103 DAYS

Hi All,

I got in touch with Gamcare back in August and what a journey ive been on. Previous to this i would drop my Mrs off at work get back around 8 am and log straight into the betting exchanges and begin with backing or laying on a football match somewhere in Vietnam or another remote country where the time zone was different to the UK.

Around 11.30 - 11.45 South African horse racing would begin and id continue throwing money away and running up debts until around 1.30 and UK racing would begin. That was what i did until it was time to pick my wife up around 4 pm. In the summer when there was evening meetings id continue gambling till around 9pm. I dread to think how much ive lost over the last 40 years.

People talk about reaching rock bottom and after my final bad day and losing hundreds of pounds ( whilst constantly lying to my wife and telling her id stopped ) I didnt just reach rock bottom but i was broken totally. The harsh reality id been living in cloud cuckooland continuing in my futile attempts to win back what id lost, and there was no way on this earth i would ever beat this addiction on my own suddenly hit me. Id become a total slave to the gambling industry.

Self exclusion was a real shock to the system for me,even before i pressed the SEND button uploading my photo and proof of ID i was shaking with fear wondering how i was gonna cope without Lucifer sitting beside me everyday but i did it anyway. I also asked for counselling and on my first session was told i must get excluded from betting shops too. If im honest it felt like being forced to get a divorce from someone i loved.

The first 4 or 5 weeks i felt like a drug addict who couldnt even get hold of methadone. From more or less day 1 i went on the chatline and realised there was nothing unique about my problems and spoke to people suffering the same withdrawal symptons as me. Listening to others gave me strength to think about gambling a lot less and counselling taught me how important using distractions and a change of life style was vital in my recovery.

I spent hours in the early days just thinking how much i hated myself for the misery id caused my loved ones and the thousands id blown over the years. However as time went on the message and advice i was getting from counselling and the people on here slowly but surely began to sink in. I cant describe it but 1 day i just thought to myself this cant go on im sick of being a f*****g victim i need to man up and do something.

This morning i took my wife to work as always but now when i get back no time to sit around cos now i take my 2 grandsons aged 4 and 6 to school. Its a horrible day today and although i didnt really fancy it ive taken my dog out for a walk anyway. CGs normally just let them out in the garden.Trust me i know. Ive got my instructions what to get at the supermarket. Then im off to the gymn for an hour.

I think its beginning to dawn on me that there is more to life than gambling. Am i still ashamed of what i did in the past ? you bet i am. So now ive got 2 choices 1 lie down and die hating myself or 2 Change the future get off my b**t and become a husband father and grandfather who makes a useful contribution to family life and start being a better person. Its been hard for me and my family ive hurt them for years but now im finally liberated and set free no bookmaker owns me now and resisting the urges ( which get less and less ) and making the right choices become easier as time passes.

Thanks Gamcare and each and everyone on here ive spoken too for your support.

Stay Strong

AL