What a fool

Hi again as67 and wcid

I agree with you both, what a rollercoaster! Following me finding my son in a betting shop on friday evening, I insisted he self exclude from the 2 local ones (although it has mostly been Casinos I thought) and today he went with his dad and self excluded from the 2 Casinos in town as well. I will admit that we forced his hand as he claimed this was not necessary but we are taking no risks. Currently he has no money but as soon as he has access I am prepared and will have moved it from his account leaving him just enough. He is fully on board with this so I guess it is a start, although I cannot force him to seek professional help he seems to be open to the idea of online chat so fingers crossed. He is so keen on this new girl in his life he will do anything to stop us from telling her (it is awful that we have resorted to blackmail but had no choice). He does admit that he needs help and is prepared to tell her all about it himself once it is history (his words). He says that he has reached the stage where he cannot face going back to where he was earlier this year. The main reason being lack of funds and until he gets help he would gamble as soon as he has any, I know that now. I am not on here every day but have found this a godsend this weekend so thank you.

cw22

Hi cw22 sounds like your son has made some big changes this week. It is great he is agreeing to self exclude and is letting you transfer money from his account. You are doing all you can do to support him in his recovery I too have been transferring money from my sons account it just takes that temptation away from them. I would like my son son to self exclude from online gambling and to even have a go at reading these forums to get an insight of the fight ahead. I hope all of our sons have a good week ahead. -wcid X

Hi as67 how are you and your son getting on this week? Hope your having a positive week. Things here have been a bit more settled for my son. From what I can see he has gambled one day £30 in the last 11days that is progress. He still hasn't admitted or asked for help but he is continuing to let us have access to bank account and bank card. I think he has admitted to himself he has a problem but just doesn't want to say it to us. If that's the way it is then so be it, as long as he is trying to overcome this then that is the main thing. He has been more pleasant and settled this week. I'm just worried about Boxing Day he goes out with friends I'm sure he will want to have a bet while he is drinking. We will have to try and come to an agreement about how much money he is taking out with him, I want him to enjoy his day out. It's difficult isn't it. Hope you are ok and have an enjoyable Christmas. Take care. -wcid

Hi What Can I do

Sorry for the long delay in getting back, I felt a bit wiped out and have had a few days away from the internet.

Christmas has been good, better than I expected, I was dreading it. My son didnt hide away as he usually does and took part in all the usual Christmassy things we do. Relationships had broken down and I feared that they couldnt be repaired but everyone got on well and for a couple of days its as if nothing had happened.

For once my husband and I agreed on everything to do with our son, huge relief as all we seemed to of done for ages was argue about him. My son went out on Boxing day with friends and I know he gambled but theres nothing I can do about that. We've done everything we can do stop him gambling at home, its not perfect but I feel a little better knowing that I can at least make it a little harder for him . As result of this he couldnt do the damage to his bank account that he usually does and he went out and bought gifts, which is a lot better than hes done for several years. We did tell him yet again what was acceptable to us and what isnt and he is to respect us and our home along with any rules at all times. He did protest at first but was told if he doesnt like it then hes free to find somewhere else to live. I dont like us having to say that but its the one thing thats seems to get his attention and stops him from behaving badly.

My son isnt ready to stop gambling, theres no chance of getting his bank card, or anything else. The last day or two hes gone back to being quiet and with drawn , the usual signs of his gambling.

I still want nothing more than to help him, but trying to force him just makes him more secretive and causes more arguments and bad feeling. I really cant take any more upset or arguments so I need to leave him alone, and look after my husband and myself. I just have to hope that in time he wants recovery and I'll be ready to help him then if he wants me.

Hope you've had a good Christmas

X

Hi as67 I'm pleased you all had a break from this nightmare over Christmas. My son also went out Boxing Day we came to an agreement of what he should take. He took cash only so if he wanted a bet he would have to choose between a drink or a bet. I didnt want to ask him at first if he'd had a bet as sometimes you just want to hide from it all. Anyways I have asked him and he says no! I have no proof that he has so will have to accept his word and hope he didn't. He seems a lot more calmer than he was and more approachable I know it's only early days but just hope he can continue like this, I'm keeping a close eye on the pre paid card he has now, don't like to spy but feel it's a must at the moment and he isn't objecting. I hope you have an enjoyable 2016 and all our sons can try and battle and win this addiction. Wcid x

Hi What Can I do

Id say your son is making some progress if hes willing to come to an agreement over money with you. As you say though its early days so please still err on the side of caution.

Ive given up trying to talk to my son about anything gambling or money related, its not that I dont care Im just too weary, been doing this for a very long time. I now hes going to gamble and he doesn't want to talk about it so for my sanity and a peaceful life I just dont "go there" so to speak. Im not sure of a lot things when it comes to this and theres little me and my husband agree on when its comes to our sons gambling but the one thing we agree on is that we wont be living like this indefinetly. But for now though Im going to enjoy the peace.

Take care x

Hello WCID and ask67

I have been off line for a while as coping with a terrible family accident. This has also meant that as I am spending much of my time hospital visiting I have had less time to dwell on my sons addiction. I will say however, that like you he is still enabling me to have control of his finances and he has been successful in finding a good job which he starts next month (up until now he has had little in the way of cash to spend I have to add). He is still willing to let me have full control however once he is being paid so that is encouraging. We had a lovely family christmas and he was back to his normal self (all of the family commented on this too even tho they have no idea about the gambling). He tells me he is using the forum and trying to learn from the success stories as well as having a greater undertsanding of what he has put us through. I will still not trust him for a long long time after reading so much on here, but for now I will say that he seems to be on track. I hope that your sons continue to recover as it seems that we are all in similar positions. When I thought things couldnt get worse life has a knack of knocking the stuffing out of you, sadly, my father is critically ill and I am struggling to cope with this right now. Best wishes to you and your sons and lets hope 2016 is kinder to us all x

Hi CW22

Im so sorry to hear about your dad, I hope he starts to improve soon.

It sounds like your son is doing quite well, theres definte improvements but like you say its best you stay cautious and dont just presume he's telling you the truth.

I have been in a similar position to you are now and it certainly narrows your thinking, its even more important than ever that you look after yourself. Your dad is being well looked after, your son is showing some good progress, just remember to stop every once in a while and take a few minutes for yourself.

Take care x