Insensitive.

Ooh...sorry you feel like that dragonfly. ...I have only ever felt welcomed and supported : (

Hi Dragonfly , I'm assuming its me your making refrence to ? So I'd like to respond if I may .

When someone posts of throwing rocks at a windscreen and asks " Who can help me now " and I respond with something I think maybe , just maybe might cheer them up ?, Ok in hindsight its the way I try and reach out to people , I'm not laughing at them but trying to make them feeling a little bit lighter , to then be accused of being " Passive aggressive " is beyond belief , I apologised because I thought it the right thing to do and if I upset anyone unintentionally I feel thats the right thing to do as it was never my intention . I'm then verbally attacked and refered to as dad giving advice so I left it alone . I wake this morning to some sort of half hearted apology from said poster .

I'm really sorry if you feel I'm being patronising when I post to others and that I make your stomach churn , I don't see it that way but you obviously do but I'm assuming from the posts I recieve back most of the people I post to don't have as bigger problem as you do with my style and I'm sure they'd be the first to tell me .

I know full well you and joan and maybe others don't think very much of me and thats your choice but if people like myself just sit back and don't offer a hand of friendship to people who are suffering then who will ? and I don't really see you running around putting any sort of input into anyones posts .

If people want to speak to me direct and say there not happy with a comment I've made I'll always try and rectify it but I don't think I've ever posted or spoken to you before and had no idea how much I'd upset you and maybe if I'd been aware of your feelings beforhand I could have done something about it but thanks for finally sharing your thoughts today .

If people want to leave the forum then thats their choice and decision , not sure who the good guy's are I thought we were all equall on here but you obviously have a different opinion , maybe thats the problem the very fact that by not giving support their not paying it forward and helping thereselves stick it out and recover and instead using others as an excuse to quit and walk away ? .It's a public forum and not a private library and open to anyone who wishes to comment and in plain view for all to see .

And the " Lord of the manner " phrase LOL ! I really don't think so ! . I'm just an ordinary bloke whos found recovery and the gift it brings and if I can't share that feeling with others and maybe offer a little help and a few giggles in a dark place ? Well Yeah then just call me your Lordship :)).

A thread?!? For Alan when a certain green creature has been stomping all over the site leaving harmful derisions?!?

I too have been guilty on more than one occasion of trying to lighten the load & I sincerely hope that no-one considers me passive aggressive because of it.

It was clearly mistimed on this occasion but what followed helped no-one & really a post moaning about it? @ the end of the day, we are all addicts here, trying to support each other the best way possible & whilst we might get the advice wrong & there is no one size fits all, on the whole, every single post is well intended. We're all more than capable of ignoring any advice that doesn't suit us or fit in with our recovery as is evident from pretty much all of us, so why not just ignore stuff that makes us mad? A simple message to another user 'please don't post on my diary' maybe a little explanation 'I don't understand your humour' or 'it makes me uncomfortable' could settle these regular bouts of unrest!

Perhaps if the people who had left were still here 'showing us the way' & paying recovery forwards like Dan & Duncs, instead of abandoning the site then there would be a better balance although I have to say, I've been a long way back & can still see nothing better than put in barriers & get help (counselling or GA) which is largely what is offered.

I expect people who have been here a long time to have more acceptance of people trying their best & maybe constructive criticism is a better path.

Insensitive? Maybe on this occasion, another time it may have been well received but we're not all of the same intelligence & it's not always evident whether someone is looking for a response. This is a public forum, there are many people here, we don't always have to get on but surely by signing up to it, we owe it to each other to put personal differences aside?

I am saddened by events that I saw no malice in, maybe that's just me looking on the bright side of life but having lived with addiction for nigh on 30 years as I have, it is my right to do my recovery my way.

Lord Alan, you have my support.

You mean the experienced members who relapse in a weekly basis like me. And then up sticks and start throwing there toys out the pram when new members show signs of recovery. I would say that new members have more of an insight into what this site can do than some of the older members you talk of
As for the stomach curling advice given out. Please tell us of this magical advice that's worked for you that we don't know of? Its a site for the masses. Not for someone who wants to drop in every couple of months and complain how you don't like the way the site is run. And offer very little else

My god.. Deano, Alan, and ODAAT you won!! Game over... Isn't that the point? To win?i thought we cannot win because we cannot stop! Just remember, the only reason you know about my frailties and my failings is because I told you. Now stop beating me over the head with it and anybody else foolish enough to report their slips honestly on the diaries. Stop!!

