Back again....

Well I suppose if you felt neglected as a child and took this into adult hood then the purpose of the gambling is simply as a means to switch off from those negative feelings, for a while, whilst in action... its a coping mechanism, albeit a self-destructive one. Same goes for all addicted people in my opinion. The hard part is not the self-awareness but finding the courage to deal with negative feelings differently. Ive been "at it" on and off for decades.. there has to a different way. All the best

Sorry to hear you've had a c**P childhood. You are definitely not alone in that on here. All addictions have a very strong link to escapism and other mental health difficulties. Perhaps talking therapy with a professional psychotherapist will help - that is the route I'm taking for my similar issues.

With regards to sports betting. The industry is built on people thinking they are able to outsmart the bookies with knowledge of a particular sport. The figures don't lie - about 65% of gamblers think they are overall 'up', whereas the actual figure is closer to 20%. And only about 0.1% are able to win amounts enough to live off of.

What I've found helpful is to look into what those who actually manage to bet for a living do. Essentially, it boils down to years of building complex mathematical computer algorithms and models to feed data into. To them, getting a long term average profit of 5% is considered excellent, although the real figure is even less than that due to the bookmakers cut. With the high variance in sports, particularly in low scoring ones like football, even these professionals frequently get losing streaks that wipe them out. And when the bookmakers realise that they are losing money to these professionals, they simply stop accepting their bets.

Therefore even if you were good enough by yourself to match the professional gamblers with their fancy computer algorithms, the bookies will stop you very quickly. If you aren't, the bookies will happily accept the money you are paying them for the gambling experience, until you eventually lose it all. They are essentially an entertainment company and you have purchased some very expensive entertainment to obtain the emotions and chemicals it gives you.

So ask yourself, is all of it really worth your mental health? You'd never be able to consistently win amounts large enough to make a sustained improvement to your finances. Having more money and buying more stuff doesn't mean more happiness, especially when your mind is constantly occupied by your next bet.

If your problem is with online, I would implore you to look at Gamstop. You just need to break the cycle, to allow yourself time to think clearly again.

Hi the book Allen Carr - stopping gambling explains that gamblers see gambling as a comfort blanket / support mechanism- when it is in fact the complete opposite. This may help you stop using it as you’re support mechanism and may allow you time to work through your other thoughts - i am reading it and it seems to have changed my thoughts about gambling - take care Jappy

My opinion...Don’t waste your money on the above book, make an effort to read In the realm of hungry ghosts by Gabor Mate. It’s not a miracle cure, there’s no such thing, but he does talk about the correlation between childhood & addiction.

Intelligence counts for nothing against addiction...For me, acceptance that I was powerless over gambling (part of Step 1 of a 12 Step program) allowed me to accept I had a problem & the solution wasn’t limiting amounts or only playing in certain places or wearing my lucky pants, it was drawing a line under my losses & gambling past! Addiction does not discriminate & fighting it alone is like trying to win a war with an army of one. Get some barriers in, then sort out getting to GA or @ least arrange some counselling so you can unpick what’s eating you up inside so badly that gambling helps you to forget about.

It’s daunting but it necessary - ODAAT

S.A wrote:

Well I suppose if you felt neglected as a child and took this into adult hood then the purpose of the gambling is simply as a means to switch off from those negative feelings, for a while, whilst in action... its a coping mechanism, albeit a self-destructive one. Same goes for all addicted people in my opinion. The hard part is not the self-awareness but finding the courage to deal with negative feelings differently. Ive been "at it" on and off for decades.. there has to a different way. All the best

Hi S.A, thank you for responding. I think you're right about that, it being a coping mechanism I mean. I always told myself to stay away from drugs, I knew it would be BAD if I ever started with any of that. I guess my awareness of drug addiction was just so much better than that of others. Gambling though, a seemingly harmless thing, oh how wrong I was. How are you getting on with dealing with your negative feelings? Have you tried counselling/therapy? I was always so scared to try it... and in many ways I still am, but I think for me it is the only thing that will help the most. Take care.

Jappy wrote:

Hi the book Allen Carr - stopping gambling explains that gamblers see gambling as a comfort blanket / support mechanism- when it is in fact the complete opposite. This may help you stop using it as you’re support mechanism and may allow you time to work through your other thoughts - i am reading it and it seems to have changed my thoughts about gambling - take care Jappy

Thanks for your reply Jappy. I will have a look at the book you suggested, thank you for your recommendation. I will take all the help I can get. Take care.

ODAAT wrote:

My opinion...Don’t waste your money on the above book, make an effort to read In the realm of hungry ghosts by Gabor Mate. It’s not a miracle cure, there’s no such thing, but he does talk about the correlation between childhood & addiction.

Intelligence counts for nothing against addiction...For me, acceptance that I was powerless over gambling (part of Step 1 of a 12 Step program) allowed me to accept I had a problem & the solution wasn’t limiting amounts or only playing in certain places or wearing my lucky pants, it was drawing a line under my losses & gambling past! Addiction does not discriminate & fighting it alone is like trying to win a war with an army of one. Get some barriers in, then sort out getting to GA or @ least arrange some counselling so you can unpick what’s eating you up inside so badly that gambling helps you to forget about.

