So confused

Hi, sorry to hear your story and your struggles but you have done totally the right thing by telling him straight.. keep telling him straight and tell him your pain and struggles with the kids and keeping it all togther, im hoping he has support maybe conselling about the gambling or something to prove to you that he does want to change, the problem with some of us gambling addicts iscause we no we have thrown things away we seem to feel sorry for ourselfs quite alot (yes im talking from experiance) but unless people tell us straight we wont realise our problem.

As bad as you may feel your doing right stay strong and make sure you use the people around you as support cause no doubt they will be there.

All the best

Adam

Thank you Adam. I have struggled for a long time to help him. I have tried everything. I told him tonight how I felt and he just sent me a final message saying he was going to bed! That just infuriates me too! Because he is uncomfortable he clams up! Why can't he realise that he is going to HAVE to be uncomfortable to get better?? Our whole life together hinges on this working so I won't back down but I'm so worried that he isn't and won't do what it takes. How long am I supposed to give him? Or how long am I supposed to wait? I still adore him so it's torture seeing him and having these awful conversations. I'm scared he doesn't want it enough. This isn't rock bottom as he's been living with his mum and being looked after and although it would break me in half thinking about him being alone with nowhere to go, I'm not sure anything less will be enough if a wake up call? Thank you for your encouragement I will make sure I listen and act on what you've said xxx

Only you no how you feel and how much of this you can take, I was in a similar position to your husband as my wife/ex (complicated relationship) kicked me out I luckily had my mum and dad to fall back on but I also realised if I didnt improve i would be stuck there forever, try suggesting to him counselling or even contact relate marriage guidence support and go togther so he sees exactly how you feel, personally it sounds like he is wallowing in his own self pity he has the bonus of seeing the kids while being able to do as he pleases at his mums, thats why you need to stay strong and keep doing what your doing as to not let him back in your life til he proves something to you, whatever that something is is determined by yourself,

Be strong supports always here

Adam x

Relate- great idea thanks Adam x yeah I don't know how this is going to end. He is on here too but hasn't posted for a very long time. Only time will tell I suppose. I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope that the path gets easier to walk. He is feeling sorry for himself and he thinks that this is as bad as it can get! He can't seem to see that it could be sooo much worse for him and that he's bloody lucky to be at his mums!! I'm angry, really angry. I want to scream and shout at him. But I won't. Thanks Adam xx

You have to do whatevers best for you sadly you cant always put us gamblers first, others can help us but we need to want to help ourselfs first. I really hope things work out for you both.

Stay strong

Adam x

Yeah I know. It's so hard though. But I know you're right xx

Its not about me being right, its about you doing what's best for you and your family, if that means you having to be a little selfish aswell then so be it x

I've asked him if he'll go to relate with me and he said yes so that's good at least. I'm just so worried that HE isn't doing the stuff he needs to do but the bottom line is that I can't control what he does or doesn't do, only what I do. So I will do what I need to and hope and pray that the rest falls into place. I'm just so tired of it all. I nearly had a panic attack today because I'm so stressed, that's not good! I thought things would get easier once I had told him to leave! Somehow they seem more complicated and confusing! But I will look after me and the children now, there's nothing more I can do is there. Xx

And I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, my heads just all over the place! X

maybe once you have both been to relate and he can see what its fully doing to you and then things may slowly and hopefully start working out for you both x

So he moved out and things are ok. Financially I'm getting sorted and I have enough money to buy enough food for the kids and pay for school trips and take them for a milkshake occasionally!! Which is a revelation and a great feeling! He is saying that he is doing x,y and z and I'm sure he is but this week he has made me suspicious a couple of times so I'm under no illusions. My worry is that because we spend weekends together (for the kids too) that that will be enough for him and he will stop trying! Time will tell I suppose! I miss him when he's not here and the time we have spent together at weekends has been amazing but I don't want him to think that that is enough and have the best of both worlds! Is it a bad idea to be so available to him? I don't know! My head says yes. I would be grateful if a CG could tell me what they think? Should I make it

More difficult for him to spend time with me (not the kids) ?? Or is the nice time we spend together helping him?! Again- it's so confusing! God d**n bookies.

hi fairytales im so sorry that ive only just read this message, I hope your ok and things have progressed for you and your family, it is a very tough decision that you faced, I guess as he sees it he does get the best of both worlds, he sees the kids yet doesn't have any real commitments and also what is making the weekends so amazing? and how are things when he isn't there? is he ringing you and missing you as you are him? maybe by now the both of you are back together, all the best 🙂

Hi Fairytales. I've just read your posts and it rang some bells with me. I know how it feels to be angry, stressed and so confused by this situation that you can't even think straight. I don't know if this is something you'd consider doing but I thought I'd share it anyway....

Personally, I have found it really difficult to express how I have been feeling to my husband. I have had thoughts go round and round in my head for months, but couldn't make sense of any of them, never mind try to get someone else to understand what I was trying to say. So, over the past few weeks, I composed a letter to give to my husband, explaining just that. I didn't give it to him wanting an apology (I know he's sorry), but it was the only way I could try to explain how much his gambling has affected me, my feelings towards him and the effect it has had on our relationship. I know he found it a tough read, but at least he now knows and I actually found writing it quite cathartic.

We are also going to Relate and I have found it really helpful - I can't speak highly enough of our counsellor. I'd recommend you give it a go though they sometimes won't see couples until the addiction is dealt with as the CG is still not in control of their actions etc. It's worth investigating though...

Take care x