Hello everybody, Im Sonny 23 years old and I am a gambling addict. I have been gambling for over 7 years now, started at a tender age of 15, I was instantly hooked on everything basically: slots, roulette, sports betting, poker (especially roulette and slots). It was fun in the beginning but got worse and worse as years passed. Got especially bad when I was about 18-19, started borrowing money from loansharks and friends without any care. Often went to pawnshops as well, so it was pretty bad I managed to ruin my banking history because of the unpaid debts, lied constantly to my friends and family.
It is very easy to get hooked on gambling in my city, casinos are everywhere and plus the online gambling industry is thriving. Although I had more problems than I could count, trips to the casino and online gambling sessions made me feel relaxed and I used to forget about my worries for some time, although after loosing all my money the prolems used to get bigger and bigger... I basically fed my depression. After multiple attempts to stop and turn my life around, I've started making some changes with myself. I began this 'metamorphosis' 3 months ago, got a decent job and started making good money, was motivated on my studies and everything. At that time I had no money at all and was waiting for my paycheck to fix some of my problems and start living like a normal person.
Guess what, it took me several days to gamble away my first salary, I felt sick to my stomach, but i promised myself this was the last straw, I only had to wait for the next paycheck and all would be good again. I worked hard and the time went by faster then I expected, I got my second check and gambled it away in exactly 2 days (the check was for the whole month). Besides gambling I've been prone to depression since childhood, and gambling has made it 10 times harder for me to cope with my depression, so after my second failure I was so depressed I seriouly thought about suicide (not the first time), but decided to give myself one more chance, the plan was to somehow survive till the end of the month with no money and start over again. So now, I got my check about 7 days ago I lost more then half of it already. I failed myself, failed everybody who loves me (my parents especially). I was so depressed and gutted, didn't know what to do and wanted to talk to someone not to go crazy and somewhat admitted my addiction to my parents (not the first time), this time with more details (still lying that I am not gambling for over 1 month) talked about my depression and how this makes my addiction even worse and my childhood traumas, everything basically.
They showed me nothing but love and support, they even suggested paying for a therapy and a shrink for me and I am so ashamed and afraid of myself I don't know what to do. I have no idea what i would do if I fail again, I just want to live like a normal person, I am young, ambitious and popular among people and this horrible addiction or disease I don't even know what it is, is destroying my life completely. I don't whant to think that there is no hope for me, found this website and decided to share part of my story to you, in hopes that someone may find it helpful. Plus I am thinking of posting updates of being gambling free daily so that I can see the progress and show it to other people.
Hope everything goes well.
Hi Sonny,
Thank you very much for sharing your journey. For such a young gentleman, you hold yourself and write with such clarity and maturity. This has particularly hit home with me as I'm of a similar age and your story resonates with me strongly. You've done the right thing, you've come to seek help and make a change so well done for that. It also seems you realise you're a Compulsive Gambler and the first step is to understand and accept that. We are powerless to this poison. Many users come to the site (like me in the first instance) and are naive to there being an underlying issue. Only the guilt of losing our financials and wondering what to do until we get our hands on the next paycheck where the vicious circle repeats. It's only the power of acception that can set us on our road to recovery.
To give you a background into my story, I started gambling when I was 17 on a very infrequent and non-compulsive basis. Similarly to yourself, throughout the years, this then transpired into gambling on everything where there was a market so sports (both live and virtual), slots, table games, bingo. anything, you name it, I was on. The rush and 'escapism' from reality was addictive, I couldn't get enough. The constant greed and the ever present 'just one more' took over my life and ripped everything away from me. Although not gambling into debt, I lost everything I had and felt worthless and admittedly suicidal. Anyway enough of that.
First of all, in the early stages of my recovery I self-excluded from all local casinos and bookmakers. Alongside this, I used software blockers such as K9 which disallowed me from visiting casino or any gambling related sites online. One thing I feel is important is opening up honestly and truthfully to your family members. I tried hiding this and it didn't give me the closure and start I needed to fully start my recovery. They seem supportive so use them and they will help you every step of the way. Handing over finances (how hard that may be) is always beneficial. By not having the pressures of this helped me better focus on the recovery which was a huge weight off my shoulders. I would also suggest looking for your local Gamblers Anonymous (GA) meeting. However daunting this may seem, it will give you the opportunity to speak to people going through exactly what you are to learn key coping mechanisms and tips that will help your recovery. You are never judged.
There is hope and plenty of it, you seem a very bright lad with a bright future, keep fighting on. Daily updates on the forum will be most welcomed and I for one will keep tuning in to track your progress. Walking away and giving up isn’t the answer but at the same time don’t take too much on. It’s baby steps, break it into a day at a time and if that’s too much, an hour at a time. As long as you hit your pillow without a gambler then you’re the real winner.
