Back again

Hi Helen am really sorry to hear this 5 years without a bet is a massive achievement and shows its possible to go this long without a bet, i did something similar i went 3 years without a bet then i relapsed i too turned to gambling when i got tested, i only learned with this addiction has long i live my addiction will always be with me, blocks needs to put back in place as these test will come and go, unfortunately as an addict their simply no cure and their will be times extra support is required, that where gamcare comes into place, the diff for me i made a dedication to use this support on a regular basis so my minds fresh, all it takes is delying the blocks and something goes wrong and the addiction becomes strong its the only way out, i would recomend coming clean to someone close to you, it hard i wish their was simply a cure to this illness but the truth is the addiction will always be their non addiction will look at as why u went back to it after 5 years why would u repeat the same missery its the addiction that got me back as long as u keep getting support its the only way out

Thank you for the reply. 
3 years is an amazing achievement- how long have you been gamble free now? 

It’s a horrible feeling because at the back on my mind it’s always been there wanting to gamble for the last 5 years. 

Tomorrow is going to be day one. 
I do need to tell my partner and I want to but can’t bring myself to it quite yet, I need to put myself mentally in right place first before I open up because I will just shut down otherwise and I’m worried that it will just push him away further than it already feels like at the moment anyway. 

@helen4891 Hi Helen, sorry to hear about this, best to speak to your partner and be honest and hopefully he will support you. Find the motivation to come back strong and rebuild. Don't give up Helen

Hi Helen, 

well done on decided to quit again. You need to wipe the slate clean and forgive yourself. This isn’t time for blame, it’s done now, you can’t change the past but you can change the future. Take a long shower, do your hair, take an afternoon nap and make yourself a healthy dinner. Maybe take a nice walk. Start doing things that make you feeling appreciative and Normal. Give your eyes a rest, if you’re anything like me, the screen time was the worst part, staying up all night and obsessing id miss a win. It’s your choice if you want to tell your partner, I did the first time, but this time I’m going to work it out and fix it myself. Well done for not getting in to debt. Rebuild and exclude . I started playing a little fun alliance building game called Evony, it has a really fun community and it was a great way to Channel my bored times in to something fun to keep me busy. But focus on things that make you happy. Forget the anxiety and the stress. That’s behind you now, now is the time to restart the year. 

Hi helen yeah it's not a nice place to be on here . but the gamcare team.of counsellors and staff are really brill  at offering advice and pointing you in the right direction with mental health and financial worries

Posted by: @f9pnb480cx

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@helen4891 Hi Helen, sorry to hear about this, best to speak to your partner and be honest and hopefully he will support you. Find the motivation to come back strong and rebuild. Don't give up Helen

thank you for the reply.. I don’t want to give up.. x

Posted by: @lx0z7b93qs

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Hi Helen, 

 

well done on decided to quit again. You need to wipe the slate clean and forgive yourself. This isn’t time for blame, it’s done now, you can’t change the past but you can change the future. Take a long shower, do your hair, take an afternoon nap and make yourself a healthy dinner. Maybe take a nice walk. Start doing things that make you feeling appreciative and Normal. Give your eyes a rest, if you’re anything like me, the screen time was the worst part, staying up all night and obsessing id miss a win. It’s your choice if you want to tell your partner, I did the first time, but this time I’m going to work it out and fix it myself. Well done for not getting in to debt. Rebuild and exclude . I started playing a little fun alliance building game called Evony, it has a really fun community and it was a great way to Channel my bored times in to something fun to keep me busy. But focus on things that make you happy. Forget the anxiety and the stress. That’s behind you now, now is the time to restart the year. 

thank you for the reply.. 

hope you don’t mind me asking. 

is there a reason why you haven’t told ur partner this time? 
How long will it take you to clear ur debt as such.. 

I haven’t got into debt but I owe our savings £11,000 and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to pay it back, it will take me about a year and half and that’s if I’m lucky. 

I think I need to download something to occupy my brain, but all I can think about now is going online and playing but I can’t and I know that. I finished work today, home alone and just laid on the sofa and had a nap so I didn’t have to think about anything as such. 

