Will I hinder his recovery?

Thanks everyone

I know you are all right. I won't live like this forever- I have made that promise to myself.

I have told him he shouldn't have a debit card but he says he wants some control!! I told him it's the fact he can't control his money that's got us both in this awful mess!! I know he's not fully commited- which is why all other avenues have failed. I firmly believe that GA will work for anyone who is 100% on board. He isn't 'in recovery' at all. He is still firmly in denial.

You're also right about gambling has taken his soul. He tells me he feels empty. He doesn't believe he can mend but he is also very resistant to any firm barriers being in place. I know he's probably gambling twice as much as he admits to.

If he doesn't make the clinic work for him( because I do believe it's that way round) then that's it. I will just have to get through till then and see if he seizes the opportunity to turn his life around. If he doesn't that will be my enough is enough moment. If I say it on here it's in black and white. It gives me a deadline, and end to this way of living because I will not live like this forever.

Thanks again to everyone on here.

The barriers are part of the "medicine" that is necessary to help him recover.While it is very demeaning to have financial control taken away, it is also part of the medicine that all CG's should take. I gave up my financial control for about 18 months. I didn't feel happy about it, but I knew I couldn't handle it, and the way I was feeling at the time, it would have led me down a very dark path.

He won't start to feel any better about himself until he stops the gambling. That is the cause of all his woes. Until he stops thinking only of his problems, ( which the majority of gamblers do ), and starts to focus on recovery, nothing will change.

i do hope that he does change for the better, but all indications are to the contrary.

Take care

Hi wal1957

thanks again. I know the indications aren't good. And he mostly just thinks of himself. I have told him that the barriers are to help him, but he still resists every step of the way. He partially conforms- probably just to shut me up but his heart isn't really in it. I know it but I just keep hoping he'll see the light somehow. He doesn't read these forums because of course they are for people fighting against this awful addiction. It's all back to front. He would learn so much. Maybe one day ...but then I'd have to delete all my posts pronto!!

Hi Katiecola

You are really stuck between a rock and a hard spot and my heart goes out to you. You are doing your job in that you are aware of the problem and not enabling your husband. Sadly that really is all you can do. Hang in there and listen to your own intuition... you will know when its time to do something. That part you can control... when YOU are ready and it works for you! You are doing great in an impossible situation!!

Take care and be good to yourself!

Hi Katie

Personally I think if all the CG's out there were to read their loved ones posts on this forum, it might give them pause to really understand the devestation that they are causing. A dose of reality doesn't hurt every once in a while. 🙂

Take care

I know that when mr P actually did go into recovery, having me take over financial control was a complete relief for him, he was devasated by that point, he thought he'd lost everything (he had, i was throwing him out), he depserately didnt want to even touch the moeny at that point and to this dau is uncomforatble if i dont have change to give him the right money for his lunch etc for one day, if i have to give him two days worth i can see the concern on his face and he will often say he would rather have no money.

Things do go wrong with money, i have teenagers, i dont always keep great track of what im spending or what they have borrowed, but when my money doesnt add up, no one's looking at him and thats the way he wants it, any more control than a daily allowance makes him feel vulnerable.

Recovering gamblers arent trying to be "normal", they dont expect to be treated normally, they let go.

Trsut your instincts, you're getting this all worked out, keep talking.....

Is my attitude ever going to change? Am I ever going to be able to respect him again? Is it even fair to him? Can he recover when I'm still really hacked off? Should I just do him a favour and tell him to leave? Don't know why I'm asking cos I am the only one who knows but I don't and feel like I never will.

This comment rings so true with me, and whilst my bf is getting help for his gambling i just wonder if things will ever be the same for us again. 🙁

Nope things will never be the same again, and really when you think about it, you dont want them to be.

There is a chance things will be better, but you have to look after yourself for that to happen, let him work his plan and he could well be one of those who learns Serentiy and humility and will be a new man, it is possible if he wants recovery, but you need to find some peace too.

If he doesnt make the most of that help he's getting and goes back to gambling its going to be very difficult.

It is time to make your life nice again and then see how you feel about where he's headed and him being in your future.