where to go from an admission.

sorry ran out of space. he has told me he wants to phone them first thing and wants to do whatever it takes to stop. i dont know why im posting to be honest i suppose i just need to talk to people that understand what im going through.

Hi,

You both have come to the right place although it may seem.slightly daunting at the beginning.

When I "confessed" to wifey she took my debit card, cut it up and 103 days later I still don't have it. I get cash if and when I need something and always must provide receipts.

Speak to gamcare in the morning and maybe think about counselling for you both. try gamblers anonymous.

Mainly read through the threads here in the site. There are fantastic supportive people on here who have helped me and helped everyone. Take time together to read and learn. It's a horrible time but believe me it does get better.

Best wishes x

Thank you so much for replying. I have confiscated his bank card and on Monday I will transfer all payments other than his wages to my account.

I'm hoping he will be true to what he has said and phone gamcare tomorrow.

I just don't know how to feel right now I'm flicking from worry to anger to just wanting to hold him I just feel so helpless.

Wifey did not shout or scream at me. She said "if you ever gamble again me and the kids will leave. No second chance" And she means it.

Best wishes x

It's an awful feeling at the start, it will get better. You are doing all the right things, he has said he will do the right things, but I understand the fear, you aren't alone, lots of us have been through it, keep talking, be kind to yourself.

Hi,

Sorry to hear what's happened. The thing is that he has to want to stop, if he doesn't you can't make him. You have to put you and the children first and look after yourself. Get counselling, tell friends, call GamCare, whatever works.

The practical measures, if you have the head for it? But you should realise that these will require his cooperation and if he won't give it then his refusal is ominous.

He is unlikely to have told you the full story ie how much he has bet, how often and for how long and what loans, credit cards and debts have been taken out. Unfortunately, you can't rely on what he says, now or in the future, because gamblers lie. So get your credit report and his from all of Equifax, CallCredit and Experian so that you can see the full extent of the damage and ongoing do regular checks. Get full bank statements.

If the debts are bad, Stepchange can help.

Take full control of his account and move his salary immediately on pay day unless you want him to gamble it. Close down all of his bank accounts that you don't want unknown loans to be paid into except for one account that you control and limit the balance in that account to pocket money for him. Everything else should be in your name and change any passwords that he knows.

The other aspect of defences is blockers and self exclusion. Get software installed on phones and all computers that he can access. Also write to the head offices of the bookies and websites requesting permanent self exclusion and no marketing contact.

Finally, he should be willing to go to GA and or counselling and keep going. There's no cure for addiction, only control.

This is all a lot to take in, it's horrendous so back to initial advice to look after yourself.

CW

thank you all for taking the time to read and reply. i have made a note of all your advice. today has been a mixed bag my parents came round earlier and he hid in the bedroom whilst i explained why we couldnt give them the £200 we owed them for a rent payment they has heled us withbwhen i had to take a period of unpaid leave a few months ago.

I am so angry he left me to face that on my own. He insisted he was just busy putting some iorning away but has now admitted he felt ashamed and bottled it.

On a plus note he has said he wants to phone gamcare tonight once our son is in bed and has also agreed to give my mum his bank card when it comez through. His card had broken which is why he went to the bank yesrday and hence was able to take out so much money.

I could cry at the wastefullness of it all we still need things for baby due in ocober. Uniform for our son not to mention food and utillities untill payday. Im so hurt that our marrige and family meant so little to him.

I just so hope and pray that this is rockbottom and we can start rebuilding our lives. I know he needs to do this for himself and I cant do it for him. I just hope he means it and isnt just making the right noises becuse he thinks its what i want to hear.

Thank you again for reading.

Hi, KayLouise,

Sorry but what you're describing sounds like lip service and I think you need to see some positive action. He hid in the bedroom and left you to face your parents? Perhaps a row over when he intended to come out to speak to them would have been better? Did you tell them that he's a CG? If not, I would advise you to. Gambling thrives on secrecy. Also they should know that by subbing the rent they're freeing up his wages to gamble. And that they need to keep his bank card out of his reach.

My husband said at first that he would go to GA next week...until our son told me to insist that he go that same day. He did, because his gambling was no longer hidden. Why wait for bedtime for your husband to call GamCare? And GA should have a commutable meeting on Sundays, they have weekly meetings in multiple locations, my husband now goes to two different meetings each week...as far as I know....and they do make him a bit easier to manage.

Get all the support that you can for yourself, you'll need it.

Take care,

CW

thank you cw. yes i told them everything, his parents too. he knows he is not going to get any access to his bank card. hes just bathing our son now so i will see what happens after that.

Thank you again for your replies. He has assured me there are no hidden loans or cards etc but has also agreed to let me have full access to his credit report and I will also check mine. He has phoned gamcare and spoke to them for over an hour. I suppose it's just one day at a time from here

Hi,

Sounds like he's taken a couple of steps in the right direction but he needs to keep it up to demonstrate commitment to stopping.

Get the credit reports, so much the better if they turn out to be clear. He should be willing to cooperate because he knows that he has been less than truthful previously, he should expect you to want to independently verify what he tells you. You can't take his word and he shouldn't ask you to. GA will help him accept that.

For us, my husband is doing what he has to but it's still not easy.

BW,

Can you come to a gam anon group? I don't know if there's one near you, but it can really help to have some friendly faces who understand, they have been my lifeline. I found it very difficult when there was so much to to protect myself and so little I could do at the same time, very lonely days, gam anons support has been immense.

Is the GamAnon website up to date? What would otherwise be my local group is apparently in long term need of premises and the nearest alternative is not near on a day that doesn't really suit.

i did a one of check on both credit files. thankfully nothing untoward but i will look into getting an annual subscription. i dont think i will trust him with money ever again.

im still a tangled ball of emotions sometimes i sit at home with him and for afew blissful moments i forget, then i remember what he has done andthe hurt and the anger all come flooding back.