Hi All,
This is my first post.
Today I am 105 Days gamble free. I have been plagued by gambling for 20 years and have never gone this long without gambling before.
I've come for some support because I'm finding it hard at the minute. I thought it would get easier but lately it has felt harder. I am fully committed to never gambling again which is probably the only thing keeping me going.
I can see and feel the benefits of having kept away from it but I keep getting these moments of weakness and have to actively take myself to bed to stay away. Fortunately I've never gambled online, it has always been in house so this has been working for me. I lost my best friend - my mum very recently and always used gambling as a way to numb myself so I know why I am finding it tough but my commitment to never gamble again is also to my mum and I want to keep that for the rest of my life, to honour her.
Can anyone offer any advice to help in those moments of weakness?
Clover
First off all welldone 105 days is great achievement so you should be proud, im currently on day 536 and still got tested not so long ago, in difficult times i would advice to speak to someone close to u and u can also use the Gamcare number for extra support, it totally fine to be struggling as addict we can be tested at any time, the urgues come and go for most part, what helped me was reading my old diaries and looking into motivational speeches to get be through tough times here a quote i found hope this helps
“Hold steady; every hardship fades eventually, and this too shall pass with patience.” “Endure the lows with faith, knowing that this too shall pass as all things do.” “Even the heaviest burdens lighten with time; have faith that this too shall pass.”
I am now 118 days free. This week has felt 'lighter. Determined to keep this going forever.
Today is day 177 gf. I've been continuing to have small temptations. Nothing that I can't handle, just some thoughts about it. Its like I forget how bad it can be and how miserable I was in my life when gambling that it can seem attractive again. I just keep reminding myself of the destruction it caused.
I have however reached out to Gamcare and been referred for counselling. I dont want that complacency to creep in and cause a relapse. I also would like to be able to understand my relationship with gambling to help identify triggers so I can manage them better. I think also having someone to talk it through with on a regular basis will be helpful.
I'm still completely resolved in beating this addiction or at least learning to live with it as becoming impatient with myself about not being 'over' it isn't helping.
Keeping busy with getting the house ready to go on the market, it's been alot to do. Photos are tomorrow and then on rightmove by the end of the week- then just keeping it looking like 4 people including teens don't live in it! We have an appointment with a financial advisor and mortgage broker tomorrow afternoon so will have a good idea of what we can borrow. Finances are good, no debt and a recovering credit score. So alot can be destroyed if I ever go back to where I was.
Next weekend marks 6 months gf. I never in my wildest dreams thought I get here a year ago. I thought this thing would have me in its ugly claws forever. 20 years wasted not even mentioning the money. Onwards and upwards.
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