Unsure

md86,

Welcome!

I'm so sorry to hear things are hard for you right now.

Let me reassure you that what you are currently feeling and experiencing is perfectly normal. The worry over transferral of addiction is common. In order to "fill their time", stop being bored, have something to do, they will do anything, often without realising it can create just as worse a situation. My advice to stop this is to curb all funds for anything other than essentials. If the cash flow isn't there he can't spend it. Make sure he has no access to bank accounts, debit/credit cards etc. See if he will give you full control to his finances...ALL of them so you can monitor what goes in/out of accounts. It's a pressure you probably don't want or need but is essential imho. Is he unable to work, is that why he's at home all day? Sit with him and see if you can find something for him to do to fill his time whilst you are at work. It won't stop you worrying but it may help. Just a suggestion

As for the emotional side of things....all on target and there's probably more alongside too....resentment, loss of trust and faith in him...there are more, does it sound familiar? Don't beat yourself up. He has destroyed it in you by his behaviour. Created it with his deceit. Read up as much as you can about gambling. How it affects and changes him, so you can recognise the traits of the CG in him. Read up also on how it affects friends, family and loved ones. This will help you understand the way you feel as normal in these circumstances. Look for advice, help and support from everywhere you can. Being here is a great start.

There is a lot more I could say but I don't want to upset or scare you off at this point. I will wish you good luck. This is a long road and not to be too pessimistic, don't base everything on him going to counselling. Unless he wants to stop completely and is prepared to do all it takes to do so it will not work, except for him to say he tried! Trust me, I'm wearing the tshirt on this right now....I won't bore you with my own tale just yet, but I've been sucked in by this one recently.

Take care and look after yourself.

Sad x

Hi md86,

Welcome to the forum, and thanks also for sharing your story here.

It seems like Sadandlonely80 has hit the nail on the head for you, and I echo her advice to you.

Maybe, you’d like to try and contact our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and chat with an adviser about your situation or, to find out if there is something more we can do for you in terms of help and support. An adviser can refer you to 12 sessions of free counselling, and nearest to where you live, if that would help you to cope better with the impact of your husband’s gambling problem.

I will encourage you to keep reading from the Forum, and also to post as often as you can.

Pls. note that our lines are open everyday from 8.00am to midnight, and that includes bank holidays.

I wish you well in your efforts to help your husband to overcome his gambling problem, and perhaps you’d like to encourage him to get and stay in touch with us, so we can also provide him with the help that he needs.

Kind regards,

Beatrice