Can’t find a way out of the downward spiral

I feel exactly the same, I've been gambling for as long as I can remember every time I think I'm doing OK, I'll go and lose everything again and again, I feel as though I can't go on, I can't live in this permanent hell. I'm just ruining my life and my families lives, I can't live like this anymore 

Here is a copy of a letter I wrote to myself when I felt depressed about gambling. Maybe it will help you?

Dear Gerard,

So, you had a relapse. Well, OK, what's done is done. But why do you keep saying to yourself, "Why am I so stupid?". Negative self-talk is not productive. 

Remember when your son was little and got a bad infection and you took him to hospital? Did the doctor say to him, "Why are you so stupid?" No, of course not. He said, "you're sick and we are going to get you the treatment you need to make you better."

So instead of asking yourself, "why am I so stupid?" tell yourself instead, "I'm sick and I need to seek the treatment I need to get better."

Your mind does what you tell it. There are many recovery options available and you only have to make the decision to use them.

Sincerely,

your conscience

When you try and say stop but just keep on adding wood to the fire till you run out of wood.Your brain is hijacked to repeat a behaviour till you can not do it anymore. You got to rewire yourself to do other things. You need (and this is fact) 1 month to get your brain into some chemical balance. 1 month. Can you abstain for a month? The results will be less depression and less angst. There are things like Gamstop and other online blockers if thats your thing. Use them. Allow yourself one month because you deserve it. Just saying you can't do it just enforces that belief.  Ask yourself how you can do it starts your computing into solutions.

Put a sticker on your bathroom mirror and write. I am going to be gamble free just today because good things are coming my way.and the repeat Good things are coming my way.

Read it out loud to yourself and stare back at that person in the mirror. And start feeling how good that feels.

You are going to be alright. You are just starting to get better. You know why? Because you posted on the forum and that is how I know.

Best

C

@gerard-g I can totally relate to this and can only empathise with you! Gambling is so unacknowledged and doesn’t get the recognition it deserves! It’s a killer, a silent killer! People like us suffer in silence until it becomes too much! I hope you’re getting the help you deserve and change your life for the better because there is a way out of this .. apparently .. I’m yet to find it but still on the hunt! 
STAY STRONG ?? 

Dear EJ680

We're sorry that gambling is causing you so much pain that you feel there is only 'one way out'. To you and anyone else who is struggling, we'd like to say don't wait till you feel like life isn't worth living. There is help available and you are not on your own. Here are some organisations who can help:

Samaritans: 116 123 (24-hours) or www.samaritans.org

Maytree: a charity supporting people in suicidal crisis in a non-medical setting in London. If you, or someone you know, could benefit from a one-off stay in a safe and confidential space, call 020 7263 7070 or email [email protected]. Visit www.maytree.org.uk for more information.

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – For men aged 15-35: www.thecalmzone.net

Mind: 0300 123 3393 (Mon-Fri, 9am-6pm) or www.mind.org.uk

The Mental Health Foundation: www.mentalhealth.org.uk

And of course there are several options for support with problem gambling. If you haven't already, why not give us a call on 0808 8020 133 or by Livechat. We're here 24/7. 

And do keep posting, keep interacting with other forum users. 

Best wishes,

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Right I have done the Gamstop so hopefully even if I want to I will no longer be able to gamble on my phone or iPad … I don’t use bookies or casinos as I’m a secret gambler and my family don’t know …. I am feeling a little better from when I wrote this post but I have good days and bad day … I blocked my bank cards from gambling websites and I’m pretty much excluded off most sites but I usually sit for hours trying to find a website that doesn’t tell me I’m excluded from the sites and I can usually find one … and I have sadly started to use my business account as I can’t block my bank card as it’s a business one … I started by looking to see if PayPal did any blockings for gambling which it does say they do but I couldn’t find it … so I did the gamStop instead… I have tonight gambled for the last time (well for 5 years at least) I feel like if I did go to a casino I wouldn’t spend half as much as I do online as it would be cash as I’m a slot gambler and I don’t like spending cash lol … although I do think it’s not just gambling that is my problem I feel like it’s just spending money, when I have any money in my bank I feel like I need to spend it .. I’m not in too much debt as I do have a husband with a very good job and own a business myself but I just spend every penny plus usually go into my overdraft till it’s almost totally gone. I feel like because I have money I haven’t really thought I had much of a problem as I could fund  my gambling habits but it is totally out of control, I lay awake at night stressing that my husband is going to find out Iv spent all the money in our premium bonds and all the money in the bank, I wake up wishing I hadn’t. I actually take painkillers for a back problem I have and I have started taking more to block out the pain and depression… I take about 12 tramadol a day and it does help to stop my depression. I know I’m just swopping one addiction with another but I just don’t know what else to do .. it’s keeping me alive! I just feel like I need a stent in the priory but I have children so I don’t want to leave for months but maybe it will be for the best! 

Hello @EJ680,

Well done on signing up for Gamstop. That's an important step to help you break this cycle. For an even stronger block we also recommend installing blocking software. Find out more at our website.
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/blocking-software/

If you would like to access a blocking software app called Gamban for free, contact us on 0808 8020 133 or by livechat, and we'll give you a link.

It's worrying to hear about your self-medication with Tramadol. Taking medication not as prescribed could be dangerous. Have you spoken to your GP about the depression? They may be able to provide a safer more effective treatment.

You were saying you feel the need to get away somewhere residential but you can't go away for a long time because of childcare. Did you know that Gordon Moody offer shorter retreats for gambling problems, alongside weekly follow up support? You might find that easier to fit in with your life. Find out more at Gordon Moody's website: https://gordonmoody.org.uk/retreat-counselling-programme/

Finally, if you haven't already, please do give us a call on the National Gambling Helpline. We offer free ongoing support 1:1 and in groups. Contact us to discuss what kind of support might be right for you. We're available 24/7 every day on 0808 8020 133 and by livechat.

Keep posting,

Deirdre
Forum Admin