Hey,
I am looking for some advice and a safe place to vent. I hope this is OK here.
Me and my girlfriend (we're two girls) have been together over three years and I worship the ground she walks on except for one thing...she bets.
I have always been the main breadwinner, she hasn't worked during our relationship but I was happy to take on that role.
I have an illness that has deteriorated alot and for the first time I have had to stop working. My girlfriend should work from home but she gets easily distracted by the sport. This month she has bet all our money (my money actually and we are short). This month she promised the mo ey was coming back but she was waiting on the transfer from the betting site, this morning at 5.30am she announced the money was used for another bet. She cried and for the first time I didn't want to comfort her, I couldn't look at her. I have heard this lie for around one year..."it's coming on this day" etc.
I am to blame, she asks for money and I give it, I'm such a mug.
I was in debt once but I paid it all back and vowed I would never get in money troubles again or be scrabbling around for money which I am.
This month its been over £1000, pretty much the same drill each month, ending with her saying "We can't find ourselves in this position again".
I am a nervous wreck when the sports are on because I am terrified she will lose the bet, her mood drops and the atmosphere is uncomfortable. I lost my Dad last year and am trying to cope.
She promises she will pay me back, occasionally she does like this week then I ended up transferring it back and then some. I am lacking the capacity to say no and I am embarrassed.
She isn't talking to me now because early this morning I told her I have no words.
I feel sick! I want to cry. I want to help her but I am struggling. It's the promises that get made and broken that really hurt my heart.
Thank you for reading.
Hey little spoon you are not a mug, this is not your fault. So what now? You need to stop giving her money, especially to bet, or to pay her debts. Call and talk to someone on gamcare. Make sure your money is separate from hers. We are all embarrassed to begin with but you have done nothing wrong so don't be. I go to gamanon meeting and get help and support there. I've been with my husband 20 years and he still goes back when he gets his hands on money, gets loans to gamble. Still sometimes says he doesn't have a problem. This is uncontrollable for them until you stop the supply of money. Please get some help. I have done what you have many times, keep paying the loans in fear. She has to reach her rock bottom and realise she has a problem. Get some help for yourself in the meantime .
Hi
You're not to blame but you are going to need to step up to the plate. A gambler who won't stop can and does drag everyone around down with them and she will let you do the worrying all the time you let her. Draw your lines in the sand and don't let her manipulate you into crossing them.
Read up on the addiction and get some RL support so you don't feel so alone. Look after you too. It's easy to get consumed by it all but it's her problem to address. Don't let her make it yours.
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