Good morning.
Iv read people create diaries on here to help with their recovery. So here it goes...
Iv gambled for as long as I’ve known,id have been 18 when i started going the casino that had newly opened locally. At this time in my life I was working in a bar, getting myself through uni, cash in hand, bills paid.. fine.
I then moved out with my partner at the time, landed my first professional role since qualifying. Amazed by big pay checks, still payed the bills, gambled the rest. I then started online casinos, dipping into the savings and the graduate overdraft I had. Letters from the bank arrived about having to pay the overdraft off within a few months. I panicked, took out a credit card to cover it. I did manage to wipe it through gambling mind.
At this point my relationship with my partner broke down, (he did know about my problem, but wasn’t the reason we split) so I moved back to my mums.
Wow more ‘extra’ money and savings I never had before!
A family member become ill and I just remember loosing £3k on the drive down the Portsmouth to see him. My biggest loss in one go, at the time.
More credit cards where look out, and maxed out through gambling. I took out a loan to cover all my debts, as soon as the money hit my account... I gambled it! And didn’t pay them off!
I used to think men were my weakness and the reason I gambled, as I was in and out of relationships, desperate to feel loved and wanted.
Two years ago I come clean and told my Mum. That was massive for me. She helped me out with finance on a car, as the one I had at the time broke every week and I didn’t have the funds to fix it or get a new one.
I think I managed 3 months gamble free, that’s the most I’ve ever lasted.
18 months ago I met my current partner, the man I want to be with forever. I didn’t tell him until about 12 months ago. He has been really understanding, I’ve screamed out for help over the last 12 months but just had myself bailed out. Iv took out another two loans, withdrew from my pension and managing to loose more and more each month. I’m fortunate to get yearly pay rises and believe to be on a good wage. Yet I see none of it.
I have never treated myself to nice things, I can never afford to move out, at the moment I lodge with my partner who fortunately pays most of the bills. I just wish I could help.
It’s took me two days to post on here. Reading all your threads and relating to them all.
I knew I was spiralling out of control weeks ago. Having no money in my account so billing it to my phone bill instead. These are now £250-£300 a month.
I have self excluded from many sites but there are so many out there!
Two days ago I visited the doctor, asking for help because I can not do it alone. She advised I see a counsellor but the number she gave directed me here. So far it has been helpful.
Thursday night I come clean to my partner asking him to take control of everything. Worried and excited I get paid the next day... (yesterday) and guess what.... gambled it all!
I have tried setting restrictions on my phone and even contracted EE, setting the block to strict... guess what it did... blocked this site but not the gambling sites!
I know it’s no one else fault but my own, I just need to see a way out. We’re planning a baby and wanting to buy a house: these just can’t happen whilst I’m in this frame of mind. My partner has been really supportive and has said he will do everything to help, il just worried of the what ifs. What if I can not stop, what if I have another relapse, what if we do have a baby, what if we get a house and I blip? The most frustrations thing is this should be a reason to help me stop, but it’s not. I think I’ve gambled for far too long it’s all I know!
I did visit GA a few years ago but didn’t find it helpful, I walked out feeling it was you vs them (your family/friends in the room next door)
Think that’s about everything! I feel as if I have rambled but feel so much better for just writing it!
Today I am sitting down with my partner and going through everything.
Cards cut up and reported missing.
I’m getting a non smart phone to stop the temptation.
I will check back on here when I can, and keep you all informed.
I’m also awaiting a referral from the doctor to see a psychiatrist and going back to see her in a few weeks time.
Day 1.
X
Well done for joining the site, writing everything down really helps. I would hand over your finances to your partner completely, not have any access to money for a little while at least, just have small amounts of cash. When you do get back your cards have someone scratch off the 3 digit number on the back, set up as many blocks as possible. You can ring the helpline for advice on software blocks. And keep coming on here everyday, keep trying it's hard but can be done ! Good luck!
Day 2, gamble free!
This is is a massive step as the last few weeks it has been daily.
Everything has been handed over, just need to phone the bank. Although am changing accounts completely as my current bank hadn’t been helpful at all in my shout outs for help.
Day down with my partner today and rebudgeted everything too. He has talked me round to not taking out another loan.
I just need to prove myself now!
Happy new year to everyone, enjoy tonight! Talk tomorrow
Happy new year and well done gamble free.
Thank you jay jay. Sorry do not check in here often with having my internet restricted!
So proud to say I have hit day 7 gamble free and am feeling so much better for it! I feel ‘richer’ already although still paying off my massive losses!
My partner has everything, but the biggest help is not being to access anything online. Hitting this weekly milestone feels great. Here’s to the next seven days! Xx
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