For the past few years, I have been seriously addicted to slots and more recently, poker. I play in the local arcades in our seaside town and I have lost so much over the years. The worst thing though is the person this addiction has turned me into. I have become a liar, a thief, a borrower and a negligent mum and daughter. All I do is gamble or think about gambling. I have had some great wins, but of course, it all goes back in. I won ВЈ200 2 nights ago and repaid some debt. I won another £100 last night which was a big relief, but of course, I put it all back in today. I am disgusted at myself. But the worst thing? I left my 11 Yr old daughter with my elderly mum who is sick at the minute. But that didn't bother me; as long as I got to the poker machines, I was happy. I came home to a right dressing down, thoroughly deserved. I have been incredibly selfish and a total b***h. I have become someone I don't recognise. I am in debt, I can lie without a second thought, I am never home, I have hurt my mum and daughter by never being in and I have come to the end of the line. I am absolutely broke, in debt up to my eyes and am missing out on the lovely home life I have. I am going to see 2019 as a literal and metaphorical new start. No more gambling, lying, staying out, taking money and sneaking it back and no more borrowing. I am sickened by myself and I want to change. I have signed myself out of all the arcades (thank God I never started online gambling) and am giving my debit card to my friend. I am going to spend the next year repaying all my debts, regaining the trust and respect of my family and building up my self respect. I can't wait to be gamble-free, but I will take it one day at a time.
Good luck! I know it all seems so desperate but I find strength and inspiration in reading this forum. You could also contact them for counselling and support. Stay in touch.
Hey JB.
Thanks for your post. I have gambled for over 30 years. I have felt the way you are feeling, the hopelessness, the despair, the self loathing, the guilt and the longing for it all to stop. I am not really in a position to give you advice but I think you know deep down what you have to do. From now in out all your focus on your daughter, be there for her, give her your time instead of giving it to gambling. I know it's hard but try to let the past go. You cannot change what you have done so don't worry about it. Stop being so hard on yourself, your username says it all! Sounds like gambling has took your self respect, it's time you took it back. Hope you keep posting as we are all in the same boat here. Always keep your chin up.
Lil30 and Marcella, thank you both so much for taking the time to comment and offer support and understanding. It means more to me than you could know! xx
Well done Jakeybum a brave decision and the perfect time to start your plans - keep posting and at a day at a time things will slowly improve
Thank you Jappy. This forum is keeping me going so much x
How you going? Courageous decision to finally work on a progression away from gambling... It will take time, you will get frustrated at times... Gambling will come looking for you even... But just tell it to sod off and stay focused on your goals.
Out of curiosity... Is it coincidence you have decided to close the book on gambling at the start of the new year (ie events coincidentally led up to this point at this time of the year) or has the new year starting inspired you to finally do this? Not that it really matters... It's just that it's my first new year on this forum and I'm always interested in how other CG's minds work... It helps my recovery I suppose! Knowledge is power as they say! :o) Anyway I hope you get what you need from this site and wish you all the very best in your journey.
In the spirit of offering you something useful in this post (and not just focusing on me!) I'll just say that the one day at a time thing you've taken on board is great wisdom so early on I think... Just remember every day is different... You'll get good days and bad days still (that's life right?) And on the bad ones as long as you stay gamble free then ultimately that's a good day. Also if one day at a time is too tough on some days... Break it down to one hour at a time, or even one moment/task/event at a time if you have to. Good luck!
Hello, well done on making the important decision to stop and for also pro-actively barring yourself from your old haunts. It seems like a long road ahead but you can do it and in no time at all you will feel much better. I cut everything out last January and am in a much better place than this time last year. I would advise you to be ready for complacency setting and your mind telling you 'it wasn't that bad', remember that IT WAS and that is why you are doing what you have done (it hit me around 3 months in and as online was my thing I registered with GAMSTOP and that stopped me dead in my tracks).
I wish you all the very best for 2019 (and beyond!).
Simon
Hello Jakeybum welcome to the forum. I can see from what you have said that you want to change, you have started to make changes to support yourself in stopping. Sighing out of all arcades and restricting your cards are positive steps towards stopping problem gambling. I hope using the forum for support for yourself will continue to help you keep focused on stopping gambling. Now that you have joined the forum you are welcome to join daily chat rooms if you want to. Please see here https://gamcare.org.uk/chatroom
There is other support available to you. We do have free treatment services across the UK where you can get some one to one support. If you would like to know more about this and other support you can contact Gamcare advisers on Netline https://www.gamcare.org.uk/frontline-services/netline or there is Gamcare Free phone helpline 0808 8020 133. Advisers are available 8am -midnight every day.
You also talk about debts that you are planning to repay if you need some Information and advice with your debts you may find it helpful to contact a debt advice helpline please see here for further information https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/finance-and-debt-management#.VBwEDvldXww
Keep posting we are here to support you
Kind Regards
Forum admin
Hi Signalman and Silee70. Thank you for your lovely comments and messages of support. It has been an awful month and I have been gambling everyday practically. Today was the worst emotionally and mentally. Today my selfishness and addiction finally hit me, and I mean hit me. Everything went wrong but God did I need it to. I have been in denial all month thinking I was in control, but of course I was lying to myself and as usual everyone around me. I really had to take a long hard look at myself and my priorities and I found myself severely wanting. So today is day one. Again. I am so ashamed of myself and I have a lot of feelings to work through.
Thank you everyone for all the support and words of encouragement. I could do with a lot more of them.
Good luck Jakey, keep thinking of your daughter and what you can do with the money for her
Thank you Marypoppins. I am trying to put everyone before gambling. Such a struggle, even after the awful day I had yesterday. Wish I was addicted to saving lol
Thank you Marypoppins. I am trying to put everyone before gambling. Such a struggle, even after the awful day I had yesterday. Wish I was addicted to saving lol
Hi JB
How are you doing on your journey so far? I’m not in the position myself to offer any advice as I’m just starting my own recovery but this forum seem great for support and advice. I wish you well.
Hey JB. Thanks for your message of support. Don't be too down on yourself. We have all been where you are. We are here for you. I know it's hard but keep the chin up! No matter how dark the night is...the sun will always shine in the morning. Stay strong.
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