Hi,
I've just found out my boyfriend has a gambling problem and is in significant debt. He came to me of his own accord, has signed up to a gambling clinic and has got himself onto a debt management plan. He is being proactive without me having to push him and is certain he can get control of it.
The problem only started about a year and a half ago and he says he has gone months in between each gamble during that time but when he does it he looses a lot - it's all online on the markets.
I really want to support him but my trust has been massively lost. I'm scared to build a future with someone if I never am able to trust him the way I once was and have an equal supporting relationship. Is it possible to move forward from this and build the trust back up again if he continues to take hold of this addiciton and sort it out? I love him so much.
Thanks in advance.
Hi Ariel,
Welcome to the Forum!
You are very concerned about your boyfriend and in extension about your relationship. You acknowledge that he is trying to address his problem and that he does so on his own accord. He seems to be taking good steps forward.
It is difficult when trust gets broken in a relationship, it is the glue that keeps relationships together and helps them grow. It is possible to re-build trust over time, it takes work and willingness. And people can and do change. Having said this, it is impossible to know whether your boyfriend will make the changes necessary and manage to stop gambling. Time will tell.
This leaves you at an uncertain place and maybe you would need to think about whether and how you may be able to live with and operate within uncertainty. You have no control over whether or not he will stop gambling. You can support him and be there for him, but essentially, stopping gambling is exclusively his responsibility.
There is no easy answer to your question. But maybe it can help you to think about how good you are with uncertainty. In addition, you can take steps to ensure that he cannot access your money or to ensure that bills are being paid, maybe by looking after his money, if this is what you both agree on. This is the kind of certainty, you have some control over.
I hope this helps.
Kind wishes
Gabriele
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