No he hasn’t relapsed. But i feel so upset. Basically we agreed to not have alcohol for 4 weeks to lose weight and also because we’re going on a holiday next week so we thought we can celebrate and drink again when we get to the holiday. No we’re not alcoholics but just thought to challenge ourselves. Was going really well until the other day. I was looking for a stapler so went to his study room, he panicked jumped out of bed and blocked my way. Knew something was going on he said he wasn’t hiding anything but just have a terrible back pain so if i could get me paracetamol downstairs. Knew it wasn’t true but did anyway. When i got back i asked him why was he lying. He said he wasn’t.  I told him there’s no point in lying because i know he’s hiding something. After asking 3x, eventually said he’s hiding a bottle of wine in one of his drawers. He said since it was Thurs (our last day of work before our big hol) he felt like drinking but didn’t want to disappoint me. He cried he said he felt very guilty and he apologised and said he won’t lie again. We moved on from it.Â
Dear @pep1952,
I'm sorry to read how disappointed you are finding your partner once again being secretive and not telling you the truth.
Old habits are difficult to break. However from what you've described, your partner is trying to change.
It sounds like you both would benefit from another talk about honesty. As you've said in the past the shock and the trauma didn't come from the gambling, it came from all the lies and the secrecy. It might be good for him to hear this message again. To know you are not upset about the drinking, it's more about the secrecy and how this impacts your and his recovery.
It really does sound that there is a lot of change that happened for the both of you which is positive. When there is a set-back it sometimes help to reflect on the progress that already happened.
Wishing you all the very best and I hope you will still enjoy your holiday.
Eva
Forum Admin
Hi pep1952, as Eva said unfortunately there are deep seated traits associated with gambling and the secrecy and lying is perhaps the most difficult to deal with on both sides. Gamblers get into the habit of lying and the truth is at one stage the saying " I couldn't lie straight in bed" was a good one !! You get to the stage where it becomes second nature and as wrong as it is its a difficult habit to break. He once again set himself up to fail by agreeing to something he felt difficult to fulfil, I'm in no way saying his behaviour is correct but I think he's lost himself a bit in his trying to always do the right thing. For you the issue is lying and secrecy for him maybe he feels that he's lost some control in his life ? Hope you find a way , nobody said this was going to be easy, if I were you I would try and use holiday as a total escape and a reset point. Take care
Thanks Eva and @charlieboy for taking the time to reply i really appreciate it.
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