The Parent's Story

Thank you for your kind words, I hope you and your family are all well x

Hi Gamparentanon :)).

Thank you for all of your kind words on my diary. Although it's early day's , I can't wait to hold my granchild in my arms come July , I remember the feeling well form when my kids were born but I guess it will feel sligfhtly different this time around as another family generation comes into our world , I feel quite blessed the way things have turned around for me over the last couple of years and I'm in no doubt this will top all the feelings and be the Icing on the cake :)).

Thank you so much for your continued support for myself and throughout the rest of the forum it's greatly appreciated , I'm also pleased things are looking up for yourself and your family :)).

Best wishes for now .

Alan xx

Hi Gamparentanon

Many thanks for you kind words on my diary i always appreciate when people take time to read and post on my diary. Just looked through your story and my heart does go out to what you have being through with your son, but like you say this is the life of a CG and it's a horrible one. I have my own gambling addiction I've got to deal with but my son turned 18 at the back end of last year and I've got to say I am really concerned for him as now a days it seems to be a social thing that's happening everywhere. He plays local football and when I've been and watched they all have there betting slips or mobiles out looking at there bets and to say I'm not worried I would be lying. He's currently doing A levels and has a bright future in front of himself and I'm just hoping he doesn't get dragged into this horrible gambling world like his dad did !! I will be watching him like a hawk and any signs I will be having to have a good long chat with him. Hope things with your son are improving and he's staying GF and he is leading a near as normal life as possible.

All the Best

Darren

Hi Gamparentanon and thank you for the welcome back , It's strangely comforting to me to be back on the pages and yes I'm recovering well and soon be back to the disco dancing ( now there's a picture ) . I hope everything's as well as it can be in your world :)) xx

Hi Alan - keeping my fingers crossed that you get back to being the star attraction on that dance floor!!

We are seeing some sort of light here. Things have been up and down in the process and rollercoasters of emotion etc but hard work from everyone. Call it a bit of teamwork I suppose. Anyway things are denitiely improving and more stable. Just wish the gambling advertising on the sports channels would tone down and wish the high streets would put a cap on betting shops and games arcades. I will get off my soapbox now and hope you have a good day.

Hi,

In my experience it can maybe depend on what kind of financial help it is. For example, if it is been paid directly to clear the debt it could in some cases help someone realise they need to change things and that they have people who care for them that will help then through it.

In my case I never had anyone to bail me out, and maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me but it sometimes led to feeling sorry for myself which would lead me to gamble further. I would also often tell myself that because I have made a mistake and lost a certain amount of money, they only way I could see to fix it was to try and gamble and win it back. Pushing me further into my addiction. I cant tell u for certain if someone bailed me out financially if it would have helped or not. But for sure I know that when I had to declare bankruptcy it was because I had initially lost a 5000 overdraft and I could not find anyway or anyone to help me pay it back. I therefore could see the only option as top take more loans and gamble more and you can guess the rest.

I did try speaking to some family about my gambling but they always had the attitude that I'm just stupid and I should live with the consequences.

Maybe if I saw someone was willing to intervene and offer such support to me it may have helped to not let my addiction get so far.

But who knows. It all depends on the person and I think everyone's different.

I also, knew a friend of a friend who killed himself because he couldn't live with the shame or tell his girlfriend and son that he had lost deposit for a house. In that case I think the right thing to do would be to bail him out if family and friends could afford to as no one should take their own life because of the damage caused by this addiction. That's with the benefit of hindsight.

Point is, I don't think it's black and white.

Financial assistance could be a good or bad thing depending on alot of factors, and everyone is different, with different life predicaments.

I don't think you can throw a blanket over it and say that all gamblers shouldn't receive financial assistance to help deal with the consequences nor do I think that all gamblers should.

Hello gamparentanon,

I've often seen your pitter patter around the gamcare dance floor and your moves remind me of Saturday night fever, great moves and nice shoes, Very, very admirable. I do though have a little disagreement as I think your a very sharp tool in the tool box, in fact a very worthy tool.

I think your so right with regards to using love and patience for your big bundle of joy. Despite addicts being selfish, they have a habit of beating themselves up and all the close people around them get all the sucker punches.

Another observation I have is that your big bundle of joy also shares your DNA, so despite being on the destructive downward spiral, they can muster it up to get them back on track...And they appear to be tapping into it and getting there self esteem back, Good on you and them.

It's nice to be nice they say and very true but I think sometimes people forget that it's also nice to be nice to oneself and I hope that your energy is being internalised into your self as well. Your username implies that you receiving outside help and I hope this continues. I heard something yesterday when a lady spoke about rebuilding there relation with hubby and daughter and she mentioned a open conversation with hubby, and felt sorrow for the tears in the eyes of this very strong man and said that it was a form of ptsd, I think this is so very true. f & f go through so much undiagnosed trauma and can get lost in helping the partners/ siblings and not realising that the trauma was landed on them like a WMD.

Anyway, in varying paces what ever side of the fence we're on, we are experiencing evolution from the dark ages of an insidious addiction....

A real kudos and strength and honour coming your way. Have a good day.