I thought you'd left?

hey guys. some really valid points. you know Alan is one of the good guys, now he seems pretty happy with his lot, but he wasn't always, he excudes positivity and his jokey way has obviously rubbed a member up the wrong way. But we are as a group here needing everyone we can get contributing, and this forum would be a lot worse off without him, some valid contributors have gone James P, and Suzanne, we need people like Alan, so take it on the chin if he upsets you with his postivity come back with some negativity. love to everyone in overcoming this addication in their own way.

Thanks Twinks! I knew I could count on you! :))))))))) you win too!!

Joan I wasn't talking about you
I also talk of my slips trips and falls on my diary. But I don't need to patronise and degrade people who were trying to help

Deano for what it's worth, I genuinely felt bad for snapping. I said so. It was the best I could do in the moment. None of you really know me. You don't know where my head is at if I don't know. I had a moment. I popped off. I said I was sorry but, it's never enough. I don't have to like everybody do I? That doesn't mean i despise them. Sometimes unsolicited support is taken the wrong way. I misread Alan. Intent and tone is very hard to read on here. If we were face to face things may have gone differently. My partner intercepted my iPhone to save me from humiliating myself any further... That backfired too. I'm sorry. We are sorry. I really feel like my heads gonna pop. I'm a not so healthy fat lady with high blood pressure. I'm appealing to everybody's higher angels here. Me included. Can we just stop now? Please?

Joan for what it's worth I follow your diary with interest . Like I said it's different and I always thought it was you talking to yourself and I like to read it.
I wish you well Joan I won't post no more on this.

And, then again, you have no idea what mine or any other members mindset is at any given time or in any given moment... Not until we share it. Twinks you and I might never agree on anything and I can live with that. But, for what it's worth I get where you are coming from. I'm a thin skinned person. Always have been. Everyday is an opportunity to learn something. I know that kindof talk may make you want to cringe? That's my guess but that's just the differences between folks again.

Wow! & here the cycle continues :-(.
I said a lot of things i regret on here, however i apologised for them and it's down to the person to accept apology or not.
Since we are all addicts, we might interpret things "wrongly". Now, what was said last night could of been received in two ways. Get the joke or feel stamped on the head. Joan, received the comment in latter manner. To be honest, i would of too. ..but i also know the other user who likes to see the bright side of the road so maybe wouldn't take notice or seen it as a dig..don't know, it wasn't my diary.

It's also very clear the reactions of hurting person & person with a lot of time gf behind them..it's two different worlds.

Gamcare will always be the place for support. There are no "lords" on here. We are all equal.

It's sad to see all this..battle of the souls who feed each other with the same hand.

Joan, don't flee. Recovery is a personal journey, & since you haven't got much support from the outside, keep using yoir diary whatever fits.
DF - good tosee you posting ☺..drop me a line when you can,it's good to see you around.

So that's me...no wrong or right. We all commited a crime & doing a time in this world, maybe more understanding from each other?

S x

Hi guy's , As fridays is Fish n Chip night I've just come back on and noticed all this stuff going on , thank you guys for all the input xx

Look Joan really this is between you and I , I said something last night which I thought may lighten your mood , youd been speaking with the girls earlier and there seemed to be no malice to or fro , I know your not in a great place at the moment so thought when you put that post it was asking for help , I thought sending that remark may bring a smile but obviously I misread how bad a place you were in at that moment and I'm sorry that it offended you and in hindsight I wished I hadn't posted .

You know how long I've been here and the way I post , I 've spoken to you a few times on your diary and truly had no idea you didn't like me as you'd always replied back and given no indication , I'm not a mindreader Joan if you don't like someones veiws or way's of comunicating then please let them know , I actually feel quite foolish going along for all these months not knowing the way you felt and had I had that knowledge would have stopped bothering you on your diary .

The point that Dragonfly made about Dunc's standing on a beach and me making a joke is quite insulting in my opinion , do you really think I would stand there cr..acking jokes when a mans life was in danger ? , please give me some credit as I've been in that place and it aint nice , you were posting about breaking an imaginary windscreen with an imaginary rock and saying " Whos gonna fix this " slight difference I think , your right Joan I don't get it sometimes on here , you post on an open forum yet want no intruders on your diary , no comment or support and I question why on such an exposed place would you put down your thoughts if you thought no one would read them and respond .

Where obviously very different people , with differing wiews on recovery and the way we achieve it , I'm quite happy accepting that fact , I will leave you in peace now to deal with things in your own way , I wont bother you again by contacting you any further .

Despite last night I wish you and P well and hope whatever it is that troubles you is short lived .

My best wishes for your recovery

Alan