Hi. 14 days ago I finally found the strength to tell my secret. £50,000 in debt with Credit Cards, Loans and borrowing from Parents. All gambled away over a period of 18 months. That figure does not include my quite well paid salary. All of which my husband and family knew nothing about. So now its out there and I have been gf for 14 days the regret, shame and depression is kicking in on my side and anger and sadness is hitting my family. I am glad I told them they deserved to know what I have done to us. I have blocked everything, my husband has my bank account on lockdown but the money issues and the need to gamble are nowhere near as painful as seeing what I have done to the people I love. I have written this because I think people here may help me make sense of this and although my family love me I still feel alone.
I know this feeling all too well, I'm in almsot identical position. you have made 14 days, and I hope we make it to 3000 days and beyond. It's a long journey.
I'm only day 2, so let's keep counting. I plan to write something on this forum each day.
Welcome to the forum,
Like you 135 days ago my worlds collided. Well done on telling people. I was found out and I think looking back I wish I had had the strength to come clean.
The feeling you talk of are some of the most painful I have ever felt.
You are already doing the advise I would have given you. Blocks, finance etc but I would suggest contacting gamcare and sighing up to the free counselling they can provide.
Being gamble free is tough, this journey is tougher but with the right support it will get better.
Take care,
Sarah
Thanks Sarah and Junebug, right now it really helps to hear Im not the only one x Down for counselling this week, husband coming with me. Also found a book called She Bet Her Life which is currently saving me from going to pieces. I am going to go one day at a time but determined to regain my soul.
Sarah, June bug, Whatshername and every other person in the above position now or in the past, I'd like to congratulate you on your acceptance of things going wrong. It is wonderful that you can open up anonymously and share your experiences and thoughts on this forum.
You are all in a blessed position of having supportive and loving families who have hated the sin but loved the sinner.
It would help a tremendous lot to yourselves and to your families if you could give an insight of what causes the moments of madness. What thoughts go through your heads when opportunities present themselves. Is it unhappiness, adrenaline rush or wanting to become instantly rich which is the driving factor.
Also have any or all of you suffered communication problems before the gambling or because of it.
Do you think a radical change in your belief system could/would help?
Lastly, how easy is it to obtain credit to fuel the gambling? What could your family do to monitor and keep a check on your habit?
If you could give these insights it would help the supporters to support in a positive and meaningful way.
I am praying you all find the strength to rid this addiction which today's greedy and materialistic world pressurises to get more and more money!
Hi whatshername,
well done on 14 days GF and for coming clean about everything. I'm only 18 days in to my recovery and so know exactly how you are feeling. There are some fantastic people on this forum who give great advice.
Have you tried a GA meerjng? I've only been twice so far but finding that it helps to be able to talk openly in a safe space where you are not judged. Also having a sponsor check in every couple of days and be there if there are any gambling urges is also beneficial.
keep posting here, stay strong and I hope counselling goes well.
take care and really just take it one day at a time.
kate
Thanks Kate/Forty. GA locations difficult for me to attend in person but I am going to a counsellor as I definately have unresolved issues. I thought slots were my escape but its a fake high and a false lie. I escaped some problems and created a whole lot more. I will be strong because my I want to be present for my to family which for the last 18 months has not been the case. They deserve better, I deserve better.
Hi whatshername2,
welcome to the forum and well done admitting you have a problem. Thanks for sharing your story.
Like you and most of the people above, I too have an addiction to slot machines, whether they be online or in a book makers. Over the years I have spent many hours of my life chasing the features. Sometimes I won and they came in but more often then not I left myself out of pocket. The more I lost the more I chased to win it back only to lose it again.
I am about to complete Day 10 of my GF. I have put a whole lot of things in place to help me stop but still have lots to learn about my addiction and the challenges I am about to face.
I found when I was down or miffed with the world my gambling took over. Since admitting on here I have a problem and seeing I am not alone I’ve had less low days and more high days. My family now know I have an issue and I no longer feel it my little secret.
If you want to give up, a lot of people here and In your world will help you and advise what they did to stop and help prevent relapses.
14 days GF is great. Now make it 21, then 28 and so on. You can do it. Remember one day at a time.
CJ.
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