It’s daunting but it necessary - ODAAT

Hi ODAAT, it is funny you should mention Gabor Mate, I recently listened to his podcast with Russell Brand and was very interested in what he had to say, I may even listen to it again. I'll definitely look up the book you suggested! Thank you!

I know I'm only a few days into recovery and reading through the forums but I can see there is a lot of focus on the result of the gambling, the financial loss, the loss of relationships, the time spent on gambling etc but there aren't too many people focusing on the root of the addiction itself. At least, I've not found them so far, I guess maybe because it is private and something people are hashing through with their therapists / at GA. Maybe I need to just got to one or the other to see this side, as you suggest!

Thanks for your reply ODAAT, take care.

brucey-b wrote: Sorry to hear you've had a c**P childhood. You are definitely not alone in that on here. All addictions have a very strong link to escapism and other mental health difficulties. Perhaps talking therapy with a professional psychotherapist will help - that is the route I'm taking for my similar issues. With regards to sports betting. The industry is built on people thinking they are able to outsmart the bookies with knowledge of a particular sport. The figures don't lie - about 65% of gamblers think they are overall 'up', whereas the actual figure is closer to 20%. And only about 0.1% are able to win amounts enough to live off of. What I've found helpful is to look into what those who actually manage to bet for a living do. Essentially, it boils down to years of building complex mathematical computer algorithms and models to feed data into. To them, getting a long term average profit of 5% is considered excellent, although the real figure is even less than that due to the bookmakers cut. With the high variance in sports, particularly in low scoring ones like football, even these professionals frequently get losing streaks that wipe them out. And when the bookmakers realise that they are losing money to these professionals, they simply stop accepting their bets. Therefore even if you were good enough by yourself to match the professional gamblers with their fancy computer algorithms, the bookies will stop you very quickly. If you aren't, the bookies will happily accept the money you are paying them for the gambling experience, until you eventually lose it all. They are essentially an entertainment company and you have purchased some very expensive entertainment to obtain the emotions and chemicals it gives you. So ask yourself, is all of it really worth your mental health? You'd never be able to consistently win amounts large enough to make a sustained improvement to your finances. Having more money and buying more stuff doesn't mean more happiness, especially when your mind is constantly occupied by your next bet. If your problem is with online, I would implore you to look at Gamstop. You just need to break the cycle, to allow yourself time to think clearly again.

Hi brucey-b! Yes, escapism, I completely see that in myself and gambling is something I do in isolation, on my own, in private when I guess something in my brain is lacking and needs a fix. That's the best way I can describe it.

Thank you for the stats too, on one hand I know the odds are against me, that I can't beat it. On the other hand I just think I'm going to out-do the bookies every time, "this time will be different", "i won't get sucked in like last time" "i'll take the money when i'm up..." yeh right!

That's a good way to look at it, "paying for them for the gambling experience", "you have purchased some very expensive entertainment to obtain the emotions and chemicals it gives you." That makes me feel a little better about it, I'm basically paying for what my mind is lacking to survive. Now I just need to fix my mind so that I stop paying for it!

Thank you so much for your post, I'm going to be reading lots more you write. Take care, g7

I agree with you SA my gambling addiction was used as a coping mechanism to switch off from all the bad experiences i've had. You have good insight, gambling was then used by me as a way of punishing myself.Which in the end is very destructive and very bad for your well being.

Thanks for your post i found it vey helpful

regard's Johnny57

Johnny57 wrote:

I agree with you SA my gambling addiction was used as a coping mechanism to switch off from all the bad experiences i've had. You have good insight, gambling was then used by me as a way of punishing myself.Which in the end is very destructive and very bad for your well being.

Thanks for your post i found it vey helpful

regard's Johnny57

Hi Johnny57, how did you overcome those things? Counselling? I worry I’m going to swap one addiction for another!

g7

Hey,

Your childhood seems like the trigger for your gambling, when you think about it you feel low so you go and blow your money gambling which creates dopamine in your brain to make you feel better for a while but like with most drugs the come down is even worse the realisation that you have just lost a huge sum of money suddenly dawns on you, before you lose it it's just casino chips (this is why casino's use chips as currency, so you don't feel like your betting money). You regret what you have done, hate yourself for doing it and tell yourself that you won't do it again until the next opportunity arises and you do, this is the cycle of a compulsive gambler.

You mentioned you have a partner, although it might be embarassing and belittling the best thing you can do is to ask your partner to look after your money and tell him not to let you have access to it, this way you can't gamble even if you want too. You will want to self exclude yourself from internet gambling using Gamcare and exclude yourself from any bookies or casinos you visit. It will probably a lot harder for you considering you are travelling but you can beat this horrible addiction, take it one day at a time. Try to find another hobby that fills the void for gambling espicially when your feeling low thinking about your past, it won't be easy but nothing worth doing ever is.

I wish you the best of luck, always remember your not alone and you can beat this.

17 days... going strong. I've listened to the "after gambling" podcast almost every day. I've told my partner. I'm listening to Russell Brand's audio book "recovery from our addictions".. going well so far. I do have thoughts though, flickers of "god i could try and get some of that money back" then it disappears as i smash it with another podcast. 17 days and counting, all we have is today, this moment. Each moment at a time.

20 days. I’ve found myself less committed to my recovery the past few days, I don’t want to slip so I know I need to get back into it properly. Sort the cause of this terrible addiction for good!

Keep going, you're doing great.