At the cross roads

Hi all ,

Here's my story-,

From being young I can remember gambling coursing issues in my life , think it was when my grandparents took me blackpool that the flashing lights started to get a old of me.can remember my parents giving me my christmas money and me doin it all in, in the arcades,my mum bless her bought me stuff out her savings to cover me so my dad didn't find out(thinking back now probably worst thing she could of done). Can remember goin the fair and me and my mate putting all our money in slots and having to walk home,laughing and joking with each other on way home saying 1 more pound!.When I got my first job I would do all my wages in on a Friday afternoon this continued when I first started drinking I would spend more time on the fruit machines than socialising .Then for some unknown reason I just stopped gambling saw the fruit machines for what they were ( A WASTE OF MONEy).Life was good I had a nearly new fancy car at 21 nice clothes and loads of freinds ,this continued until I was about 25 by this time my fianc fell pregnant,I worked like a Japanese prisoner of war to save up the money for a deposit for an house and we bought our first house.We went on holiday twice a year never went without and was always out socialising. I had sky tv installed at home and by accident 1 day i found the roulette on there , I made an account and within 2 weeks I had won about 7000 so we went on holiday , got loads of new things for house , it was amazing!!!!!. On holiday I was already planning my next roulette adventure and sure enough day we got bk I was on it!!, only this time no such look, and after 2 weeks ended up giving all the money bk, I was devistasted but kept telling myself at least id had an holiday and new stuff for house etc.Thought I would of learnt my lesson and just moved on but this was just the start , I started playing roulette online and lost lots over the next year or so , because I had a good job I could hide it and life pretty much continued as normal.Then I started to work away and got introduced to the bookies , I started by doin coupons and to start off with I had some lucky wins , think this made it worse , it wasn't long before I started doin lots of money in bookies .I was a secret gambler I never boasted when I won big amounts but I never let people know when I lost either .can remember working away all week and coming home on a Friday and sneeking off to bookies to point where I was running out of ideas or lies should I say to tell my mitsis where I'd been. Sat day I would always take my boy to toys r us to buy him a present then stop off at bookies and do some coupons.a typical satday would be sat in front of tv watching soccer Saturday on sky , it was about this time I started to stop socialising as much , went from being very outgoing and confident to feeling lower than a snakes belly , always made excuses up so I didn't have to go out. Missed loads of stag doos , birthday parties etc all due to gambling , my fianc new about my gambling but never mentioned it as to avoid arguments , she used to tell me I'm so distant , I new myself I was like doctor jeckle and mr hide it was one of them-if I won it was get u coats on kids were goin shopping but more often than not it was as they say in the Eurovision Song Contest ne pois (pardon my french) . When I gambled it felt amazing nothing else could give me the high that gambling did , but as we all know what goes up must come down and when u lose it's the worst feeling in the world !! I know it's changed my personality . I'm now in my thirties and this way of life has been going on for over 10 years now I have 2 lovely children and a beautiful wife and I think they deserve better .i sometimes go weeks without goin bookies or online , I have banned myself from nearly every 1 but I still manage to do it . My wife and kids have never gone without and I'd say have a good life but it could be so much better .i am now practical a hermit I never go out with my mates , I do a lot with my kids though and I work a lot , nought worse than working all week for nought and this happens every so often still I go on a mad 1 thinking il just have a quick bet and go crazy.I could tell u a million and 1 stories about what I've lost but the bottom line is I just wanna stop gambling for me and my family touch wood I haven't reached rock bottom yet but I've been close , I'm in a hole but I know if I stop gambling I can get out of it ?. Tried other things feel better already for writing this like the title says I'm at the cross roads can go left and carry on as I am or go right and make a new path? Hopefully I can turn right, not looking for sympathy , or excuses just as most other gamblers will know no one else to talk to about it none of my freinds know my wife thinks I've got it under control as do I most of time ,just want my life bk 24 7'and not having these crazy blow outs , i have had friends on hard drugs and wondered why can't they just stop look at what there doin to there family ! Who am I to judge ! Gambling is just a legal high but it's got me hooked !! Hopefully I can beat this disease and move on while I still have time to change the damage that has been done, that's about it from me today , sorry my story is long winded wasn't meant to be a best seller just pretty much rolled off tounge hopefully it will help me stop gambling !!?