Deeper hole

Hello Onepunchjamoo,

Best Wishes

Forum Admin

I don't like talking on the phone period. I ignore calls all the time and prefer to talk via text. I don't see what talking will achieve anyway, I talk to people on here and I'm sure your advisors would echo what people here say.

I'm not going to do anything now, it's only immediately after I lose where I could potentially do something but I've calmed down now.
I'll be normal come next week.

Talking is far better than texting, even better is talking to someone face to face, this is why councelling and GA meetign swork so well. You reality is you a compulsive gambler, this will never change. The only thing you can change is wheater or not you will allow it to control your life like it is doing.

You say the amounts are small compared to others on here, but the amounts are irrelvent. In face when we get to the root of the issue, gambling itself is not even the issue, its our behaviour and how we deal with things. For me gambling was my escape bubble that I would run away to, it gave me a buzz to win (or even nearly win) and when real life was too difficult to deal with I could fix it instantly with a big win, I could make all my problems go away. But like you have discovered no win is enough as we cannot stop.

Go to your nearest GA meeting, read the litrature, listen to other gambling addicts, open up and be honest. There is no quick fix to this but if you put as much effort and time into recovery as you did with gambling you will be well on your way to a much better life instead of the fanstasy trap we inhabit when in the grip of our addiction.

My nearest is about 30 miles away and I don't drive.. if I could go to a meeting where I lived then I would.

One thing is certain, you need to change your behaviour. Talking about the issues is far better than texting. I know you say you dont like talking over the phone but you will have to do things in recovery that you dont like, its part of the process as we try and change our behaviour.

I had a similar mindset, in fact I was worse as although I knew deep down i had a problem i refused to admit it. Even when I got councelling I did not fully engage with the process as I knew that I would have to stop gambling completly and there was no way that was going to happen. I had to hit rock bottom before I had to face my demons properly.

ALso you say your nearest GA meeing is 30 miles away, fair enough its a trek especially as you dont drive, but maybe you could go once a month via bus/taxi or some combination? there may be someone there from near your area and you may be able to get lifts? who knows until you try. We would walk over hot coals to get to the bookies, yet for our recovery we make excuses and but up barriers (this is common so not just having a go at you). Until we make an effort to change we will not and the vicious cycle will continue.

If we put the same time and effort into our recovery as we did into our gambling then we will have a great chance at enyoing the rest of our lives gamble free.

It would cost a good £60 there and back.. then I'd want to gamble.. and I don't like relying on other people because I'm not fond of most people if I'm honest.
I don't bother with bookies much either because I may low my temper and do something illegal and get into trouble as I have done before.
I think I'm gonna stop getting loans once I pay my current ones, that will be my start.

You've got a job, ur paying ur loans back, sounds like progress to me mate

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Hi mate, i’ve Been reading your story and some of the things you say are similar to my story. I was stuck in a vicious circle where my mind was telling me to gamble for a better life and to be able to afford the stuff that you see other people having. However that constant pressure and frustration that comes with gambling results in mood swings and anger to the point where you get scared that you can do something that you will regret. You say that you are working and paying off loans which is great, and I too have gambling loans that i’m Still paying. All I will say is that although I have relapsed from time to time my life is so much better without gambling and the money saved is considerable. Maybe when you pay the loan off you can save and watch that grow. Have a target in order to buy something you want and try to stop gambling until you achieve it. I used to think that is was all about money, however my trigger was when I realised the person that gambling had turned me into. I didn’t want to be that person looking back at me in the mirror and decided to change. It isn’t easy and you will always face challenges but if you really want to you can create a better life for yourself. I hope it all works out for you, and I wish you the best.

Thanks Adam.
G100, you're definitely right about the mood swings and not knowing what you'll do, it's definitely frustrating.
When I started my job I actually paid off my loan with the insane interest then got another, paid it off and now I have another, I think if I can just stop with the loans it's a step forward and will be a big help towards my mood. Should be sorted by the end of the month, I don't Mind my amigo loan because it's only ВЈ103 a month but this piggybank one is ВЈ73 a week and interest goes up ВЈ5 a day, it's like months long but I can pay it off early, it's nearly at £700 so yeah 2/3 weeks and I can get rid.

I have a good feeling, I'd like to start a new post with positive news to be honest.

Thanks for the support, understanding and positivity.

Good for you mate. I don’t think there’s any guaranteed right way to tackle this problem. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and reassess your life and what you want from it. Everyone’s different but everyone on here has one thing in common, where we all agree that gambling ruins lives.

I've also got a really similar background in terms of how I developed my addiction. The problem for me is, I take these extended breaks and then just go back gambling impulsively. Inside my head I'm telling myself that its only a couple of hundred and if you win this you'll get to this certain amount way faster than just earning money. I'm not from America, so the helpline services aren't that great there as they only listen and don't provide sound advice. I'm just so scared I'm just going to randomly relapse again soon and lose everything, as that feeling makes me feel very depressed and suicidal.

Hi roberts,

I am concerned to read that you may be feeling very depressed and suicidal (or worried that that may happen if you relapse). Perhaps you could pro-actively write down how you are going to refine what you are already doing well at with regards to staying gambling-free. If you are in the UK please consider giving a call to our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 and speak to one of our advisers for one-to-one tailored advice. It may also be worth contacting your GP or local mental health provider for assistance. The Samaritans are also available to call 24/7 on 116 123.

Best Wishes

Forum Admin

OP,

Gamcare is funded by the gambling industry, I wouldn't take their advice for anything. You are doing well for insisting on getting support in text instead of talking over the phone, I have stopped gambling without going to a single GA meeting, GA is useless for many people - it's okay to be blunt and speak the truth, the thing is I'm concerned (really concerned unlike Gamcare) that posts like mine will get flagged for speaking the truth in here, and that's what annoying me, because people like us can help you see the light and make a better future, so please rely only on yourself and do your own due diligence when someone is giving you an advice (including an advice from me).

Thanks!

Free of troubles, THANK YOU.

I'm glad you were able to stop without GA or anything, I hope I'm able to do the same. I hope you comment like this regularly and they don't get flagged.
I do think just talking on here and reading other peoples stories will slowly help me and even if it doesn't, it helps in the moment when I mess up.
I'm feeling positive and hopefully I can tell people how I stopped without GA one day too.