Who has the problem, me or him?

Or both?!

Hello, I'm new. My name is ... um "Chorizo", and I'm worried that my boyfriend (of 5 years) has a gambling problem.

We both play poker in tournaments, and we both do reasonably well. Over the years we've had fun and made a bit of money. Lucky lucky us.

We've been to Vegas a couple of times, and that's when I first noticed something odd. He had just won a reasonably big tournament but then within a few hours had lost the lot (and then some more) on fruit machines. I didn't understand why he did that (I always save my winnings), and we had a row about it.

Since our last trip when I first became concerned, I've noticed that he is often on betting websites. Most evenings in fact. I also know that he has received a verbal warning at work because he'd been caught gambling at his desk.

I've tried to talk to him about my concerns. He admitted that he used to have a problem years ago, but is now over it, he's gambling "for fun", and that I'm over-reacting.

I asked to see his online betting account for the last three month and he showed me. To my horror I discovered that he had bet over 5,000 during that period, placing on average about 10 bets per day. He then showed me that he had won back 4,600, so was only 400 down.

This is where I get really confused. I'm horrified that he has spent over 5,000, regardless of how much he "won" back. But he doesn't see this as a problem. His argument is that he only bets if he has the funds, and so is self-limiting.

He has never asked me for money. He has never stolen anything from me. He's probably the most generous person I know in all senses of the word. He treats me like a princess. He even buys me things when he wins money. I've now started refusing any presents from him because it doesn't feel right to me. He doesn't understand why, and, guess what, we row about it.

Last week we went out for dinner. He offered to pay and his credit card was refused. The next day he tried to pay part of the balance off but discovered he was overdrawn. I know this because I was with him at the time. He used to have savings in the '000's.

I asked him about it, and he said that he had moved his money into a different savings account but had forgotten about it. I suspect he's lying. And I hate myself for thinking this.

I adore him to bits. I don't want to end up arguing yet again, and I don't want to keep asking for "proof" - there has to be trust in a relationship. But I don't understand how a gambler's mind works, or even if this is a problem, and so I don't know what to do about it.

What do you guys think? Is there a problem? Am I over-reacting? Am I "encouraging" him by continuing to play poker with him? Should I confront him more? Or should I just trust him at his word?

Any advice would be gratefully received.

Thanks for reading!