Back to the start (again)

Hi  timeforchange83,

Thanks for your post and for sharing .It sounds like you are going through a difficult time at the moment and it couldn't have been easy to share all of this , so well done . 

This is a tricky time for all at the moment and this sounds like it may have been one of the triggers for the relapse. 

As you say in your post you have been able to stop gambling for long periods before so you have the inner strength to be able to do this again .

It is good to look at the positive aspects of your life and that you are looking to build trust again with your wife. 

Things will be very raw at the moment and you will be feeling a whole range of emotions but things will start to get better each day gamble free. 

We are here 24 hours a day - so please contact us on the Netline or call 0808 8020 133 should you need any support. We also have daily chat rooms that can be accessed through the website at 1pm and 8pm . 

All the best .

Kirk 

Forum Admin 

Hi Timeforchange83

Sorry to hear you are back in this position.

I read through your post and cannot disagree with anything you say. The feelings and behaviours you describe while gambling sound all too familiar to me. That desperate attempt to find help or forgiveness when all the money is gone - for me it was a ringing silence, often in the early hours of the morning after I had spent hours gambling,when I would start praying to a god I do not even believe in.

The one thing that did struck me however was the lack of a plan or next steps - is this because this is too early after this recent relapse or are you still contemplating what you are going to do next? To state the obvious, nothing is going to change unless you do something different.

Best wishes and keep posting.  

Yes I can certainly agree with all the feelings that your experiencing... You say you can do it for a number of months... Work on the positives... And recognise where these urges come into play again... Self protect yourself... I've found that I have moved away from constant gambling to binge gambling... When you go through those months of non gambling you must be doing something right ... Or beating the boredom... I think something I need to work on is not giving in when that urge comes, respect it abit more and work to beat it

So you tripped. Stand up brush yourself of and move on. I talk a lot about a holistic approach to looking at the problem. Imagining yourself as a third person. You can get a lot out of that perspective. We drift in and out of conscious thought and the rest of it is on subconsious and autopilot. We have higher dopamine release than most people and that takes the focus out of your surroundings. You instead focus on the task at hand and the more dopamine you have going on the more intense focus you give on what you do. You could use a time tactic to deal with your urges. Ie if you need to place a bet make a deal with yourself that you place one tomorrow instead if the urge is the same ( It is a bit of a trigger trick to make you calm down) Of course you can choose if you should do that bet or not but at least you did not act on the current trigger. Self-confidence is not easy to build when you think that you are full of sh.t. You need to find a way of building that confidence because getting ahead of the addiction is also about attitude and belief in yourself. Be kind when you slip never stop moving forward and be as transparent to your partner as you can. That helps. The more we keep to ourselves the more we can afford to lie and last but not least denial is not the river in Africa it is the enemy that you need to keep in check constantly and for that, you need to use mindfulness. 

All the best

C

Oh dear dude

well I’m in a similar situation to you, almost identical, I’m starting therapy this coming Monday via phone call, the only thing I can say to you is get help, I know the devastating feeling of being 6 months clean or longer then somehow you find yourself gambling again, each and every time that happens it feels like another nail in the coffin for me, however we need to find the strength to put that behind us and move forward, the most success I have found in stopping is always linked to finding help, and when you don’t it’s simply because you’re in denial! By that statement I’ve lived much of my adult life in denial and admitting it will be the first step on the road to recovery.

Today is also day one for me, although not gambling per se, but leverage trading, which is worse in my mind, constantly being nervous in a trade and always off with my partner constantly checking charts! It’s the pits, never happy when I’m trading.

Well I wish you the best, try to help yourself by finding the help and most importantly keep it going, even if you get 6 months clean come on here and read people’s issues and offer advice.

Don’t stop, you’ve got this my man.

Chin up.

D

Hi, a few things. One is I noticed how articulate you are. I hope you recognise what your strengths are in life in general as this can make a small percentage of difference when fighting urges. Also I noticed you said when you thought you had conquered this that you had gambled £100, manageable, and then over the weekend refrained from gambling. It sounds like you still have a lingering thought that gambling a small amount is ok, or can be justified or you are willing to test yourself to see if you can cope and be normal and everything will be ok, it's clear this can never be you, you must always think that way. That said, if I read you right, you get the fact that gambling and you will never be OK, please pursue this fact. Lastly I want to say you are stronger than you can ever imagine. Think of the differences in your abilities as you go through life, think of your perception of your abilities as you go through life, what you think is far away from who you are and then you get used to being or doing a certain thing. I only came on tonight as I begun thinking of gambling, I even considered opening an account tonight, your story has reminded me of the pitfalls, ps it could have been a role reversal. The last thing I wanted to mention is that although I'm doing well and have will power I must admit I'm not on here often enough, I'd say you could be on here too much but please don't forget to check in from time to time, something I must learn to do. Be sensible, believe in yourself!

Thank you for this - I read through your post before registering as a user on here, and quite frankly I'm so glad you posted this.  You could have been telling my story!  It's sometimes useful to know that you're not alone in this and that the way you feel is similar to the way all of us are feeling when we slip.

Stay strong, you've done it before and certainly will do so again!!