Hi
i,m new to all this but at the end of my teather.
My husband of 14yrs has been gambling for the past two years that I aware of . I found out through going into the bank to re- order a lost card . Only to find he had run up debts in my name (joint card which I never used ) and a loan on the mortgage adding up to £20,000 . I was blacklisted and unable to leave as could not get any credit. We have two teenage daughters and have a house with a mortgage. I do love him and have tried hard to support him . I paid for hypnotherapy but still he carries on . He has now begun councelling . He once again says this is it . But who knows . I have taken all finacial responsibility on but he still manages to get loans . He hides all mail . Is there hope? I have nowhere to go and only just manage the house with both our wages .
I used to be such a strong upbeat person full of enthusiasm but feel lost and isolated .
Hi lollypop, welcome to the forum 🙂
Is there hope? There can be but only with a want from him to manage his addiction & strict rules that he adheres to which you are comfortable with!
A hypnotherapist cannot make us do something we do not want do & counselling will only work if he commits fully to it. GA is much the same but getting him into a room may be prudent.
Taking over the finances means more than just you doing all the work around bills. You will need full access to his credit reports & I believe he can have some sort of notice of correction placed on them stating he does not wish to be considered for finance. You will also need to be dealing with the post to ensure that you don't miss any new applications & from what you are saying, that may need to be with the use of a mail redirect & a PO box address. It's not beyond the realms of possibility given how devious he is showing himself to be, that he will have taken loans in your name as well as the children if they are old enough!
He should be putting blockers (K9 is free but there are paid for versions & the internet provider can help) on any devices he uses to gamble & self excluding from any places that he attends & any resistance to do this should be an alarm bell for you.
GamCare offer phone line support, daily chats rooms (for all of us) & counselling (including loved ones) that you may find useful but if you can get along to a GamAnon meeting all the better. These are support groups for loved ones who will understand exactly what you are going through & will be able to offer you real life practical advice as well as physical support.
Addiction takes way more than the addict's soul, it destroys people around us & we are blind to it whilst in action. Get as much information as you can on the subject & tell anyone you need to, including friends & family who can support you (regardless of how he wants this dealt with), especially anyone who may be lending him money behind your back.
You didn't cause this, you can't fix him so concentrate on you & your girls & be prepared to stick to any ultimatums you give because if you don't, you will lose the roof over your head 🙁 Tough love may seem extreme but you have to protect yourself & your children - ODAAT
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