Day 1 again

Supposed to read stress gambler*

Hi JoanJR

Well done for posting on here, often this is the hardest thing to do sometimes but well worth it ! As you said you have been reading other post and you will now know your not the only one with this horrible addiction/illness and will be able to relate to lots of stuff. You say your job takes you all over the places but there are also GA meetings all over the country and they are definitely worth a try, everyone at these meetings is there for the same reason as yourself to stop gambling ! Hope you get things sorted.

All the Best

Darren

Hi

Firsty there's no such thing as a lucky or unlucky gambler. The outcomes are random. That said the computer programmes these things run are set to give the house the edge long term which is why stick at it for long enough you will always come out the loser.

You're not in too deep at the moment but the addiction is progressive and that will change if you don't address this now. I really would recommend coming clean to your husband and asking for his help.Letting him know will make it much harder for you to gamble unobserved when the urges strike. He can look after the finances, sit with you while you self exclude (make sure you insist on permanent SE. They may not show it as an option but it's there) and set passwords for devices and blockers. I have installed K9 on my PC and laptop and it works fine when the CG in the house doesn't know the password. Failing that a paid for version could be an option. Certainly cheaper than another gambling session.

If you can't commit to every GA meeting it's very well worth attending those you can get to. There will be a wealth of advice and experience to draw on and all from people who have been where you are. Gamcare offer free counselling sessions which are also worth doing. Identifying and addressing what is driving the compulsion is key to recovery.

Heya,

Well done for coming here and recognising the problem! Labels are interesting, I was classed as a binge gambler. Made no difference what the label was, I still gambled for escapist reasons. You stated a rough patch started you up again and that is fair enough. It's really important you find another, non destructive escapist activity. People drink, smoke or so drugs for escapism and we hear about that a lot. Personally I now write, cook and feed the ducks for escapism. We don't often hear about positive escapism.

Secondly K9 is brilliant. But not only do you need to block gambling, I blocked phishing sites, adult content (yes gambling can come under that) and malware, suspicious sites. It did the job! I was on my own when I started recovery so I typed a gibberish password into Word, copy and pasted it, did my blocks, saved it, deleted password and hey presto, cannot gamble if I try! Nearly a year on and it is still on my laptop! When I get a new laptop it will be the same! Never let these blocks down! I think a new mass self exclude is happening soon so will be worth looking at.

Gambling for escapism is an excuse, not a reason. Plenty of alternatives. Yes, I used to do it too, rationalised it but now when frustrated, negative times I do different things! Altering the mind set!

Keep posting, keep those blocks air tight!

Take care, Abet

Hi JoanJR

Yes its firmly linked to stress,anxiety and indeed depression.

I dont like to think of it as day one because I believe there are stages where the blocks simply werent strong enough to begin with. The blocks are useless if you are bypassing them....ie no effective blocks.There is what I call a delusional or misinformed early stage where people think oh thats done and dusted then. Its an addiction that requires the strongest measures and honesty

I would recommend and advise that you do tell someone close and build up a support network of counselling. There is no shame in admitting it got to you and that you cant cope with it. Its a strong addiction which works in complex ways

Im afraid that you will have to make time as its most important and there is no room for half measures. This addiction destroys people..

It thrives on secrecy so with respect its not what you are going to do. its about the STRONG ACTION you have taken. Its not easy but get the words out if you can and back it up with full control of your finances by someone else for a while.

Its not about treating you like a baby. Your mind needs breathing space to heal and while thats happening you need the weight off your shoulders that people can help because they are taking the pressure off.

It does mean full monitoring or the handing over of your gadgets. Its better than relapsing so dont be scared or embarrassed. You need help like we all needed help. Its got nothing to do with being a proud professional or unemployed. it affects people from all walks of life

Please ring gamcare as many times as you like

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi all and thanks for the very useful responses. The reason it is difficult to get to sessions is that my type of work means that I don't know where I am going to be from one day to the next or whether I am going to be working late either. I will certainly have a look online though to see if there are any sessions I could call in last minute. I have confided in my sister who was very supportive so I have someone I can talk to and will definitely ring gamcare if feeling low. At the moment I am feeling very determined one minute and confused and sick to the stomach the next wondering how I got here and wanting my old life back. Funnily enough I don't use the computer in the house as it's really old. I was using my husbands tablet or my phone. I will try to install block on my phone. Does anyone have any suggestions for a block for iPhone 5 please. Thanks once again and take care all x

Hi Again

I know Im coming over as quite harsh but its because I care about you.

Dont focus too much on meetings if you are working at the moment. Yours sister can be an invaluable help and thats a good sign if you can talk to her.

Im a bit worried in that someone else should be setting the blockers for you and setting the password. If you havent told your husband and are using his gadgets can you see how that plays into the secrecy and its liable to go wrong.

The internet blocks will only work if they are cast iron and you dont have the password or bypass techniques. This is why its always best for recovery if someone close knows youve had a problem and ensures you are not gambling on gadgets

I know you feel embarrassed but youve relapsed already and sorting it out yourself is the addiction winning. Its a form of mind control and you are subconsciously leaving a door open by thinking you can handle it alone.

The early stages are filled with confusion as you wont fully understand how you could have done it to yourself. Thats why you need help as soon as possible. saying you will just handle it yourself for a couple of months without your partner knowing is not a good sign and we have all been there believe me

Talk it through and being honest you know that your husband wont be happy. However if you have any sort of a loving relationship he needs to know and he needs to know how powerful a gambling problem is. We find that partners really help after the initial shock and disappointment which is only natural

I will leave that to you though as that is your desicion.

Please ring gamcare whenever you like. You will learn more and become calmer you settle into recovery.

Best wishes

Hi Joan, glad to read your posts and keep coming here as if you're anything like me you will find something useful in eberyone else's posts. I dont use my phone to gamble but I think the k9 app is one that you can use on all "I" devices, but you will need someone else to set the password for you. Maybe thats a way to raise the topic with your husband as then he will see you are still struggling and are doing something about it.

Sorry to hear about your recent issues , self exclusions helps take away the websites you might use when they send you tempting offers of free bets , free money to get you hooked.

I bet on the casino for years , it was easy , in your own home , no need to go out , however it just means you sit there for hours like a zombie and end up losing a fortune.

Have you managed to self exclude ?

Hi all and thanks for the responses. Very useful and I hope things are going well with you all. I have managed to abstain since my first post except buying a scratch card when I was away at weekend - I don't buy them very often so no concern with that. I have destroyed my bank card , so can only deposit and trying to change my mindset and keeping busy. I only had my *blowouts* as I call them when I had a few drinks and feeling stressed. I have not told my husband but am talking to him more about the things that stress me, so am trying to deal with the cause so to speak. I never go on bandits and rarely go into a bookies, it was online gambling which sucked me in. I have self excluded from as many sites as I can think of and am trying to stop the spam mail for betting but not very good with IT. I am now looking forward to my pay- pocket money, which will be in cash so I can keep seeing what real money looks like rather than a number on a screen. I am feeling quite positive but am aware that this is going to be a long process and will seek support if necessary or if I get any urges. Thanks again and I will continue to log on to the forum each day x take care x

How are you doing Joan?