Thats the story of my life these last 8 years. 20 black, chasing that number on various roulette wheels , virtual and real.... it all started so innocently as well and has became an out of control monster.
I hardly used to bet , i was the one tutting as the friends shovelled coins into the fruitties in the pub or the odd pound on a horse. No way thats for me , thats a mugs game. And i became the biggest mug of them all.
Fobt in the bookies, that was the start of it all . I mind the day 8 years ago i went with a mate into the shop and was gobsmacked , he just won 700 quid from a tenner !!! , my god i must try this ,its so easy and fun. Never mind the 2 quid i was putting on a football coupon lets try this lark !!!
Fast foward 8 years and its cost me a 14 year marriage , a 3 year engagement , a house, savings , my sanity. All i can think of is hitting ... you guessed it 20 black . Nothing in this world comes close to that feeling when the virtual ball lands in the virtual number. Yeeehhhaaa 499 quid !!! . Or the time i staggered out a casino at 5am with 24k in 50 quid notes !!!, but wait a minute , what about the other 99.9% of times my son when uve spent everything in them. Maxed out credit cards or what about that time you tried to hang yourself after losing 8k in one day ... what about them days , all them wasted terrible days and nights ... all because of 20 black, 2nd dozen.
Im writting this sitting in a hotel , alone , my partner has had enough, same as my ex wife had had enough.same as my family is sick of hearing " ill be ok". Ive tried ga last year but instead of going like my partner thought i was , i was back on the fobts. Ive wasted a fortune including a deposit on a house recently had. A nice shinny 20k.
Where too go? Ga is my only chance now ... i need to stop , i really really do ... or next time that lead might not snap and ill be another middle aged suicide gambling statistic.
Take one day at a time stay strong
You're not alone
HI Lostsoul and welcome to the forum , 20 black egh? , mine was always 22 black , no particular reason just had a big win on it a couple of times and thought , that's it , thats the number thats always gonna work the magic for me , LOL ! What a prat I was , Fobt's casinos it didn't really matter as long as it was 22 black I'd bet on it , if it hadn't come out for a while I was convinced it was going too and if it had been out I was sure it was coming out again and there's the cycle , I couldn't win because I couldn't stop .
Like Dean said , your not alone here , weve all walked in your shoes and know how your feeling right now and are here gto support you when you need , with no judgements .
Welcome to recovery my friend !
It's only when we hit rock bottom that we stop to look around at the damaged caused. You can stay sitting there living the rest of your days living with the bitter thought of what could of been. Or you can pick yourself up, start moving forward and rebuilding your life one day at a time. What I did 2 years ago. Go to GA, you will be with supporting people who've been where you've been & understand. Can show you that you can live your life free from this problem. Be amazed how quickly you can rebuild your life when you have the determination.
Phew!! That was a difficult read for a mum of a cg. Please don't give up, please don't think there isn't a way forward because there is! You can change your world around. Please read stories on here, come on the live chat every night between 8-9pm. Phone gamcare and arrange counselling, go to your gp's. There is a lot of good support and advice on this forum for both cg and family. Please keep trying, get all the support you can in fighting this addiction and getting a happy future back for yourself. - wcid
Hello lostsoul999 and welcome to the forum
I'm sorry to hear life is so very difficult for you at this time. There are advisor's on the GamCare free phone helpline on 08 08 80 20 133 who will listen to your concerns. Advisor's are able to give you Information on counselling services available free throughout the uk for people with problem gambling. If you do want to call the helplines are open every day 8am –midnight.
Please also find a links here for information Self exclusion from Casino’s and software that can block gambling sites on-line.
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/self-exclusion#.Vso1VPmLQdV
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software#.Vso1ovmLQdU
It sounds from your post you are thinking of going to G.A. Please also find here the information for Gamblers anonymous meetings http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/index.php/ga-meetings/find-a-meeting
If you ever think suicidal thoughts again please do call the Samaritans free phone number on 116 123 they are open 24 hours a day
Keep posting lostsoul999 we are here to support you
Hi Lostsoul999 I know what you're going through, I really do. My downfall was the 'green zero' on the online roulette wheel, I lost over £50,000 in one night and got myself in serious debt and genuinely considered ending it all that night. That was late 2014 and I never gambled since. Here we are in early 2016 and I've made a good dent in my debts and have funds in my bank account again. I'm living proof that you can bounce back, I won't lie, it's not always easy, but the day I turned my back on gambling was the day I became empowered. If you want your life back my friend then you make sure you go all out to get it back!......If I can do it then so can you!....All the best to you!
Hi lostsoul999
You are in the best place to start talking about it.
You must stop gambling right now. You must start the process of recovery which will take you to a point where you wonder why you would ever gamble and dont see the point to it
Your post is brave and its the right thing to do. However it clearly shows you have been in a land of ignoring the odds and ignoring reality. you do know that its a losing game. I dont like to talk about individual betting but you must know that number may never come up whenever you are gambling. Its a losing game.
You have been letting things cloud your judgement and your life. The reality of gambling is the important things you have lost like relationships. You have a heavy addiction which is controlling your mind.
You need to sit down with the people close to you, admit everything and seek help. If you are not ready to start doing that, then you are not ready to stop. Its an addiction. There is no shame in crying out for help.
Im telling you that its a better feeling not to gamble. I feel sorry for gamblers and Ive been one.
You know what it has done to you. Do not let friends or out of the blue wins influence you. It ruins lives and pays for a high life for the gambling industry. You have an addiction which could put you in the gutter and thats putting it mildly. you need to be away from other gamblers and away from gambling envirionments
Where to now?....help from people who care about you. That includes the doctor who is a great help to talk to.
Phone gamcare but most importantly do something to start the blocks and seek help. You should now be self excluding from casinos bookies and online. Take someone with you for support. They should be saying this is lostsoul999 and he doesnt want to gamble here any more....then you reaffirm that and sign the forms.
Youre a fighter and we know how a crazy addiction can be beaten with honesty and taking the right steps.
We wish you all the very best
Thanks for all you're advice and support. Time to change thats for sure , as this cant go on anymore.
Hello,
Your story looks very familiar to what im having with the roulette wheel. My number has always been 24 black, once that number came up I won big time, and yes "once" came up. It has been an obsession to play roulette and seeing that 24 on the wheel like it was the only number I could win on. I have managed to put 12times in a row 100 euro on just the 24. I still got problems with gambling and I have played a few hours ago so I feel what you are going thruw, when you think what you had lost you always want to get it back and it never happens. My evil hopes are still up that I could win it all back. This is so silly that gambling has such a huge impact on everything. I keep wondering everyday and night why I couldn't just stop that night and take the 100 eu losses for granted, but no I had to win it back and now im 2800 down and got absolute no money anymore. It is ridiculous and I hope you will get better of this evil game. Goodluck
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