Stay strong and I look forward to tracking your progress. The future is bright Sonny.
Andy (Compulsive Gambler 245 days GF)
Hello Sonny
Welcome to the GamCare forums. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope you get plenty of support and encouragement here as you continue to update your progress.
Please don't be alone with this Sonny, if you give us a call on the free HelpLine 0808 8020 133 or contacting us via the netline we can help support you and there is every reason to keep motivated and retain hope that you can move forward with a gamble-free life. Our advisors can provide emotional support and helpful information, as well as facilite a referral into gambling treatment if you'd like to access that service too.
Warm regards
Leigh
Forum Admin
Hi Sonny
You are here and that's a good thing already. I have been betting-clean since 20/02 now - after about 8 years of online betting round-the-clock! Guess what - I could not be happier! I can re-live the joy of simple, little things and be a part of my beloved family again. Betting (or any other form of gambling) sucks you in so hard that is feels virtually impossible to break free. But I have - and so can you, believe me. If you stop one day and wake up the day after - just mark it in your calendar. That will be your new date of birth... More to come, stay strong my friend.
Hi ya just want to say .nothing is worth taking your life for .just talk to people .my son last October at the age of 23 took his own life through this terrible disease .he had been gambling for five years and somehow kept it a secret from me and anyone close to him .I'm his father and every day I have to live with this pain .I never want any parent to feel this pain you are worth so much more .And your parents deffanatly need you in their lives just talk to them and tell them everything .please i wish you well and hope you can conker this disease
Sonny
I used to start my daily online betting before taking the morning wee and only finish late in the evening in my bed when I was too tired to keep staring at the screen. That was killing me, day by day. For years. Constant pressure, feeling down after loosing yet another bet (and there were thousands of them!), pretending to be busy when my family needed me. I was at the state of rotting down - mentally and physically. But no more. In the very first days after abandoning betting cold turkey, I felt the temptation every once in a while. But I had found a quick cure. In the evening, I was going through the daily football scores from all around the world - only to realise how much money I would have lost had I placed any bets that day. That has helped me - perhaps you can use it, too? All you have to do is to start appreciating the people and things around you again. Take you mind off betting. Whatever you used to enjoy in the past - long walks, playing sports, DIY-ing or getting your hands dirty in the garage - go back to that now! Go out and see someone, become a part of your community again. Live your life, don't let the numbers on the screen be your universe.
Hello again,
I want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for your support and kind words. It is always very helpful to know that someone has already been in that similiar position, is offering support and doesn't see you as a irresponsible, selfish individual. Today is my second day of being completely gambling free, I don't see it as a milestone by any means, but I really wanted to gamble yesterday plus I had the money, but the fear of becoming a failure and dissapointment once again, rescued me from making a deposit (usually it means all of my money, even if the initial deposit is a small amount). Today I'm trying to concentrate on my work more and stop thinking about gambling, although I feel that these thoughts and urges are going to be there for the rest of my life. I set a challenge for myself for the weekend, as it is a period where the best football matches are held (hence the biggest bets are made), the challenge is to overcome my urge to place even a smallest bet on the weekend, I hope that I'll manage to stay clean.
In the end of I would like to let you know that, if anyone is feeling down or wants to talk to somebody, please feel free to reach out, I've felt it for myself that talking to someone with a similiar problemhelps a lot so please do not hesitate.
Thanks again, let's see if I stay strong for day 3.
Hi Sonny,
Thank you for checking back in. We're all Compulsive Gamblers so know exactly what you've been through, you certainly are not alone. In totality you're not selfish, it's a Compulsive disorder that we are powerless to. Every day is a milestone, embrace that and celebrate that, every minute is another win. In the early days, I've seen people react differently, some people find it easy, people find it really difficult, there's no one size fits all but the same result, you were gamble free! Never underestimate your efforts.
With your post in mind, I would heavily recommend the points I raised in my aforementioned message. Self exclude from all local bookmakers/casinos, put blocking software on your computer to prevent access to any online sites. It appears you also have an excess cash flow, it would be highly beneficial to try and hand over this to a close friend/relative to manage in the early stages of recovery. Having excess cash is hugely detrimental to a Compulsive Gambler. Have you also had the opportunity to look into attending your local Gamblers Anonymous or speaking to someone via the Gamcare helpline? I think this will really help.
Keep checking in, focus on your recovery and stay strong.
