Hi all,
I didn't for a second think i woud ever be in this position, putting my struggles down for all to see. I always thought i would be a high roller, walking off into the sunset.. How wrong could i of been. Denial i suppose is the fighter in you coming out, acceptance is the hardest thing to overcome "I didnt gamble because i was addicted, i gambled because i wanted to win" was one i used plenty of times.... Now in a hole i've only dug for myself and in a dark place mentally do i realise how silly i've been. I'm looking forward to speaking to people similiar to me and people who have overcome the dark times and bad thoughts. I wanna turn my life around and make myself happy again and also the people around me happy. Thanks for reading, Cav 26.
Hi Cav
I cannot agree more with the first 2 words on you headline ! Embarrassed & Ashamed they are how I've felt since I was caught out gambling again by my wife of 16 years over Xmas. Gambling is a horrible addiction/illness that's I don't doubt will take a lot of hard work to get rid of and make us better people, which we all strive to be !
Congratulations on coming on here and admitting you have a problem like the rest of us, doing this is one of the hardest parts to do along this bumpy road. Like you say it's a big black hole we are in and we need to climb out of it to see what the normal world is like. Things are very hard in the early days and don't get deflated but things get better gradually bit by bit. I find coming on here reading stories helps me, along with attending GA meetings. Look forward to reading your future posts and good luck with everything.
"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"
All the Best
Darren
Stopping gambling is about taking back control. Gambling dictated when, or if I went to bed, when I turned up for appointments, whether I ate my dinner with the family or alone and cold. I knew what my priorities were in those days, not my family, not my job, not my health, gambling, gambling and more gambling. I didn't even consider being an addict until a long time after I finally kicked the habit and now I look back and it couldn't be clearer.
In June, it will be four years since I properly tackled my problem and I don't want my old life back. Addiction can be beaten and with an addiction as potentially destructive as gambling the rewards are massive, life saving and transformational. If I could truly articulate how my life and the lives of those around me have changed, it would be the most compelling advert for change imaginable. Don't dwell on the past, fight for the present and the future and don't forget to be proud of every little achievement along the way.
Good luck. I hope you find what I have found.
Ken
Thanks both for the welcome, these last few days have been tough, no one understands what goes through your head. the fear, the worry, the guilt. So its great to be able to let it out and relate to others and thier stories. I do very much agree you Darren it is good to talk. I can see a light out in the distance, its just finding my way there.
Wise words from both which i have been reading over before replying for the last hour. Thanks again for taking your time to welcome me.
Cav
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