Hi, this is only my second post. After not gambling for 2 years I have relapsed about a year ago. I am in mountains of debt and in the middle of child custody battle. I would really appreciate some advice as I can't find much information out there about how the story goes for single mothers addicted to gambling.Long story short: I am a key worker during a pandemic, my ex has refused to share children because of it this time but said his mum was happy to have them and they would self isolate together (by the was he moved in with her in January). Like an naive idiot I am I agreed for them to go initially for period of Easter holiday and after that I wanted them back here using key workers school. Because kids seemed happy there I carried on bit longer and when they said they were ready to come home I started making arrangements like changing hours. As soon as I told my ex I wanted them back he refused, he said he wasn't going to do it until government said it was safe to go back to school(then he changed that saying that government doesn't know what they talking about and no way they are going to school 1st of June) . His mother completely retracted what she said before I let them go and said it was his decision she's just a nanny. Anyway I tried to take them home myself, they called cops on me threatened to do me for trespassing. So my last result was court. I applied for urgent child arrangement order on the basis of emotional abuse to kids and me. And because I'm stupi I told my ex in advance what I was going to do if he didn't give them back. So he paid for a solicitor and applied for one too saying I've been threatening to take the kids of his mum and he doesn't feel it's safe due to my work and pandemic, his case is based around pandemic but the last paragraph says that I only wanted them back because he stopped paying maintenance and the only reason is need it is because of gambling debts.i don't have money for solicitor and I will have to represent myself, that's why his application was done before mine, also because I was hoping he would see sense. Believe me this is short version. Obviously he is going to try and prove I'm unfit because of my addiction and I am scared like I've never been in my life that he may actually be able to do it. The worse thing is he is not actually interested in being a farther never has been it's his mother whos driving this as she wants my kids to herself, he only spends 3 nights a week at that house and sees my children at the weekend still. I have my demons and lots of financial problems obviously but I've never harmed or neglected my children they are the most important to me and Id anything to get them back. Are there any mother's out there who were in similar situation? Or anyone with any experience? I'd really appreciate any advice or reassurance if possible.
Sorry to hear about your situation.
The only advice I can give through experience for court is to have a solicitor, even one on legal aid. In situations where one side has a solicitor or barrister and the other doesn't, the courts tend to look less favourably on the one who doesn't.
I do know that unless the children have been taken off you then legally as a mother you have automatic parental rights and they can't just keep them because they decided they would.
Finally, if it's possible, have a think to see if you are currently in a position to look after them because of financial restraints through gambling and work? Are they currently better off elsewhere for now? Just a thought.
Start getting help now, it will serve you well in court. How old are the children? In family court the judge is effectively representing them, you should seek legal advice, if you earn under a certain threshold you may be entitled to legal aid. Be honest from now on as it will all come out eventually.
Good evening Anialee,
Thank you for your post seeking some advice.
Firstly, thank you, as a keyworker during this pandemic you are doing an amazing job during a really difficult time and that is really appreciated.
In regards to your situation with the children, you were faced with a really difficult decision in unprecedented times and I don’t feel you were a ‘naïve idiot’ for making a decision that at the time you felt was best for the children. Had you been aware of this outcome then the decision you would have made would have likely been different.
Although I cannot advice on the best course of action in regards to the situation with you children, I do feel you'd benefit from some free legal advice. We would recommend that you seek some legal advice from Citizen’s Advice as they will be to go through the options available to you www.citizensadvice.org.uk
You can also contact one of their adviser through their national phone service, Adviceline: 03444 111 444
If there is any further support we can provide in regards to gambling or signposting for some debt advice then please do get in touch with one of our Advisers on either our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or via our NetLine
Kind regards
ChrisK
Forum Admin
Thank you for your posts. Children are 8 and 5 and I do want them back and I can look after them well, I have looked after them through my darkest moments of gambling and I have always kept them well and happy. Dad who can't be bothered to spend anytime with them and 74 yr old gran who can't bend down or see properly anymore are definitely not better choices.
They have never been away from me like this before, its been bringing me down more and more each way. After 8 years all of the sudden to go from few weeks during Easter break to not seeing your children for 2 months.
I am getting help,.will be assessed for counseling tomorrow. There is no legal aid for these situations anymore, or so I'm told. Citizens advice bureau was a waste of time, they told me I have to go to court and suggested free 30 consulting with solicitors who offer it. I am being supported by a charity and person who is able to assist me and help me through will be there with me but they can't represent me. I don't understand why I would be discriminated against because I can't afford a solicitor? How is it my fault I can't afford one?
It's a misconception that legal aid isn't available for family courts.
It is still available for certain things including social services involvement, family interventions and custody involving domestic or child abuse.
Try a solicitors again giving them the details and just confirm if you can get some aid.
Even 30 minutes free might be a start to know where you stand.
Good luck.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.
I feel broken, he has finally managed to break me.
Yes it's all online, slots mainly, I will look into these tools tomorrow. Haven't heard of these apps before.
I know Women's Aid can also offer good advice, I would see this as a form of abusive behaviour. Speak to them as soon as you can, they can inform you if you can get legal aid, I would be shocked if you are not entitled to some help.
In terms of your gambling, register with GamStop today and self exclude for the maximum time, that way you are showing that you are taking it seriously. Also you should start attending your nearest GA meeting, you will get support there and you can get this all off your chest. I get that its incredibly stressful without your kids but use the time to focus on your recovery as well as getting them back.
Stay strong, you can do this x
Hi guys,
Thank you very much for all your advice.
I have registered for GameStop today. I'm staring counseling tomorrow, hopefully it' will take some anxiety away before the hearing. My ex is now claiming that my daughter has asthma so I shouldn't be allowed to remove her from his care. My daughter has not got asthma or any other health problems. He took her to gp on Friday, the same day he filled with court to have her diagnosed with asthma. I only found out when I read papers from the court and called surgery to find out what was going on. If this isn't clear abuse I don't know what is. Now he is trying to make me look like a psycho mum who wants to snatched her poorly child during the pandemic ?
Hi guys,
Thank you very much for all your advice.
I have registered for GameStop today. I'm staring counseling tomorrow, hopefully it' will take some anxiety away before the hearing. My ex is now claiming that my daughter has asthma so I shouldn't be allowed to remove her from his care. My daughter has not got asthma or any other health problems. He took her to gp on Friday, the same day he filled with court to have her diagnosed with asthma. I only found out when I read papers from the court and called surgery to find out what was going on. If this isn't clear abuse I don't know what is. Now he is trying to make me look like a psycho mum who wants to snatched her poorly child during the pandemic ?
Like I have said, the courts will take the children's side. I know in Wales there is a Cafcass team that will look into any concerns both parties have if any, they would not just take Dads word for things. If you have issues they get put in the report for the judge. At least with court you will get a decision in a court order, so lets say worst case you cant have custody during lockdown but you agree to video calls twice a week, he has to facilitate this otherwise he would break a court order which is very serious. Have you sought legal advice? contacted womens aid?
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