Back again. New account. Same old horror.

Hello MD1982

Welcome again to the Forum,

Well done for trying to address your gambling impacts. It sounds like the gambling is getting in the way of your financial and life goals. You seem to describe having the insight to see a pattern with this. Well done for putting GamStop in place already to block your identity from UK online gambling operator websites. We do recommend this but also consider some other strategies alongside this to support your recovery journey. You may wish to consider a software blocker such as GamBan to block online gambling operators from outside of the UK.

You may find it helpful to ask someone you trust (such as your mother) to restrict your access to your wages on payday and access it a little bit at a time. You are not alone if you do not feel ready to talk to a loved one in detail about your recent set-backs with gambling yet however even by saying you need help to save for your deposit by having a separate bank account with which you could automate a payment into each month (that they have control over) may be a beneficial start.

It’s never too late to make changes,

Louise,

Forum Admin

@forum-admin thank you for your message. Telling my mum is out of the question. She would literally disown me. I've been making excuses for months why I haven't bought a house yet. I will install gamban now.

@v78on051pl can you be absolutely certain she’ll disown you? It took me so long to tell my husband (I took out a huge amount of debt in his name, so had 2 bombshells for him!!) but I can honestly say I wished i had done it sooner. It’s so easy to catastrophise and mind read to justify our reasons and to talk ourselves out of things. Being completely honest with someone will just take a massive weight of your shoulders. 
As for it being too late, it’s never too late. If you live until you’re 85, that’s over 40 years time. 
The main things which will help is, talking to someone, handing over financial control and putting every block in place possible. It will feel like these options are impossible, but if you want to beat the evil demons, you need to throw everything possible at it and protect yourself.

Good luck x

@cpparch Thank you for the message. Well I speak to my cousin about it. I have talked to people in the past. And ten years ago I didn't speak to my mum for six years. We fell out. So I don't want to risk anything again. 

I also had a horrible toxic girlfriend for a year. She was a demon. Just like gambling. And when things were good, I actually stopped for ages. After she was horrible to me constantly, I started again. I guess it takes my mind off it all for a bit however it's killing me. 

@v78on051pl don’t underestimate what you’ve been through and why you gamble. It’s about recognising the triggers. You cannot control what your Mum may or may not say, but not talking to her again is possibly holding you back from starting your recovery? 

Gambling is used as an escape to get us away from unkind thoughts and feelings. 
Do you gamble online?? 

@cpparch Hi. Yes it's all online..always. I've put blocks in place now. 

I know I've let myself down and I guess everyone lets themselves down when going through this. However I don't think I could stand or deal with telling my mum. I speak to a few friends about it. They are supportive. 

@cpparch Hi. Yes it's all online..always. I've put blocks in place now. 

I know I've let myself down and I guess everyone lets themselves down when going through this. However I don't think I could stand or deal with telling my mum. I speak to a few friends about it. They are supportive. 

Hi

It took me over twenty years to understand what each of my emotional triggers were.

Going back to meetings was me facing my fears and learning what my last emotional trigger was.

I had a healthy conscience yet I willl still go against my own conscience.

Now  I understand that my adddictions and obsessions were of form of self abuse and self neglect.

Each time I went back to my addictions and obsessions was a lesson for me to learn from.

Did I enjoy being a liar and a cheat.

Did I enjoy betraying peoples trust in me.

Sadly in time I got to understand tehre is no where I can hide from my self.

I eventually went to more and more meetings and in time I was clean for weeks months and years.

The more time and effort I put in to the recovery was an investment in to my self.

I have now been clean 31 years and I no longer want to live in fear.

Just for today I no longer want to live in unhealed pains.

Just for today I want to exchange every unhealthy habit in to healthy habits.

Just for today I no longer want to live a life as aloner.

With out fears in my life the thruth grew in me.

With out fears in my life the healthy intimacy grew in me.

Healing love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

My friend, I was going to get u to install gamban but it seems admin have already suggested it. I had Gamstop installed & went on a European site when I last gambled. 

This isn't my first time on here as well.

At the time I was also having some personal problems & I agree they can tip u over the edge as well.

I have had plenty of moments where I could have slipped back to it but I haven't fortunately. 

Have u been to a GA meeting before? If not I suggest going to 1, I went back to GA for the 2nd time last year & it's been really helpful. 

As hard as it is, uv got to want this for yourself.

A life in recovery is 1 u can reach new highs etc.

I'm always here night & day should u need anything.

My names Rob & i'm a compulsive gambler

My last bet was on 5/8/23