Posted by: @g3y6a5jbds

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Hi helen yeah it's not a nice place to be on here . but the gamcare team.of counsellors and staff are really brill  at offering advice and pointing you in the right direction with mental health and financial worries

thank you, I will explore this site more

Hi Helen sorry for the late reply i am on day 568 so i have managed to claw back some of the time, i still have regrets has i had numerous relapses however i feel in much better position this time around 

@helen4891 he recently found out he has a huge tax bill, he had a good business but that has since folded, and it’s about £50k. I didn’t really want to add to his pressure by saying that I’d been an idiot. We both have our own companies and are both independent with our money. We have a joint account but I haven’t been adding to it recently . It was easier for me to bury my head in to gambling and hope I won big , to help both of us. It’s ridiculous, it is honestly a big waste and I feel so idiotic. I have won a couple of times, so therefore I think it’s ok, but because I’m trying to win to pay back what I’ve lost, it will just end up losing more and more. I figured if I just stopped now, started to rebuild my finances, he might not need to know. When he talked about remortgaging, I froze, as it would mean three months bank statements and all my bank has been is casinos . Please don’t go online, do anything other than that. It takes four days to completely get out of the first cycle. Watch videos of puppies online of fun things! Just not that! What did you used to play? £11,000 is bad, but £15,000 is worse, and that’s what it could be if you carried on. Think about it, £11,000? How can it even be legal?

Posted by: @tazman

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Hi Helen sorry for the late reply i am on day 568 so i have managed to claw back some of the time, i still have regrets has i had numerous relapses however i feel in much better position this time around 

well done for getting to day 568, your doing amazing! 
I know it’s not easy at times but u should be proud of urself. 

Posted by: @lx0z7b93qs

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@helen4891 he recently found out he has a huge tax bill, he had a good business but that has since folded, and it’s about £50k. I didn’t really want to add to his pressure by saying that I’d been an idiot. We both have our own companies and are both independent with our money. We have a joint account but I haven’t been adding to it recently . It was easier for me to bury my head in to gambling and hope I won big , to help both of us. It’s ridiculous, it is honestly a big waste and I feel so idiotic. I have won a couple of times, so therefore I think it’s ok, but because I’m trying to win to pay back what I’ve lost, it will just end up losing more and more. I figured if I just stopped now, started to rebuild my finances, he might not need to know. When he talked about remortgaging, I froze, as it would mean three months bank statements and all my bank has been is casinos . Please don’t go online, do anything other than that. It takes four days to completely get out of the first cycle. Watch videos of puppies online of fun things! Just not that! What did you used to play? £11,000 is bad, but £15,000 is worse, and that’s what it could be if you carried on. Think about it, £11,000? How can it even be legal?

I also chase my losses as such, anything I win goes back in, it a vicious circle. 

you are so right 15,000 is worse than 11,000 but it really shouldn’t be anything.. I was doing so well, it make me feel so angry at myself. 

we are suppose to be buying a house together but also like you- right now I can’t because my bank statements are a mess, his going away in may so I’ve said I want to wait till after then, hopefully the last 3 months will be free from gambling transactions. 
I have no idea how it can be legal, I think I’ve got one email from the company saying about my spending but that was at the start, no checks no phone calls - nothing. 
 it’s all blocked now and I’ve completed my first day- hopefully day 4 will come quick. 

Good for you, I’m so proud 😊 imagine how much you’d lose each day, and each day you don’t, celebrate that as a win. Let that be your dopamine hit. You deserve to start living without fear again, I’m so pleased you did day one. It takes strength sand you should be so pleased 

Posted by: @lx0z7b93qs

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Good for you, I’m so proud 😊 imagine how much you’d lose each day, and each day you don’t, celebrate that as a win. Let that be your dopamine hit. You deserve to start living without fear again, I’m so pleased you did day one. It takes strength sand you should be so pleased 

thank you. 
last night was hard, laying in bed thinking about gambling and telling my partner.