i need someone to talk to, it's too much for me! My boyfriend hasn't been working and everything that's needed paying has been down to me, recently he's been taking what's left of my wage, and gambling it but getting greedy and leaving me with nothing to live off, his mum and sister are the same, which is why we moved away and just recently he's become really bad, I need someone's help and advice as its getting too much for me to deal with
Gambling is a nasty little beast that that will take and take and slowly destroy you.
Your boyfriend needs to accept that this is out of control and seek help. You need to be strong and tell him that if he wants to remain a part of your life, he has to stop.
Hopefully this will be the kick up the backside he needs
Hi Notagambler.
Im very glad you are not a gambler.
I met a gambler at a training centre and he was the stereotypical gambler with his mother and family texting him with horse tips. I mentioned that I had a gambling problem and he just looked at me like I was a nerd trying to spoil his vibe. All the nonsense talk from him about how his football accumulators nearly came in and to see him about a tip on a horse. It made me realise again that gamblers feel the need to promote gambling as a form of justifying themselves
Anyway thats just one small highlight of how deep some people are enveloped in the whole gambling thing
The first thing is you need to gain strength because you are not wrong that gambling destroys finances and is a complete waste of money. You are right and he is doing wrong. There are no excuses and he will lose you before he realises what was actually good in his life
We will all advise you that the number one rule is you must protect your money and family finances. You must protect yourself and he must not be allowed to get money from you to gamble with. This involves sitting down with him and seeing if he is receptive to getting help. If he is not ready for help and living on an allowance you have a real issue to deal with. Gambling is so strong an addiction that you may face anger so best to know this and maybe have some family support. You cant be weak though as your money will just go out of the door
You will need help advice and even counselling.
Its the biggest test of relationships and I tell you now that I couldnt live with a gambler because I know the power of a gambling addiction untill they seek help
Please ring gamcare as many times as you like.
Keep using the forum and you will see all the help and advice to deal with this
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Morning,
My husband is a compulsive gambler, however he does work in a responsible job and is making a serious and continued effort to stay in recovery. He hasn't placed a bet for some sixteen months but he is still and always will be be a CG and he is and always will be one bet away from disaster. As long as he doesn't place the first bet, it's manageable. Not utopia, not happy ever after but manageable as opposed to not manageable. CGs can't win because they can't stop and you know this because your OH is taking your money and gambling with it against your wishes, and totally refusing to see the financial and emotional costs.
You have no control over his decision to place a bet or not to. There's no magic formula to make him stop. However, you do have control over your own life and choices. You're in a relationship with someone who is addicted to gambling and is taking your money against your wishes. The question for you to think about is what you are going to do to change your situation? Doing nothing is a choice in itself. However, making changes is daunting, so start by getting help and support for you. Call the helpline, read the forum, educate yourself about addiction, make the effort to go to GamAnon meetings.
re practicalities, he doesn't have to gamble with your money. Get rid of joint accounts, put whatever you can into your sole name and rethink your contributions to the household finances. If you pay for everything, you free up his income for gambling. He's an adult, adults pay their way. Did he lose his job through gambling?
Keep the focus on you, on what you need and expect from an adult lifetime partnership, whether you can get it from a CG and what you're going to do if you're not getting it from him.
Take care of you,
CW
Hello NotAGambler and welcome to the forum.
There are some great suggestions here from other forum members. Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time and if you would like to talk to someone gamcare advisors are here to listen to your concerns and will be able to give you further information and advice.
You can call and speak with one of the gamcare advisors on the freephone helpline 0808 8020 133 and we are open 8am –midnight every day. You can also reach us thorough our net line http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline
Please also find a link here to a page with guidelines and information for partners, friends and family of people who have a gambling problem. http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/partners-friends-and-family
Keep posting we are here to support you.
Take Care
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