Not sure what to do

Hi Roo17, 

It sounds like you are going through a tough time and I appreciate that the support that you are giving is having an impact on you also. 

From what I understand, your husband does not appear to acknowledge or accept that he has a problem however it is causing you to be worsening financial situation. There is support available to your husband that he can access at anytime to reduce or stop gambling however what is additionally important is that you and being able to put measures in place to protect you and your children and your finances. Do you have shared accounts? Are you able to separate finances? 

Have you been able to talk to any close friends or family about what you are going through? It helps to have a support network around you. 

Please do call in to the helpline on 0808 802 0133 and we can talk some more about the support we can help you with. Our live chat is also available 24 hours a day. 

All the best 

Ricki

Forum Admin

Hey Roo,

Unfortunately, there isn't a lot you can do in this scenario. The gambling addicts mind is a complex one and ultimately, it will be up to him if and when his destructive behaviour stops. During my addiction, my former partner could scream at the top of her lungs at me and it wouldn't sink in. I wouldn't accept any kind of support either through gamblers anonymous, counselling etc. I was content to sit there and keep gambling, spending money i just didn't have for a 'hit' that now on reflection didn't even exist.

However, one positive and potentially a huge step forward is controlling his finances. Does he still find a way to gamble even though you now control the money coming in and out? Is he using apps or going to the bookies?

This is such a difficult situation for you to be in. I know this is a place where former & current addicts help other addicts but have you considered leaving? I know this is counter-productive for him but remember you still have a life too.

I pray it all works out for you and him!

So difficult my heart goes out to you. It’s amazing how they manage to make you feel the guilty one. Does he Gamble often or are there triggers. After a recent episode we had it was about 4 weeks before he was in a place to talk about it. But then proceeded to tell me that he now feels as s**t as he did when he gambled and just wants to gamble again. I took all his cards.  

Hey, 

Thanks for the reply, our money is separate. He only has one bank card which I have. So when he gets paid he shows me then transfers it all to me. He cannot get any credit so I know he doesn't have anything else. He was usi g the apps on his phone this time, he has put the gamstop on for 5 years which he has also showed me.

I don't give him any money at all when he wants smokes I buy them or give him my card. He shows me the receipts. He won't use my money for gambling which is good.

Generally he isn't to bad against what I've read about about others. It's just his attitude towards me.

He's been free for nearlly 7 months now. But he won't take any help at all.

When I first found out before we got married he blew 33grand and I made him seek help but he only did a few of them. Thankfully them we didn't have any responsibilities unlike now.

He just frustrates me but he's not an easy person to talk to. 

He's told me he doesn't want to gamble anymore, and he choose to give me his bank card and he gives me his wages every month. 

Well he stopped in 2017 when I found out  then started again this year in April. Each time he had inheritance and blew all of it and his wages. He just goes full pelt I get the feeling. He's said its chasing or something.

But I don't let him anything and he doesn't want anything either.