Yes, I have taken the title partly from a writing by Oscar Wilde, indeed he used it in his trial over 100 years ago.
I am not sure how others feel but when I was gambling I felt immense shame, along with guilt, I felt like a fraud, I just knew that I was playing a character and not a nice one.
Regarding the shame. I would go to work and hear colleagues say how great their weekend was, going away to the County, playing golf, even playing computer games. How could I join in and tell them that I spent my days off gambling away £3,000 or £500 on two bets etc, the fact is addicted gamblers avoid telling people about the gambling , we feel shame, embarrassment, failure, but the thing is we are not bad people nor should we ever think we are.
Once you stop gambling the shame goes, you find yourself buying things for yourself again, like a pair of trainers or even a coffee for £3.50, you can get involved in those Monday morning conversations because you are living again and not living in a bookies. You are not lying any more thinking of things to say, you can get some fast food on the Friday rather than lying and saying you are on a duet.
There is no shame In being ashamed as we are human and nobody is immune to this, nore are we bad people either. Once the shame goes and you start living again you go back to the person you always wanted to be and the conversations on a Monday feel real and genuine because they are.
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Really?
Hi
Guilt Shame regret indicate I am healing my pains.
Guilt Shame regret indicate I have a healthy conscience.
My healthy conscience is very much based up on spirtual values.
In a way when I am saying or doing unhealthy things not only do I hurt my self but I also hurt other people.
So being in a healthy recovery I am abale to understand that I was emotionally vulnerable.
The pains of my past need to be healed and resolved.
In time I got to understand that I could heal or resolve my unhealthy reactions and addictions on my own.
As I got wise about my self I understood that given time I could help my self become a much healthier person.
Recovery is nto about who is right wrong good or bad, it is how ever about my finding a much healthier activity in my life.
Only once I start to heal my pains would I embrace healthy intimacy with my self and with other people.
I would understand that only when I could love my self could I love other people.
I would understand that only when I could respect my self could I respect other people.
I have been clean over 31 years now.
If I have not gambled so long why go to the meetings.
The more time and effort I put in to the meetings the more I get out of it.
Just for today I do not want or need to gamble.
Just for today I do not want or need to react in unhealthy ways.
Just for today I want and need to intereact in healthy ways with my self andw ith other people.
Just for today I want and need to be at peace with my self and with other people.
I am abale to laugh at my self today.
Love healing and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Well done mate
its a destructive lifestyle that creates absolute chaosÂ
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I lost entire weekends , a partner and countless thousands in my 20'sÂ
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By 30 i had genuinely had an absolute gutsful of it , I realised I was actually bored of the lifestyle It was all so pointless
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Had a couple of minor relapses but I just feel different now I don't feel that compulsion to want to go and blow hundreds with some idiots on a online table talking about absolute nonsenseÂ
Or worse in an actual casino where its like a graveyard for lost soulsÂ
I don't want to "win" fake money anymore I'm happy just finding creative ways to make itÂ
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Gambling is literally the worst drug out there it will strip everything from you and steal decades without you even realising itÂ
with all other drugs you hit an infliction point very quickly because usually the effects are very very obvious especially with chemicals and alcoholÂ
With gambling you can just get loans and another payday and the cycle starts all over again
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thanks but no thanksÂ
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I really enjoyed how you explained co workers and there outings. It is pitiful to not be living with the money you earn. I work 7 days a week strenuously only to blow it in less than 2 hours. Rationalizing that next week I will do it correctly. I make a decent living but I have lost how to actually enjoy spending money to build happiness. My truck is on its last leg, the girlfriend is leaving, and I've blown every chance every week for about 2 years. What's even more sickening is I think I dont even enjoy winning unless I'm down to my last 20 dollars, I just don't like losing and I feel just a few more spins will win my money back until its gone. Money has no value to me anymore until I'm eating bread craving anything tasty knowing I can't have it.
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