Seems ages since I have needed to post anything. Fiancé had a couple of relapses. One in October and one day before Christmas Eve. It annoys me that I have cut off all avenues he can’t Gamble online, his Card is blocked on any Gambling site or premises, most of the time he has my card as he won’t Gamble on it, as he doesn’t want me to know how much he wastes. So I let him have his Cash card to buy Christmas presents and he f***s of and draws Cash out to Gamble. I must add he did buy present. I hate that I have to micro manage him, and always be one step ahead and preempting that he may want to Gamble. Plus because he feel so s**t he doesn’t want to talk about it. So I have had to go through Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day like nothing has happened. I just want to scream at him. I will have to wait till After New year to even talk to him about this as we have his father staying and he picked his daughter up for the next 6 nights. So frustrated!!!!
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Im sorry to hear that Rachel. The thing is if he isn't ready to stop then he wont I'm afraid. Its an illness that we have to take responsibility for and own ourselves. Does he go to ga or seek any support for gambling?Â
Hi he has been in the past. He does want to stop. He has tiggers. In my post I said his dad is here. It was When he was on his way to collect his dad his dad called and said he didn’t want to come, he persuaded his him but then Drove to the next services and went straight to the machines. His dad lives 2 hours away so not easy to pick up and drop off on the same day. His dad is quite selfish and doesn’t realise how his behaviour effects his son and their is no point telling him as he couldn’t give a s**t he would just use it to put him down. His gambling started when he was a late teenager, his parents separated when he was 2. He stayed with his dad but in his late teens his mum came back on the scene and his dad said if you want her I don’t want you. Other things can trigger the Gambling but Rejection and loss is the big one. He had a bad episode 2 years ago when we lost my mum, he pretty much nursed her through her last 6 weeks, I was at work every day and he works from home so took the bulk of the care. She had Cancer. He doesn’t try to hide it anymore which at least stops the lying. That was even worse than the not talking about it.
Unfortunately sounds like he carries the selfish trait too.
he didn’t want to stop so only thing you cam do is not give him the bank card.  He’s not thinking normally otherwise he wouldn’t have done it,  imagine the thought process was I can get some cheaper gifts and gamble some.  I’ve been there and no how selfish gamblers can be. Â
appreciate you are trying to help him but don’t excuse him as he doesn’t deserve it. Â
not trying to be harsh just speaking from being him 5 years agoÂ
Hi Rachel and Welcome
Its not your fault and you will need support over this. There is no shame in telling him that gambling is not acceptable to you and giving him the reality checks that your relationship is at serious risk of ending
You need to take a few deep breaths and think about looking at this again with a tougher approach for his own good....for the good of both of you
He should be living on a tiny allowance with no access to your cards or anything beyond your control
Im not saying he is inherently bad but he sounds like a full on addict and you have to protect yourself both financially and mentally.
I know relationships can be complicated but there is a point where you can not tolerate being dragged down with it all.Â
life gets complicated but gambling was never tbe answer. Its a mugs game and a vice which develops quickly into a drug addiction.Â
You can only help him from a position of strength and knowledge.... thats if you want to help but its not easy to give you the words you want to hear
You have a big talk coming with him which will be a confrontation to save an addict. Again thats if it is safe to do so and not too much of a drain on your mental health
I dont want to split you up and like to think he can be helped.Â
However you have to think of yourself and whether he is ready to stop with reality checks from you.Â
I know the power of a gambling addiction so he is not trying to hurt you with an evil laugh
He just can not help himself away from a craving and compulsion
We wish you all the best and are always here for more supportive advice
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