Blown my wage again!

Well done Jacky, you are braver than I, and you're one step closer now. Hopefully, you'll be able to sleep a little easier now! Keep it up x

Well done on being honest. So many can't even bring themselves to take that step.

My advice now would be to take any angry outbursts on the chin and to answer his questions with honesty and patience even though you may think you've already covered the ground. He has a lot to process and it will take time. Giving him control of the finances will go some way towards providing some reassurance for him.

Hi Lethe and lil30, nice to hear from you both, we have a plan to save money. It will take time to get back where we were, initially he told me to leave, but then said he wanted to try make things better, think this is probably my last chance, so determined not to blow it, been a real roller Costa of a day and probably will be for awhile, just need to beat this once for all and move on to a normal life.

I am proud of myself for being honest though and anyone else out there who is undecided about telling their partners the truth, I would just say please go for it, the relief of not hiding a secret is worth it, whatever the outcome.

Well done jacky I am on day 6 and feeling really positive I can’t gamble after registering with GAMeSTOP and it’s such a weight off my shoulders. My partner is still very angry and does not trust me but over time I hope I can start my life again and hope you will too. Good luck x

Good luck to you aimee08, my next step is to try get some counselling, I think my problems with gambling are a result of my past (not trying to make excuses, just need to address the root cause) I know we can all beat this if we really want to, and believe me I never want to be this miserable again, I can't do it.

New day, new mind set, still feel sick with guilt but relief at telling my partner, hopefully things can only get better ( as long as I don't gamble). Good luck everyone, will continue to come on here daily and speak to you all, this site is my crutch at the moment and has quite literally been a life saver.

Jacky love....I'm thrilled to read you're posts over last couple days...I know you're going to feel a roller coaster of emotions due to partner now knowing....but trust me....it's all for the best. ...yes you'll be emotional....you'll feel like you've got the lurgy from he'll....it's all normal....but now you can really start to fight you're addiction. ...get the free counselling from here.....make plans together to sort the debts...he honest with creditors...tell them you're an addict. ...that it's a mental health problem.....they have to recognise that knowadays....you may have to negotiate with them....but stick to you're guns with amounts you can sensibly afford.....don't leave yourself unreasonably short....that's not good for you long term.....you have to have a decent standard of living. ....
Be prepared to answer questions from partner....and possibly some 'offish" moments.....he has to digest it all as well....show him...daily if needed the steps you're taking to fight.....very slowly the fog will lift. ...just take one step at a time....
Sending you some strength ....and a big well done xx

Well done jacky - I never had the balls to confess and this led to many more £’s wasted and more time, you can beat the addiction and with that hopefully along with you’re partner keep posting x

Well done jacky! That’s amazing that you have told your family. Very brave, I’m not there yet I bottle it every time.

Keep going stay strong,

Cj

Xx

Hi everyone, I'm gamble free for eight days, thank you all for messages of support, they are very much appreciated and indeed a lifeline. I have been working my b**t off doing cleaning jobs so at least I have a little money in my purse, no easy feat as I work nights in a care home.. I'm beginning to feel a little more positive and my partner has been great, although he doesn't seem to want to discuss my problem at the moment, but has done little acts of kindness to try cheer me up. I suppose he is still digesting my revelation and the negatives may come out later. I suppose it helps that it's only my own money that I have blown and not his (we keep our finances separate) and I will able to pay general bills and his six hundred pounds back at end of month. I'm not able yet to face my iva. I took this out two years ago and only pay £160 month, which would be great, but my wage has doubled since I took it out and they have not reassessed yearly as they are meant to do so I will probably owe a lot more money then I have paid. The sad thing is I have been working myself to death to pay for the gambling. It's a cruel circle, I lose my wage, then work extra harder to pay for it the next month, lose it again and so on. I have considered letting the iva fail, then take. A debt management plan or go bankrupt, but however which way I do it they will look at the money I have been earning and go on those figures, when realistically I'm a fifty year old woman who can not keep up these working hours forever. I have lost over two stones in last six months and now am underweight. I do want to pay back my debts, but say work no more the fifty hours a week and have a little free time for myself. Has anyone been in a similar situation and have any advice?

On a plus point, just tried to log in to the gambling sites just to check that GAMSTOP really works, and it does, access denied. It made me smile! And I wasn't in the least disappointed.

Hi jacky I managed to get 27k in debt with online slots, I worked 75 hours per week to pay this off but after 5 years of doing this my 50 year old body is totally knackered. I looked at Iva etc but then went for bankruptcy, I was ashamed disgusted embarrassed and thought of myself as a total failure but I have to look at it that I tried my hardest to pay it off and it’s not a fail to go bankrupt as long as I learn the lesson. The procedure is remarkably easy to do and the six months I spent prior to it getting myself in a such a total tizz was needless as it really is a simple procedure to do. Deep down I don’t think it’s the right thing to do morally but when you’re constantly exhausted it’s the less of two evils. My target this month is to look at my bank statement, I usually shred it unopened as I can’t stand to see pages and pages of idiot.com transactions, this month I WILL read it and it will have a whole month of just normal transactions. I will sleep. I will laugh again. I will not feel sick anymore. Wishing you all the luck in the world.

Thanks sosad, your story is truly an inspiration, well done you, I wish you lots of luck. It must be great to be able to sleep at night again and feel normal. I hope I will feel like that one day too, but know it's only early days, but I'm determined to do it and feel more positive, although I still keep having those moments where I feel sick and totally anxious. My worry with bankrupsy is that I won't be able to get a bank account for wages bills etc and how many people would find out, really I just need to pluck the courage up and speak to step change see what my options if any are. Like you I am physically and mentally knackered from working such long hours which in turn puts strain on my relationships with my partner and family, I miss out on so much and constantly feel guilty about that.

Hi jacky I’m nowhere near where I want to be but I’m determined to get there this time. It’s no way to live feeling so sick all the time and wishing I was dead just because of gambling. The dread of facing another day with all the guilt and self disgust is just unbearable. I will NOT do it anymore. I don’t know if bankruptcy is right for you but it was for me tho it took me 6 months to do it, dealing with the shame of it and the stress of not knowing how it works really was stressful but the people were amazingly supportive and didn’t judge me at all, in fact she congratulated me for accepting I had a big problem and dealing with it. I would think they here our story a lot. Nationwide gave me a bank account and the only people that know are those I chose to tell but I am on the financial register for a year and anyone can look that up. Obviously no more credit for a few years but that can only be a good thing for me. Get plenty of advice and see what’s best for you but take out the shame and guilt and decide then. We made big mistakes but that’s done now and we can’t change it but we can change the future and we will. Imagine the fat cats that own the websites, we pay for their luxury lifestyle continually whilst we can’t pay our gas bill cos we’ve given them our hard earned wages. We live with constant stress yet there biggest stress is deciding how many holidays they can have this year. They’re leeches preying on the likes of you and me and we let them. Keep strong jacky and look forward to seeing a clear bank statement for once. You can do it!