Tonight I’m having a really bad night, have so many thoughts and my body is tense another lose too add too the list, I’m fed up and feel empty. Why do I do this? Why am I scared too stop? Why do I keep doing this when I don’t want too.? The guilt the anxiety eats me, but I can’t stop without intervention, but that also feels overwhelming, I just don’t know which way too turn. This is another battle too add too my list of s**t that I’m fighting. It all feels too much.
Hi walks15,
Hang in there. Please remember that you are not alone in this.
The majority of us on here are also filled with self hatred and loss.
The first step is to self exclude yourself, I know how hard this is but we have to take the small steps first.
Life may seem dark at the moment, but it can get better, but first we need to take that step. Myself included.
Like I said, you are not alone in this. It's hard, it's gut renching but we need to get off this roller-coaster.
I'm not good at motivational speeches, that would make me a hypocrite as I too have still gambled tonight, even though I hate it and have bills to pay.
This post probly hasn't helped at all, I just wanted you to know that your not alone and there are people listening.
You are not a loser coming here. You are far from it. Coming here is your first step towards recovery and you should be patting yourself on the shoulder for it.
Why do we get ourselves into it? It is learnt. We have dug that hole. We have trained to get into that hole. And finally, we jump into that hole every time we gamble. It is repeat behaviour. It is also the conscious and subconscious mind that is out of sync on this issue.
Dr Skinner once created the term operant conditioning. He had a pigeon in a cage that he some times gave rewards to and sometimes " nothing" when it pecked at a red target that would produce food. This carrot and stick scenario made the pigeon keep on pecking for food even though no food came and that was the birth of operant conditioning which is used in things like slots but also other games and mobiles.
It is calculated to keep you playing for longer than you want to. It brings out dopamine so you stay longer and focus on only one thing. Finishing the game. It does not make you dumber than a pigeon. It just makes us all behave mechanically. We look for that reward.
Now if you ad the fact that we need more of the same to get on with the high it becomes a problem. It means you need to be there longer and longer to get the same high and that means more money to them.
To stop this you need to kick it before you start. You can do that through abstaining. Behavioural therapy, rehab, hypnosis. The list is long. A lot of addictions are dealt with through pure will power and grit to quit.
Most importantly is this. YOU can quit altogether. You can get well and you can go on from this and do other things. A lot of us have been in this state for half a lifetime and that means we feel we want to pay it forwards so others can benefit. But this situation (addiction) is NOT permanent. You can move on and have a perfectly normal life. Anyone saying anything different to you is wrong or misinformed because both sides of this industry make money out of your missery. So the way forward is to stop giving them money and move on with life.
I wish you well.
Best
C
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