Andy (Compulsive Gambler 246 days GF)
Hi Andy,
Thanks for the reply, I read your story and found a lot of similiarities to mine. My uncle was a gambling addict as well for years, gambled away his house and tried to commit suicide. Just wanted to share this, to showcase what are the stakes that the gambling life requires. I love your progress my friend, keep going, your success is inspirational for myself and people like me, who have just begun to tackle this horrible addiction.
Hi Sonny,
No, thank you. It's a very similar story, my Uncle still does gamble, he never admits he's a Compulsive Gambler and thinks he's higher than that. I can assure you he's not. I really appreciate you sharing that, it's a horrible illness and I'm sure that wasn't easy to open up about. Our progress, day by day we are all another day away from our last bet. Yours and others success is what help drives me too so you also make a difference and help my recovery! Keep it up, we WILL succeed.
Stay strong.
Andy (Compulsive Gambler 246 days GF)
Day 3
It's my day number 3 of being completely free of gambling. Today I dreamt of gambling: just making another deposit and starting spinning the slots. The urge is real as you can guess, plus today being Saturday and being free of work makes it worse. Nevertheless I know that this journey isn't going to be an easy one by any means and I am trying my best to find the inner strength to continue being gambling free. As I continue to think about this matter, I find it bizzare how this thing called gambling has invaded my brain, but as time passes I see that you can enjoy small things in your life everyday, without being glued to your computer screen all the time feeling stressed. This forum has given me belief, that I too can live like a normal person, be successful, caring and loving towards my family and friends. When I think about that, somehow it makes me sad seeing how much I've missed out on for the past years, but still the love and support from you guys and people who are close to me has shown me that the future is bright and everything is in our hands.
Andy, thank you for you suggestion about the blocking software and GA meetings. Unfortunately the only choice for me that is somehow similiar to GA meetings, is seeing a shrink, but I am too ashamed to do that. As the blocking software goes, I would do it, but the real problem is in my head, not in the gambling websites. If I don't tackle the problem in my brain, I will always find a way to gamble even if I self exclude from all the websites. The real problem is me wanting to gamble and I will defeat that demon inside me ! Thank you again for being so supportive, you and many more on the forum are remarkable people who can support and love others and that is the motivation that keeps many of us going. Keeping an eye on your progress every day, keep up the good work you are doing an amazing job!
Have a great day everybody and stay strong!
Well done for realizing and trying to address your problem at such a young age Sonny,, i find your attitude and willingness to change tremendous!! I wish I had your attitude @ 23! I have no doubt you will go on to lead a full and happy life with such a great head on your young shoulders!! Stay strong buddy,, all the best!!
Day 4
Feeling stressed, had a night out yesterday, social anxiety mixed with alcohol is never a good idea 🙂 Did not gamble though, at one point I thought that I was going to hit the local casino for sure, but somehow got over it. It's just day four and it feels like Im restraining myself from gambling just to freshen up and have a massive relapse as a reward. On the bright side there has been less daily stress for me these few days, I seem to enjoy life more being gambling free. I hope that I will never go back to my old ways, remembering the depressed, sick state I was in 4 days ago helps me stay motivated and keep moving forward.
See you guys tomorrow, well wishes and have a great Sunday!
Hi Sonny,
Congratultions for 4 days GF. Although not a good idea, it's good you're still living as normal and trying to keep your brain occupied. Well you've still got the will power to avoid the urge and that's a massive win so feel positive about it. You don't need to gamble, it will only put you in more debt and pain. Quality of life also improved for me. I had more time to do other activities where before I would be locked away in the throws of gambling. For me the quality of life means more than a gambling rush or an escape, I don't hide away anymore.
If you put the right blockers in place and keep doing the right things you most certainly will keep going one day further away from this poison. You're fighting through the tough times and you're not doing it alone. Keep going 1 hour at a time!
Grand National was on yesterday which was still a tough day for me but kept occupied with the girlfriend having afternoon tea (which I hate but she likes) which gave me more joy than a bet ever could. It's a daily battle but one I know I can win. For me I have not gambled today.
Stay strong.
Andy (Compulsive Gambler 248 days GF)
Hi Sonny,
You got your whole life in front of you at 23,so many opportunities so much to live for. Dont make the same mistake as me i gambled for over 40 years and not only did it destroy me but there were so many innocent people got hurt due to my addiction.
Its fantastic youve reached your 4th GF day and reached out for help & support. Please do self exclusion and speak to an advisor on the Netline for maximum support and maybe counselling in order to help you fight this addiction. As far as your suicidal thoughts please remember SUICIDE DOESNT KILL THE PAIN IT MERELY PASSES IT ON TO SOMEONE ELSE.
Stay Strong & Good Luck In Your Recovery
AL
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