Paul

Hi everyone,

I am new on here and have a bit of a story to tell - it almost feels like a trilogy. My 25 year old son started with alcohol addiction, which then turned to drugs, and he has now topped it off with gambling. He came to me for help a few weeks ago as he had received a Court notification that the housing association he rents from was going to evict him today 15.05.17. He works, and so when I asked him how he had got into this situation he provided various logical reasons - he couldn't manage money properly, he had been working away from home and it had cost him more to live, money had been taken out of his bank account which he had reported as fraud - all of which I have found out today were lies.

I paid his rent arrears to stop the eviction £3700.00.

I paid his Council Tax Arrears of £670.00 as an application was made to Court for a committal hearing (to send him to prison)

I agreed to help in this way on the understanding that I had complete control of his finances, and his wages are paid into an account in my name, from which I will pay his bills - what I percieved to be a simple problem has turned out to be a much bigger monster than I thought.

I picked up a carrier bag from him last night, filled with unopened envelopes - he owes British Gas £4050, Water usage and sewage £1000, Further council tax payments outstanding of £250, along with 12 letters from debt collecting agencies - the content of which I have not yet looked at. What he did not know was that his bank statements were also in amongst the unopened letters - he has been gambling online, sometimes 5 or 6 entries per day.

I was shocked, horrified, angry, felt mugged and then got my head around what I needed to do.

I phoned b****5 and asked if they considered themselves to be responsible in what service they offered? They replied that they were very serious and committed to responsible gambling. I then explained that my son had laid bets with them on numerous occasions within each day and he had not paid his rent or any of his household bills - I have just cleared them to stop eviction and imprisonment. The guy I spoke to was very helpful and suspended the account (my son doesn't know that I have done this)

I am thinking of various ways to stop him from having access to money and have a few ideas which I have not fully explored yet. Gambling, from what I read is classed as an illness. I am going to approach my sons bank (Barclays) and ask them why they did not suspect the numerous daily transactions to online gambling sites as being a problem?

I am going to write to the Credit Agencies - Experian and Equifax and provide an account (along with documentary evidence) to show that my son should not be allowed credit from payday loans (his credit file is scuppered anyway with various CCJ's) and I will ask for a statement to be linked to his account. I feel that I will approach his GP in relation to obtaining support from the GP - my angle on this is a vulnerable adult - the definition of which is someone who is not capable of taking care of themselves - I will argue the point on this.

I am contacting all of the online gaming providers that I can muster details for - again, to question whether they consider themselves to be responsible in the service they provide?

Has anyone got any other ideas as to what I can do?

I have text my son this evening saying "I need to talk to you about your gambling"

I am not surprised to report that he has not responded, and as he doesn't know that I have his bank statements, no doubt he is manufacturing another series of lies before calling me. Thankfully he has given up the booze and drugs, so I am preparing for this next battle - if anyone has any suggestions of help it would be much appreciated.

Thank you

HI karen H,

Well done for finding the forum, there is a lot of support on here. I am aware that you have started a thread in the new member's intro, and you have started getting replies. People on here are very supportive of each other.

it is very good that you have decided to post here at the Family and friends section too; here you can get a lot of people who may be going through similar situation as yours to read and help with what they have found helpful, and also learn from what you have found helped.

It will be better if you can start a thread of your own, like you had done at the new members intro, so people could reply to your post.

Again Well Done.

Regards

Forum Admin.

Hi Karen

Your story is familiar to me and I can understand how shattered you are feeling at the moment. One good thing is that your son has cut out the drugs and alchohol which very often fuels the gambling - in fact one addiction seems to fuel another and it turns into one horrible vicious circle. Also the secret is now out and you have unearthed all his problems now which will make it more difficult for him to gamble and spend. People say, and I have said it myself, that bailing out is the wrong thing today but most parents do not want to see their kids go to prison and this is what you end up doing initially, it's a panic thing. Now that you have bailed him he needs to face up to the state of his finances and it is advisable that you do not make it easy for him to think that he can fall back on you for money especially if his is thinking you will be paying all those bills for him. He is reacting typically to all of this - not answering texts, hiding away somewhere but he has probably hit rock bottom now, is scared to death, head all over the place and just cannot see a way forward and is scared of facing people at home. Try to stress that you want to support him. Although you have to be firm with him he also needs to know that there are ways to solve the problem. i.e. self exclusion, talk to a gp, counselling, go to citizens advice, gamcare, debt advice etc for advice about the debts, allow you to moniter his finances, curb is spending, go to his bank. He may need to go back to the start with his life again but I would suggest you talk to a Gamcare counsellor for a bit of moral support and they will point you in the right direction for other services to help. Most of all you must look after yourself and I hope you have someone to share the problem with at home - if not please stay on here and keep talking to us. It is heartbreaking to see young people ending up like this and I am forever cursing the gambling advertising for throwing the temptation down people's throats everywhere you look. But I will say in our case, which has been very similar to yours, things are looking a bit brighter now. Things will never be quite the same and it will still be a while before we can totally relax but I just want to let you know that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are both getting on.