perspective from others affected by someone else's gambling, as well as from problem gamblers in recovery who can perhaps offer a perspective from when they were actively gambling or early in their recovery.

Your main question is around wether you should pay off your partner's debts or not. It's not clear from your post whether he wants you to pay it off from the 'significant amount' he won? Or from your own money? If you paid him from your own money you'd have to be able to trust him to pay you back. The harsh reality is that you don't have any control over whether your partner is currently able to stop gambling, pay you back, and contribute to the household expenses. He is very early in his recovery. It is of course your choice if you wish to do that for him, but it's best if you are aware of the pros and cons before you make that decision. If you look around the forum, you'll see many stories of people who thought that having their debts paid off would help them put gambling behind them, but in fact, continued to gamble, getting into even more debt. On the HelpLine and NetLine we also hear from families who have bailed their loved ones out many times and their loved one has not paid them back and is still gambling.

You've also said you're concerned about the mortgage being paid and that you're on maternity leave. Protecting the roof over your head needs to be a priority for both you and your child.

The benefit of paying off the debt now would be to save on interest and charges. If that's his main goal, we would normally suggest that the gambler should contact debt advice agencies who can put together payment plans which are affordable. They may even be able to have interest and charges frozen. The fact that there is a lump sum available to go towards the debts might affect the options open to him, but as stupidmistakes said, he might be able to put together a payment plan himself. There's lots of advice out there about minimising the interest on your debts. For example check out Money Advice Service's article about reducing the cost of credit card debt. Having a plan in place can be enough to reduce the stress of being in debt.

GamCare has information and links to other agencies who can provide free, unbiased money advice here: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/finance-and-debt-management.

You might also want to check out the dos and dont's listed in our friends and family section of our website.

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/partners-friends-and-family.

Most importantly, no plan that either of you put in place about the finances is going to work unless he takes some practical steps to ensure his gambling can't get out of control again. He may feel that just removing the stress of debt will be enough but he needs to consider the possibility that this will not be enough. We have lots of information available about what he can do to help himself stop.

I'm sure you'll have a lot more responses from others affected by somone else's gambling. And if you'd like to talk it over 1:1, you an always call us on 0808 8020 133 or chat to us on the NetLine.

Best wishes

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Hi rainbow I hate to be a cynic, but, you're not sure are you? Follow your gut. You don't know if his counsellor said that. All that is said at counselling is P&c so you'll never know. If you're keeping money as safety that's good. You also will never be sure if he gambles or not. Compulsive gamblers are compulsive liars. Look after you, the money and the baby. Don't let him badger you. Keep it safe. Find a way of telling him to make him think about reality. Maybe pay it when you go back to work, or as above, wait til he proves it. If he's worried about interest he can always find a 0%card. My instinct would tell me he wants to gamble it. Sorry! Stick to your guns if you can.

Thank you so much for your replies and sorry for the delay in replying. I was having a bit of a down day yesterday and felt like I needed to distract myself today from the whole situation in order to function properly.

You all make very good points and I know it all makes sense. It is the same advice that I would give to other people but when it is your life and you have emotions invested it is so difficult to be rational and objective.

To be fair to him, he did not ask me to pay the credit cards off yesterday as I think he could tell that I wasn't in a good frame of mind. We had a chat (without arguing) and I asked him some questions which had been playing on my mind just to clarify things. It is just so, so difficult as we have been together for 13 years and it just feels like I don't know him and can't trust him anymore which breaks my heart.

One minute I'm so angry and resentful and the next I feel so sorry for him and our family and am willing to do anything to make things better. It just feels like this money is the only control I have over this situation so I don't want to give that up.

He hasn't put in place any of the blocks I have asked him to, although he has agreed to the blocks etc. I just feel like he is stalling all the time and is not keeping his side of the bargain.

Just to clarify that he is asking to use the money from the win, not my own money. Also, he said that he is paying interest which is extortionate due to the amount he has borrowed. When I asked him why the credit cards are not 0% interest, he said that because he used them on gambling sites that they charge interest. Is this the case?

My mind just feels like it is in constant overdrive which is not good whilst surviving on very little sleep with a young baby.

Sorry for the long post but need to get it off my chest somehow.

Hi Rainbow,

Firstly - I'm sorry you are here, facing a situation that is not your fault.

I am a compulsive gambler so can only add a voice from that perspective. 20+ year addiction and only 327 gamble free so not an expert by any means.

Credit Card - yes, he is correct, Gambling transactions will be regarded as 'cash-like' and will therefore attract interest, usually at a higher rate than purchases, plus a charge of approx £2 per transaction will be added. No the credit cards don't block you either, in one month I made 109 deposits without any questions being asked, this included me hitting my limit and then paying some off before spending it again within 24 hours.

Blocks: If he wants to stop, he will do everything he can. Willpower is not enough. Taking steps because you want/need him to is almost pointless - if he doesn't want to stop, he wont and he will find another way to gamble. Your comments about blocks are the biggest red flags for me.

I 'won' a life changing sum of money, an abscene amount. I gambled it all, and more. I gambled on credit cards and increased over drafts etc all because I knew I had that money, only I didn't, It never actually hit my bank account, well a tiny amount and by then I had already pre-gambled it.

I was not ready to stop. I had a Wife and two young children at the time, a tiny house but a good job. It could of set me up for life but I was not ready. I thought I was, I said I was.

Actions only. It's the only thing that counts now.

I'll block this, do that, etc etc - all meaningless rubbish.

Here is my credit file, this is my debt, nothing hidden.

I have been to this meeting, at this venue, at this time.

This is the credit card account that I closed. This is the credit card company on the phone, this is them confirming I have closed the account.

This is the confirmation that I have self excluded

These are my log in details

What else would you like to see, ask, know?

Hi rainbow the thing is, if you pay the cards with 'his win' he's free to get more credit. I have done everything wrong in my time as wife of cg. I trusted, I believed. I've been married 19 years and he's been stopped 1 year 15 years ago and now 280+days. I've paid off loans, cards, used savings to stop interest. I know he wanted that money to gamble. Now I know, not then. I believed him when he said this is the last. It doesn't matter that it's his winnings. Keep them safe, protect yourself. Interest will be minimal compared to the damage he can do with a big win. Keeping it safe is helping him even though he can't see it. The more credit cards you pay off the better your credit score the more you can borrow. 100% transparency is what he needs to show. All debt, bank accounts, logins, credit reports. You need to be strong. i know it's tough and overwhelming, I've had days years ago when I've just cried. But if you hold your resolve it will get better. Tough love.

If you suspect you may need the money, hang on to it.

If he's paying extortionate amounts on credit cards that's for him to address. There's plenty of debt advice out there for him to access, let him get on with it. He caused the situation, he can address it.

You have the means to mitigate the consequences which is more than many of us can or could say. Don't waste the opportunity.