Done it AGAIN!!!!

Actually scrap what I said about not having a problem I am sitting here now contemplating depositing 1000 that I have on a credit card to try and recover some of the losses. I feel lost and pacing around my flat oh if I could just rewind 24hours. Sad times.

If you deposit 10k in an hour and a half you have a problem. Because you won you thought or your gambling mind thought you can do it again, and look what happened. Stop go out do anything but dont gamble.

Thanks for your reply smashed.

That's correct. I actually thought to myself I'll just put a grand in and once I'm a couple of hundred up I'll walk. Obviously didn't happen and now I'm feeling so depressed I don't know what to do. Got holidays booked and things to pay for but can't. I feel reckless and stupid. I don't know whether to tell my partner or not as I feel I can "get away with this one" without her knowing. But then does that just leave thinking I can do it again in a few months once I've got over this horrible feeling.

Cheers

Hi Grogstarr,

The amounts you gamble are irrelevant really except to show how out of control it is for you. To gamble 10k is that time shows you are well and truly gripped by this addiction. When we win we justify it to ourselves but the money never lasts long as we cannot stop, but large wins sow the seeds that we can win back our losses which means we spiral out of control very quickly.

At least you are on here so you recognise you have a problem, but you are still in hiding and have a gmablers mindset, especially when it comes to your partner "get away with this one" without her knowing is certainly what a compulsive gambler would say. In other words get the bills sorted and out of the way, will be back at square one, get paid then we can go again. Who know i might win big like I have in the past and all my problems will be over. That is a stereotypical compulisve gamblers mindset.

The first thing I would do if I were you is get to a GA meeting asap. Step one of the programme involves admitting you are helpless to control your gambling, you need to do this to even think about beginning recovery. Tackling this problem you will need as much support as you can get. Forums are fine but face to face support is by far the best way to go. You will get support in GA meetings but ideally you need to involve people close to you, especially your partner. Its not easy, I know first hand, but its for the best in the long run.

Its a long battle ahead but I wish you well with it.

Thank you Joe-90!

yes I have been researching local ga meetings but if I'm honest as I'm writing this I am struggling to accept that I've lost that money and thinking I can get it back. I'm justifying these thoughts by knowing that I will not borrow or steal to get it and am more than capable of waiting 2 weeks which is when I get paid to do it. I know that's wrong but that is how I'm feeling right now. Im finding it hard to accept that I have got to this stage.

Hi Grogstarr,

I'm glad you've found the forum. Sorry to hear you're struggling. You need to get over the loss - and see if in the past before you can move forwards. You will definitely never get that back through gambling. Only through hard work, GA meetings and not gambling.

Really feeling for you, and hope you get the support you need. Plenty of people hear with lots of advice - please do and try and set up blocks so you can't gamble on the sites again. Andy.

Grogstarr wrote:

Thank you Joe-90!

yes I have been researching local ga meetings but if I'm honest as I'm writing this I am struggling to accept that I've lost that money and thinking I can get it back. I'm justifying these thoughts by knowing that I will not borrow or steal to get it and am more than capable of waiting 2 weeks which is when I get paid to do it. I know that's wrong but that is how I'm feeling right now. Im finding it hard to accept that I have got to this stage.

Again your words are the very definition of a compulsive gambler, at the minute you do not fully accept you have no control over it. Part of you knows you have had decent wins in the past and you are focussing on these to convince yourself you can win back your losses. I have been here and did not admit my problem until I hit rock bottom. Its not a nice place to be, I wish I did not believe the lies I told myself so I could have admitted my problem earlier but as you said its not easy for us to accept it. But accepting it we must as its the first step on the road to recovery.

I wish you well.

Thank you Joe-90 and Andyr for taking time to respond. Even speaking on here is making me feel like I can get over this loss and never do anything as stupid again. I have taken your advice and self excluded and going to attend a GA meeting on Tuesday. I've decided not to tell my partner which is probably me not fully accepting the problem but I'm feeling confident I can stop this and move forward to a more stress free and happy life.

Cheers.

so you've self excluded from that site already - and any other accounts you have?

Yes that is correct. But I'm aware that it's all to easy to just download a new one, I need to look into some blocking software I think. It's going to take me a while to get over this one. I'm actually disgusted with myself. I have a reasonable job paying decent money and have very little outgoings but still I find myself 2500 overdrawn. Can't stop looking at my bank account in disbelief.

It's hard, I have that feeling most days still BUT the money has gone, you've spent it, you know this, you know that chose to gamble it but you need to accept that it has gone, hard graft and honest earnings are the way forward now

the quicker you can accept this, the quicker you can get on the road to recovery

DO NOT go chasing, you will not win it back because even IF you did, you would not stop.

So:

GA on Tuesday

Blocking software - by when?

Any other steps you can/ are planning to take?

I'm confident that I will not go chasing. I cannot risk the the little money I have left available. I'm going to look into blocking software this weekend. However I'm reluctant to do so because in general I'm a controlled gambler doing small football bets at the weekend and it really is just a bit of fun, but as I've stated I just have moments of total madness usually after a few beers. I have only just come to terms with the fact that I have a problem so this is new to me and apart from GA meetings and self exclusion I don't really know what other steps to take.

Ps

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me.

Hi grogstarr that's how it starts, controlled small bets. Moments of madness losing hundreds, thousands. Chasing. 'I'm confident' is a dangerous thing to say. These are excuses. Not sure you want to download blocking software, excuses. Lying to your partner is not the behaviour of someone in control, you're hiding it because you don't want to stop. No one can stop you, but you came here for advice and help. So take it with both hands. All cgs here have done and said what you are doing now. They are giving you good experienced advice. I'm wife of cg and I can assure you that honesty is your best bet. Be honest with yourself.